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Your feelings are natural. You are right to be upset that your best friend wont be there to share it with you, but as you said, you know you are not in your right to be mad at her for having a baby.
People often try for years without success. So even if she was trying, she had no way of knowing when she would get pregnant.
Maybe you can set up a web cam so she can view your ceremony?
Maybe you can set up a web cam so she can view your ceremony?
This was what I was going to suggest! She might not be able to be there in person, but she would be there in spirt!
Aww, that really sucks (but is also great!). You have a right to feel sad right now for sure but don't tell her that part. A lot of my friends tell people that they're "not trying, but not trying not to" when they are actively trying without success....not sure if she would do that, but it's possible.
@littlemissmango: oh hun that sucks! I'm not going to pretend that it doesn't. Give yourself a few days to grieve over the situation. Come at the situation afresh and see if there is any sort of solution you can come up with that makes you feel happy.
You aren't alone in this. My MOH won't be at my wedding either. :( I empathize with you.
Thanks so much for the support. I was an absolute wreck yesterday but I sent her a well-thought-out letter/email to explain how I was feeling and to borderline apologize for not being excited for her. I feel better about it now, at least having gotten my thoughts out there.
The webcam idea is definitely happening. Thank you for that. Also, we decided we're going to have a second reception in the area where our family (and my MOH) live. Some people were asking for that since they wouldn't be able to make it out to Hawaii, but now with this situation, we'll do it for sure. It's not the same, but at least it's something.
I'm just having a hard time now realizing how few people will be there on my side. I honestly don't know if even 10 of my family and friends will be there. Probably not. 90% of the guests will be from FI's side and it's really starting to make me horribly sad.
Thanks again. What would we do without the Emotional board, huh?
keep your head up. everything happens for a reason... and it's not your FI's side of the family anymore. It's YOUR family. Get to know them :)
ps - REALLY stupid she didn't tell you. I would have been livid. You're a much better friend than I would have been.
Maybe she's been trying for a long time without success, and didn't expect it? I'm sure she's sad that she won't be there, even though she's (obviously) happy she's pregnant.
You have to understand that no woman wants to tell her friends that she can't get pregnant. I'm sure that she has been trying much longer than what you assume. Celebrate with her, as I'm sure that she has been celebrating with you
One of my best friends got married in St. Lucia, and I was unable to attend because I was unable to come up with the money on such short notice. A few weeks after they returned, they had a wedding celebration that I was able to attend. In one of the rooms, they continiously play the wedding video, so that those that were unable to go to the wedding could see it.
if you go to offbeat bride- there is adivice that shows you how to live stream your wedding. And you can totally do a web cam!
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She's pregnant.
She's due 8 days before our wedding. She just told me today.
The reason why she can't come is because she lives on the mainland and the wedding is here in HI and she won't be able to fly.
I'm absolutely beside myself. I feel awful for feeling this way, but I'm not even the least bit happy for her. Okay, maybe I'm about 1% happy and 99% devastated.
This girl is my absolute best friend. There are three people in this world who mean more to me than anyone else -- my mom, my FI, and her. The thought of her not being at my wedding is literally inconcievable to me. I honestly cannot even process this yet, what I just heard on the phone. I feel like it's a bad dream.
I don't even want to have a wedding if she's not there. And now I have no choice. Because we paid for the wedding rental house in full and it's non transferrable.
Part of me is a little pissed. And I feel like such a bitch for being pissed, but I am. She told me that she was totally surprised to find out she was pregnant, but that they had been "trying for months." She did not tell me this. In fact, within the last few months, we've had several conversations about the issue and her stance was still, as it's been for the last 3 years of their marriage, "I'd be happy if it happened, but I just am not ready to try. I still want my time with DH."
I wasn't able to really communicate any of my feelings to her. Especially since I don't think telling her the majority of how I'm feeling would be fair to her at all. When I talked with her on the phone, I was completey, utterly speechless. I only managed to squeak out a few "I love yous" and "I just don't know what to say" and a "you're going to be such a good mom," amongst nothing but tears.
I'm completely at a loss. I just needed to write this to help me process what is happening and let myself come to grips that this is the reality of the situation...