(Closed) My MOH can’t make it, and I need to ask one of maids to step up. Advice?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

Honestly, I wouldn’t ask any one to be a maid of honor. No matter what you do they will feel like they are second choice, because they were. I would just let them know that Maid/Matron of Honor will no longer be able to make it and leave it at that.

Post # 4
2705 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

 I agree with @ieatunicorns:, don’t ask any Bridesmaid or Best Man to be the new Maid/Matron of Honor.  Not only do you risk her feeling like second choice or replacement, but the Maid/Matron of Honor will feel as though she is replacable.  I would just ask the Bridesmaid or Best Man if she wouldn’t mind holding your bouquet and signing the marriage liscense since the Maid/Matron of Honor couldn’t be there.

Post # 5
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I wouldn’t ask any of them, must divide up the Maid/Matron of Honor duties among the other girls or your second choice.

Post # 6
3583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

And to what kerensa said, really the main thing about the Maid/Matron of Honor is to make sure you’re taken care of day of.  I’m sure your girls will do that anyway.  Is there a formality that you’re more worried about (standing next to you, photos, witnessing, etc)?  If not, I think you’re fine without her.  If you don’t want to give up the shower/bachlorette, then that will take some extra finess to pull off.  But I agree with the other posters, unless this woman is SUPER close to you and knew you were picking Italy chick over her for a very specific reason like you owed her for her wedding or some other reason that has nothing to do with your friendship being closer, then it’s kinda poopy to suddenly ask her to pitch in.  You can always ask a family member or your mom to step in if they’re not already involved in another area of the ceremony…?

Post # 8
1715 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

We arent having a Maid/Matron of Honor or Bridesmaid or Best Man because everyone in our wedding party is very important to us and no one is above the others. I agree with the laddies above to see if she will stand next to you, hold your bouquet, and sign the documents. Other than those little things is there really anything else an Maid/Matron of Honor does?

Post # 9
2825 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I would say take her out to dinner, have a couple drinks and just tell her the truth… If she is truely your friend (and obviously a very close one if you want her to be your moh) she will understand and either gladly step up and be your Maid/Matron of Honor or just still be a bridesmaid. Give her the option to accept or decline the extra responsibilities and let her know that you felt obligated because you knew the italy girl longer, she was traveling farther and she didn’t get to be there for the other bridal party stuff you wanted to make her feel special, but that it was a tough decision to begin with because ::insert a few reasons bridesmaid is very important to you:: and you would be honored if she would be willing to stand as your Maid/Matron of Honor. 🙂

Post # 10
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I would be honored even if asked later.  It’s your decision, but I would absolutely ask your Bridesmaid or Best Man to step up.  Just be honest with her. If she’s close enough to you to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man then she’ll understand and be stoked!!!

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