Post # 1
Long story short my maid of honor emailed me last night to say that after 2+ years she has not saved the cost of her flights (her and 2 Sons) and she asked if FI and I will pay and she’ll pay us back through some Kind of payment plan.
So we’re talking 2K here, 4 months before the wedding! And we asked her a Million times to let us know if we needed to be saving for her. “No No I got it. Don’t you worry.”. Well not really.
FI Says we will pay because its important for me to have my best friend at the wedding. I think so too. But I’m devastated that we worked so hard over the last five years to get out of debt and to plan a dream wedding debt free. And now its just out the window. Because we don’t have an extra 2K laying around.
Just a vent. Maybe I’m being a jerk…dunno…sigh…
Post # 3
At least she’s asking you to pay and for her to pay you back instead of saying she can’t afford and won’t come. She probably really thought she could try to save and sometimes it’s embarrassing asking for help and she probably didn’t want to before and was really hoping that she could do it without asking for help. It sucks, but she’ll pay you back!
Post # 4
@icetea: no, your not being a jerk. If she couldn’t come up with the funds she should have said something. She should have been putting money away each month for the tickets instead of going on a payment plan with you. She’s obviously important to you and you want her there. She shouldn’t be putting you in this situation, but now you must decide what to do.
Post # 5
I agree, I’d cut her some slack. It does really suck, but I’m sure she thought that she’d be able to get the money together and was pretty embarrassed to have to ask for a loan.
That being said, please don’t pay for her flight unless you’re willing to write that money off as a gift later. No matter how close you are with someone, when it comes to money, especially an amount like $2k, it can really affect relationships. She may avoid paying it back for whatever reason, disagree on how much she still owes you, be unable to come up with payments on time, etc. That can cause a lot of resentment if you’re expecting that money back.
She’s your best friend. So if you want to pay for the flight, I think you should. But just don’t expect it back, no matter how honest, trustworthy, or loyal she is. Then if you don’t get it back, you still have your friendship, and if you do, it’s a nice surprise and you’ll have some extra spending money.
Post # 6
@rachelmichelle: Yeah. We Know.
@futuremrsk18: I guess.
This isn’t so much about her… I mean we’re paying. The hard thing to face is what A setback this is for us to be starting off in debt when we worked so hard to get out of it.
Post # 7
@icetea: It does suck, because she should have told you before. But, I’m confident you will get out of it if you did once before.
Post # 8
@futuremrsk18: Getting out of debt is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. It’s a system set up to make lifers out of you.
I just think this is all too much to take in right now.
Post # 9
@icetea: can she have someone watch her sons?? That’ll cut costs for you, and she probably doesn’t need them there since she’s your MOH and supposed to be attentive to you.
Post # 10
@tampalove35: I was thinking the same thing. Why do her sons need to come? How old are they? Are they in the wedding?
Post # 11
You never know what has happened in her life. Maybe she had saved some/all of the money and some unexpected expense just came up that she doesn’t want to discuss. I’ve had that happen to me before.
That being said I agree with Rachellemichelle…count the money as a gift (don’t tell her that!) and that way if you don’t get it back you won’t be upset and if you do it will be a nice bonus.
Post # 12
@tampalove35: No. She’s in a sticky immigration situation with her babby daddy who was deported to France. This was after she was asked to be maid of honor. l would never ask or let her leave her kids in another country without her.
But I hear yah:)
Post # 13
@Luayne: I do know.
The bee is such a funny place.
MOH has to move to France bc babby daddy crashes stolen car and is deported and they can’t get married because he has a wife in france…but don’t you dare ask her to step down.
MOH gets pregnant for the 2nd time in another country while in the middle of huge immigration troubles…but don’t you dare worry. Also, to get immigration resolved she has to return to the US without babby daddy, so baby number 2 makes that a pretty rough situation no matter what.
Now MOH needs me to pay the 2k to travel with two kids…and again it’s my fault? Not to mention I never suggested she step down…ya’ll came up with that on your own.
Oh I paid for the dress, the lodging, not having any support…but yeah I’m just very unaware. Or maybe tired.
Post # 14
@icetea: fi and i have the exact same thing!!
gave over a years notice (around 18 months), offered to pay for flights and/or hotel multiple times forr his best friend which was declined. and now its “oh i cant afford it, can i take you up on that”
er, bit hard now since you declined and so we didnt actually budget for it. but what can you do, its the best man. best man and MOH both pretty indispensable right?
and this is two weeks before the wedding, so the time frame is even worse
so i totally get where youre coming from!!!
Post # 15
@newname_99: Thank you. And sorry you have to go through this stress 2 weeks before! It really hits like a ton of bricks. At the same time, you kinda knew it was coming lol.
I really am just venting.
Post # 16
I don’t think you are a jerk…I would probably just have her to step down…It is nice of you to loan her the money to come.