Post # 1
My Maid/Matron of Honor has been OBSESSING over her new boyfriend to the point where it’s getting ridiculous. She has been dating him for less than a week, she told him she loved him on the first night. They have YET to be on a single date one-on-one, and she’s already talking about weddings and babies!!
I was hesitant about this guy because after she told him she was falling in love with him, he told her he wasn’t sure, and “needing to pray about it first.” Now that he asked her to be his girlfriend, she’s seeing wedding bells and planning out every detail of her wedding. She’s decided on colors, church, reception, dj, photographer, flowers, food, etc. Need I remind you they’ve been dating less than a WEEK. I logged on to pinterest this morning and the whole page was filled with things for, “newborn sleeping habits” and “newborn breastfeeding tips.”
Her reasoning was saying that when you know, you know and she asked me if I felt that way with my Fiance when we first got together. Yes I had strong feelings for him, but relationships need time to grow and we needed to get to know each other on a deeper level. Relationships change over time, and as you get to know each other, you will have fights and disagreements and you have to figure out how you two overcome your issues and grow together.
I’m excited for her that she found a guy she’s so happy with, but I think she’s acting like a teenager with puppy love. She told me that it’s ok for her to think about weddings and babies since she’s older than I was when me and my Fiance got together. I don’t see that as a reason at all. I guess I’m just venting but it’s a little irritating to listen to every day. My Fiance and I have been together for several years and we waited until we were both sure we wanted to spend our lives together before talking about marriage. And now we finally are planning a wedding and whenever I try to talk to my Maid/Matron of Honor about my wedding details or ideas, she cuts me off and goes on about what she would do her own wedding. I try to remind her that I’m getting married in less than a year, and she just started dating her boyfriend. I really would love for her to be a little more excited and helpful for my wedding… I just don’t know what to tell her anymore. I could really use some help with gettings things prepared and planned, and she is my MOH; but I can’t even get her to listen to anything I say anymore because she ALWAYS changes the subject!
Any Bee’s have some advice? Should I just go to my other bridesmaids or mom to talk about wedding stuff from now on? If my friend was 12 I would just think of her behavior as a phase, but she’s 24 so I just don’t know. All I know is that for now, I can’t carry on a conversation without her talking about her *future* wedding and babies…
Post # 2
Her behavior with her new boyfriend and her behavior for your wedding are entirely different things. You can express concern over the former, but I don’t think you should mention the second in the same conversation.
I think the real question is, what is it that’s really bothering you? Is it that the attention is no longer 100% on you? Or that you’re concerned for her wellbeing?
I think in this matter, your friend’s very codependent behavior is most worrisome. I’ve done things like that with guys I’ve dated (I was a much younger and more immature person) but only after at least a month. Within a week is really concerning. Especially since they haven’t been on a solo date.
It’s one thing to be twitterpated about a new boy. But she runs the risk of scaring him off if she keeps up with that behavior and talk.
Post # 3
she sounds a bit off but I do think as time passes she will stop it. I wouldn’t want to talk about her future wedding or your upcoming wedding honestly. Maybe occasionally you can talk about yours but what do you really need to talk to her about if yours isnt until 2015? She may be tired of that too….
Post # 4
I’d pass this along to her boyfriend…
Post # 5
- Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY
Don’t tell her anything. As for your wedding, it’s a year away and the planning is your and your family’s (if they are involved) responsibility. It’s nice if your Maid/Matron of Honor wants to assist, but you shouldn’t expect her to, especially this early.
Post # 6
MrsYokiman: seriously! I can’t believe the guy hasn’t run for the hills already!
Post # 7
MrsYokiman: Lol. Love it.
crisy003: I would say let her make her own choices. She’s an adult and things will work out the way you are supposed to. If you talk to her, it will probably come off that you’re jealous/judgemental and that’s not what you want. I would also think about why it bothers you so much. If it’s concern for her wellbeing, that’s one thing. If it’s because you’re worried the focus will be pulled off you, that’s not so good. Let her make her choices, good or bad, and just focus on yourself.
Post # 8
crisy003: I am in a very similar situation to you with a friend of mine. She is head over heals already looking at houses for them to move in together, talks about marriage, helping him with his finances, the whole shebang! I am can understand where you are coming from as my friend’s behavior is worriesome to me as well. I continue to talk to her about my relationship and my plans as I dont think I should shut her out just because I am not comfortable with how she is behaving regarding her relationship. I have been witnessed several of her failed relationships and have always been there to help, I also am very familiar with some of her “issues”, which is probably why the situation scares me. However, as a friend, I have shared my concerns with her and have asked her to just be careful, but have reassured her that I do want her to be happy.
Ultimately there is very little you can do about her behavior, but I dont think her behavior should impact your friendship or you sharing things with her. If it bothers you so much, share your views with her letting her know that you are a bit worried.
Post # 9
Wait…is this your MoH?
Okay, no more memes from me–sorry, I couldn’t resist…
Post # 10
Yes, your Maid/Matron of Honor is acting crazy. Totally and completely nutty-bars. And it is likely that this guy is going to run (far and fast). Which might solve the problem (albeit temporarily).
Yes, she’s an adult. You seem like you’ve shared some of your concerns with her- but sadly there is not much else you can do. It might be difficult for you to avoid the topic of weddings with her entirely, but you might want to leave it be for a while longer until she comes to her senses. If you went dress shopping with her- she might walk out with a dress.
Unlike PPs, I do think this is related to your wedding. She’s in love with the idea of being in love and getting married more than she is with this guy (who she doesn’t even know yet!). Perhaps she’s a bit jealous and wishing that she had someone like you do.
Post # 11
crisy003: Meh some women are like that when they first find a “new love” interest. Even when they are “older” which 24 is not that old. I wouldn’t say a word. There were a few men here and there in my life that I was that gaga over. I don’t find it a huge deal, just nod your head and uh huh and be there when things fall apart.
Post # 12
The other thing is- I’ve been in her mental place. It’s hard when you realize you’re older than someone else was when they met someone or got married. I think often about how my sister got married at 28 and I’ll be 31 in two weeks and won’t be married yet. At her wedding I freaked out, being only two years younger, and was ready to settle down and just about marry anyone not to be single past 28. Luckily, I didn’t meet anyone around that time, or I’d be married to them, ha!
Ive since calmed down but I still get mad that she will have 3 more years of happily married life than I will. It’s tough feeling like an old maid, no matter how old you are.
Post # 13
crisy003: a friend of mine fell hard for her now-SO, like your Maid/Matron of Honor has, and had some stage-5 clinger behavior – luckly, her SO is a good guy and very patient with her. be patient with your Maid/Matron of Honor, just nod your head and be supportive unless she’s doing something completely crazy. she’s probably not in the right place to talk wedding stuff right now, so don’t discuss those things with her. if you wait a few months, she should calm down.
Post # 14
I’m sorry but It sounds more about you wanting to talk about your wedding and not her stuff. your tone in regards to her relationship or lack there of, comes across really condescending; just because they’ve known each other for a short while doesn’t mean they can’t grow into Everything she’s dreaming about, my friend’s parents knew each other three weeks before getting married and they just celebrated their 38th wedding anniversary. Even if she’s going overboard so what, that’s your friend she should be able to talk to about whatever and vice versa. I’m sure she was probably tired of hearing about wedding stuff too but she listened because that’s what friends do. I thinks it’s odd for her to be so gaga over this guy so soon but as a friend just wait for it to die down and don’t make her feel crazy because you’re painting her really crazy in this post, I’m sure she would be pretty hurt if she read it.
Post # 15
Different strokes for different folks. Clearly both parties need to be on the same level, but no one is in any place to judge.<br /><br />I told my husband I loved him the second day we were together. I moved in with him after three months (Would have been sooner but various things were in the way.) We got married in less than a year.<br /><br />If his prayers tell him he’s into this, cool. If not, shit happens. Every relationship has the puppy love stage. Chances are you were all over your boyfriend (at the time) talking to her about it, right? <br /><br />I wouldn’t devote yourself too much emotionally to being disgusted with her.