(Closed) my moh hates my fiance

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
9061 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

So?

Realistically, how much contact are they going to have after the wedding?

You cannot force people to be friends, and I do not see how her personal like or dislike of your fiance means she cannot be your MoH, support you, or be a good bridal party member.

I was a bridesmaid for a very good friend of mine. I did not like her husband. He was very nice, but I was not fond of the guy. I was mature enough to put my dislike of the gent away for a while and support my friend.

I assume your friend can do the same, and you need to leave the issue alone. You’re just going to aggrivate a wound that you cannot fix. It isn’t your responsibility to fix it. If she wanted to be his friend, she’d fix it.

Post # 4
Member
492 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I would not have anyone at my wedding that didn’t support me and my SO as a couple. I especially wouldn’t have a MOH that didn’t respect my relationship or disliked my FI. Like you said she is supposed to be supporting you and helping you through this but instead she is causing drama and tension between you and your SO. I would tell her that you love her as a friend and you hope you can still remain friends after the wedding but her lack of support is uncomfortable and you need to be surrounded by love and support on of the most important day of your life. Shape up or ship out!

Post # 5
Member
3357 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

^ditto Hyperventilate

Post # 6
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I would not have someone in the bridal party who did not 100% support my marriage including being friends with my fiance. 

Post # 7
Member
8697 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Hyperventilate:+1

I dislike some of my friend’s significant others. I still love my friends. I would still be in someone’s wedding AND be happy for them unless this person was an abuser or cheater.   

Post # 8
Member
2168 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

When I marry my SO there will be no one in attendance who does not sincerely love us both and support us as a couple, never mind standing beside me as MOH. The day I take my vows of marriage is far too important and intimate of an occasion to have unsupportive people present. 

Post # 10
Member
9061 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Just because your MoH dislikes your fiance does not mean she will be unsupportive or any less happy for you. If she is a mature woman, she can easily say, “I think you’re rushing things but I will support you anyway.”

Post # 11
Member
4372 posts
Honey bee

I don’t necessarily think the MOH has to be friends with your FI. She is there to support you. There have been lots of thread about how someone is asked to be In the bridal party, but don’t really approve of the marriage. The general consensus on those threads is– suck it up and support your friend/family. Of course, you should do what you’re most comfortable with. But in reality, none of my bridesmaid really spend much time with DH, so it wouldnt have been a big deal to me if the didn’t get along. And actually, now I think about it, they kinda don’t. 

Post # 12
Member
624 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I’m my sister’s MOH and only bridesmaid and I can honestly say I don’t like her FI. In fact my whole family doesn’t BUT we love her and support her, she is the one we care about. Being there for her is important to her and we love her so we deal with it. I don’t think your friend should have told you she didn’t like your FI, but you cant make them like each other and they probably won’t have to spend a ton of time together. I don’t think you’re being overly sensitive, it sucks to hear your friend doesn’t like your FI, but hopefully she can be there for you and put her feelings aside to support you. I think the fact that she agreed to be your MOH shows she supports you. I would keep her in the wedding, as long as she wants to be in it!

Post # 13
Member
1066 posts
Bumble bee

This one would be hard for me. I would feel in the middle. I know that my MOH would never say anything if she didn’t like my fiancee or stir trouble. She would internalize her thoughts, for my sake. friction like this can cause problems. If they are going to handle the whole dislike thing maturely then no problem, but I thought her comment a little immature.He did appoligize, which was thrown in his face. Badly done by MOH.

Post # 14
Member
2269 posts
Buzzing bee

If you MOH is willing to be nice to your FI and doesn’t plan on causing drama with him, or between you and him, I wouldn’t be overly worried.

If she is making things difficult, then I agree with the posters who have said that she shouldn’t be a part of you wedding day if she refuses to support your marriage.

Post # 15
Member
8316 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Honestly if my best friend told me she had concerns about my fianance or disliked him then I would be worried that I was blinded by love. Sorry but the reason someone is your close friend is because you love them, respect them and trust them. It would certainly make me think twice about someone. If you have a perfectly common relationship with this friend (as in it is not co-dependant or this is not a normal trait for them) then they really have no vested interest in causing trouble or breaking you up. It would make me think that I may be glossing over the issue. I would definately talk more with her and maybe with others to see if it was something I am refusing to recognise.

Post # 16
Member
406 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@j_jaye

I disagree. The reality is there are going to be people in the world that we don’t like. It doesn’t mean OP needs to question her relationship with her FI. It just means that there’s something about MOH’s and FI’s personalities that don’t mix. MOH doesn’t have to like FI and vice versa but they should be respectful of each other for the sake of OP.

@fron330

I do not have an MOH because she does not like my FI. He has made every effort to befriend her and I think it’s because of her own relationship problems that she can’t accept him. Since you have already made your friend your MOH I would just try to not worry about the friction between the two. It is ultimately something they either work out or not. No need to stress yourself out or put yourself in the middle. That said, I know it can be difficult to hear the two people you love most in the world don’t like each other.

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