Post # 1
It was just a year ago I had been a part of her wedding, and now she is going through a divorce and I’m the one getting married.
I am totally empathetic to her plight, and she seems to be doing really well with everything. Although, she doesn’t always express her emotions. When we went bmaid dress shopping this weekend, she couldn’t have been more disinterested. She was literally on her phone the entire time. I know some of it was to take pics of the dresses, but a lot of times when I was trying to decide stuff, she was texting or facebooking or IDK what. I was really hurt, but didn’t want to say anything b/c I’m sure the last time she was at that store was with me shopping for her wedding
Is it selfish of me to feel a bit dejected? I’m not asking for much at all, but I do only have 3 bridesmaids (well, 2 BM’s and a bridesMAN!) so their interest and involvement is important to me.
Anyone else experienced something like this? What to do, what to do…
Post # 3
It is probably difficult for her to deal with all the wedding stuff as she is going through her divorce. She probably wants to be there for you as a friend, but I can understand that her heart isn’t fully into the dress shopping experience as it might remind her of bittersweet souvenirs about her own. Even if she appears to deal well with everything, it doesn’t mean it’s easy for her.
I think you should definitely expect distance from her and understand it’s due to her current situation, not to her friendship to you.
Post # 4
I think your feelings are valid, but just imagine what she’s going through. I think she should get a pass for being super excited and into your wedding. I think it’s great for your friendship that she’s continuing to be there for you when I’m sure it’s hurting her. It’s fine for you to be upset about it, but don’t say anything to her unless she stops talking to you or starts being blatantly upset about your wedding.
Post # 5
@BurlapnLace: Ugh. That sucks! I would just give her space and understand that she may not be 100% currently into planning your wedding right now, and that’s ok. Imagine going to a wedding right after a breakup/divorce- that has to sting a little.
At the same time, I understand that it is sucky for you. You have 10 months until your wedding, so I am sure she will perk up by then!
Our Best Man is currently going through a divorce but I think it’s a bit different for guys. It’s not like FI is asking him to help plan.
Post # 6
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
I divorced my first husband less than a year after marrying him, and even though I was happier overall – weddings were so not my thing. My BFF and cousin got married a year after the divorce was final and I STILL struggled with even going to a wedding at that point. I went, obviously, but it brought a ton of emotions back, and I am sorry to say I wasn’t very there for her during her time. I feel awful about it now, but it was just a hard thing at the time and she doesn’t hold it against me.
Basically, I would still try and include her, but don’t feel too personally affronted if she isn’t 100% on the ball.
Post # 7
Yeah. It’s an odd/tough situation. I want to be respectful and empathetic to her situation, which I am. But I was really disappointed when we went shopping, since it was something I’d been looking forward to and from what she said, so was she. It didn’t help that the store discontinued the color I went there to see NOR did they have anything in the styles I wanted for my girls to try in their size!
The trip was not a good one. But I’m going shopping for my own dress this weekend so hopefully that’ll be more successful (I had a dream predicting otherwise last night! )
Post # 8
@BurlapnLace: I can definitely understand why you are disappointed, but I am sure she is absolutely overwhelmed by what she’s feeling and it’s probably painful and emotional to be participating in wedding events when her own marriage has fallen apart. Hence her tuning out during the appointment in order to detach from those feelings – I bet disinterest is really a cover for the pain. I can be like that too (shut down instead of expressing emotion) and I am so lucky that my friends know this about me. I’d try to be patient with her and give her a little bit break – she is clearly trying to be there for you!
Post # 9
When my best friend got engaged and asked me to be her maid of honor I was super excited and happily ready to go…during her almost 2 year engagement I began dating my SO, who I met right after his divorce. I was picturing my wedding with him and getting all excited when he told me that he did not ever want to get married again (this is what he told me a few weeks before her wedding). Even though I was not going through the divorce myself…I suddenly felt like if I were to stay with the man I love I was never going to have anything that my best friend was having even though he had been willing to do it with someone else. It honestly caused me to back off a little bit and I suddenly wasn’t as excited…helping her prepare her wedding just made me depressed. I would smile and try super hard to still be a good friend, but then I would go home and cry. It also didn’t help that the other bridesmaids were all supermodel-esque married women talking about their weddings every chance they got. It sucked..and everything that bastard put me through was for nothing because now he DOES want to marry me. what an ass! haha
Anyway, I can only imagine how difficult it would be for the person actually going through the divorce and who actually saw her own marriage fall apart. It must be awful.
Post # 10
@BurlapnLace: My sister/MOH is currently going through a divorce so i can totally understand! It stinks because you are trying to balance being understanding and sensitive during a difficult time for her with allowing yourself to be excited about your own wedding.
Post # 11
@BurlapnLace: Sorry but you’re just gonna have to let this one go. I understand that it’s disappointing to you that your MOH is distant but she is going through one of the toughest emotional situations she will probably ever face. I don’t think there’s anything you can do to solve this, the woman is going through a divorce and while her behaviour may have been a little rude it’s totally understandable and it doesn’t cross the line into ‘unacceptable’.
I imagine wedding planning with you is especially painful for your MOH because she was planning her own wedding not too long ago. Acitivies like BM dress shopping will be painful for her right now, that’s probably why she was being distant at the store.
I think this siutation would be easier for everyone if you accept that your MOH is not going to be the person you will lean on for support. She’s going through an emotional crisis right now and that trumps your desire for her to be an involved MOH. I think you should let your MOH know that you know this is a very difficult time for her, and you completely understand if she doesn’t feel she’s able to take part in any activities.
Post # 12
I was going through a divorce at the same time I was MOH at my sisters wedding. Even thought I wanted the divorce and am much happier now it was tough. It hurt going to the same bridal shop that I picked out dresses in knowing that my marriage failed, basically everything wedding made me feel like a failure. I know you want her to be involved but you just need to let it slide. I know it’s your wedding and it’s about you but you need to understand that going through a divorce (especially when the marriage didn’t last long…like mine) is tough, it sucks, one minute I was fine then other times I’d just cry. So just let her be as involved as she wants to be and don’t get angry when you don’t get the upbeat happy wedding loving respones from her because she’s probably only thinking about her failed marriage. I know I was.