Well, I had a dear college friend start trying for her second child exactly 9 months before my wedding. Shocker- she got pregnant and she and her family couldn’t come to my wedding. They did try to pull the- maybe we’ll come if the baby is early or late, so save spots for all of us. Like I was going to pay for 4 of them and reserve space at our destination wedding location when they probably wouldn’t be able to come! It turns out that I was right to tell them just to decline the invite because she went into labor at the exact time my ceremony started! The baby was born the day after my wedding.
I was a little miffed because I was looking forward to having all my college friends together in one place for the first time in years. I thought to myself- if seeing all of your dear friends was really important to you, you could have waited a couple of weeks.
I’m currently 7 months pregnant. I have a dear friend who is getting married at the end of October. I offered to do her flowers for her and she accepted. When my husband and I made our plans to start trying to conceive, I most definitely accounted for the promise I had made to her. When she pushed her date back by a month, we held off trying an additional month so that I wouldn’t be too pregnant to fly to her wedding (which is VERY lucky because I did get pregnant that first month trying and would have been unable to fly from Boston to LA for her wedding). I made a promise to her and I intended to keep it- she’s my dear friend, I love her, and she’s worth it.
It would be bridezilla-ish to control the procreation of the people involved in your wedding. But it is also inconsiderate to make a promise to a friend and then fail to keep it (assuming her pregnancy was planned). I understand why you’re hurt. I would be hurt too if I was in your position. (Like you, I wouldn’t share those feelings with the expectant mother, but I would vent here on Weddingbee!)
If I were in your position, I would do the following:
Tell her you’re happy for her and her husband. Tell her that her title of MOH is still in place, even if it turns out that she can’t make it to the wedding or can’t do all the stuff that comes with the title. Tell her that you’ll understand if she’s not up for traveling when the time comes. Tell her that you’ve asked So and So to step up as co-MOH since you know she’s not going to be able to do it all.
Then just be prepared for there to be an open slot in your wedding. It’s not the end of the world. If you really are stuck on not having a ‘hole’ perhaps choose a junior BM who could step in or add another BM? Uneven wedding parties are really common. Remind yourself that your bridal party is supposed to be the men and women closest to you and your FI- not just fixtures and props for the pictures.
When you look back at the photos, you won’t be thinking, “If only there was a warm body in a BM dress standing to my right!” you’ll be thinking, “My husband and I are so lucky to have these men and women in our lives!”