Post # 1
I have 7 people in my bridal party and my Matron of Honor is currently putting together my bridal shower and bachelorette parties. So far, she is footing the bill and delegating responsibilities… the girls so far have not chipped in monetarily. I am certain, if the girls were asked they would help her out. How should she go about doing this? Is it bad etiquette for me to mention it to them? Should she just come out and ask them for money? She feels awkward asking for money. Any ideas? She assumed they would offer… but most of them aren’t married yet and I don’t think they know to ask. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. : )
Post # 3
i would nicely say something to them. its not fair that your moh is footing the bill for something that they will all be doing.
Post # 4
I would just have her put in an email to all the girls very matter of fact: “Hi Ladies – So excited about the upcoming festivities and I am so glad that you will all be able to participate. I figure we would all just split the cost. For the bachelorette party, it will be $50/per person, for the shower it will be $80/person. You can either send me a check or give me the cash the day of. Can’t wait to share this special time with all of you guys!!!!”
No wishy-washy or apologetic language. This is what it costs, end of story. Hope this helps.
Post # 5
First of all… you should not be involved in the discussion at all. Your MOH should have spoken to the girls and never brought this up to you. So you need to remove yourself.
Secondly, I have to disagree with magilnyc. If your MOH would like to split the costs between all the girls she should have consulted them BEFORE she made set plans. It’s not up to her to determine how much each girl can afford. At this point she should write an email and say what she has planned so far and what the per bridesmaid cost will be. If someone comes back and can not afford the cost, your MOH will have to cover the difference, or change the plans.
Post # 6
I second Moose1209’s comment.
Before anything was planned if she needed $ from the BM she should have asked what they can/ if they afford anything. Its not your BM’s jobs to do all this stuff the only job they have is to buy a dress and stand up
Post # 7
I agree, asking ahead of time would help figure out how “big” of an event should be planned. I may seem a bit harsh on this one only because I have been the MOH and got stuck with the bill before and it sucks.
And I agree with Moose1209, You should not be involved in this discussion. Your bridesmaids should be making this as stress-free a time as possible for you. That’s their job 🙂
Post # 8
Totally agree. Budget should have been agreed on before MOH unilaterally made the plans. I think all the MOH can do at this point is ask each girl to chip in whatever they can afford if they would like to contribute. I would be pretty upset if I was in a wedding and was not consulted on the cost of a shower or bachelorette, and then told to pony up “my” share of the money.
Just wondering, why is your MOH doing all these things without consulting with the rest of the bridal party? Although it might be her job to organize, she should be involving them and getting their input, not just delegating responsibilities to them, in my opinion.
Post # 9
Hi ladies!! Thank you each so much for your suggestions. I’m totally not sure how to handle the situation now and have kind of put it at the bottom of my list for the time being. I think my MOH has a tad bit of a control issue and that is why she is delegating responsibilities rather than asking for everyones suggestions. In her defense everyone lives out of town except for her and two other bridesmaids. Sigh, you guys are right, I wish she hadn’t of involved me in theproblem… I really don’t know what to do now.
Post # 10
I was just simply let her know that this is an issue that she needs to take up with the other bridesmaids. Like Moose said, it is not up to her to determine what each person can afford. She can send them a kind email explaining what she has done and paid for and ask if anyone is able to contribute to the cost. She should not feel bad or awkward asking for help. That being said, she should not have to bare the entire cost for the bachelorette party and bridal shower. I am sure the other girls will be happy to help out.