(Closed) my MOH said she doesn't want to attend my wedding!

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
2497 posts
Buzzing bee

@pinkbean:  If she’s telling you that she doesn’t want to attend your wedding, then she shouldn’t be your MOH. Your MOH should be supportive of you and your marriage, and you need to be able to count on her to be there for you. She’s doing you a favor by telling you that she doesn’t want to even come.

Two suggestions: either (1) demote her to bridesmaid or simply just a guest and/or (2) promote another bridesmaid to MOH.

Post # 4
Member
6207 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

I agree, she shouldn’t be your MOH if she doesn’t support your marriage. Are you sure there isn’t something goign on here? Does she have feelings for him that you don’t know about?

Post # 7
Member
6207 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

@pinkbean:  It sounds like this girl has way too many issues of her own to be happy for anyone else

Post # 8
Member
2497 posts
Buzzing bee

@pinkbean:  Ah, okay. I think you need to make it about you, not her. Don’t focus on her negative attitude. Instead, tell her that you need a maid of honor who will be supportive on your journey to your wedding day. Ask her if she can fulfill those duties and share in the joy of your marriage. If she says she cannot, then tell her that she needs to step down from her role.

Don’t worry about finding a replacement MOH; your bridesmaids as a unit should be supportive and help you with any traditional MOH duties.

As for ruining your relationship with her, think about how keeping her as a MOH will save your friendship. Sorry to be blunt, but once you are married to your FI, it seems that your friendship with her will dissolve anyway.

I’m really sorry you are in this difficult situation. I don’t think there is an easy answer, but hopefully you will choose the option that results in your greatest overall happiness.

Post # 10
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m sorry. I had an issue like this with my FSIL she was suppose to be one of my moh the other is my best friend she has always said how she couldn’t wait for us to get married. But when my FI proposed I think she got jealous she was pregrant at the time and she wanted her bf to propose and he still hasn’t. Every time I would bring up the wedding she would talk about how she wanted her furture wedding or yell at her bf that why didn’t see have this. I started dreading having her in the wedding. Then she got into a huge fight with my FI that said at that point she didn’t even want to come to the wedding at that point me and my FI decided it was prob best to not have her be in the wedding it was a mutual agreement between all of us. Ever since then I have been so excited because my best friend/MOH is amazing she is so excited and wants to be there for every part. You want your wedding to be amazing. Maybe you should talk to her and see if she still wants to be in your wedding. You don’t want to look back on your day and regret it. I know a lot of bees on her don’t agree with demoting someone and I agree that if you just change your mind its not right but when someone says that they don’t want to be at your wedding or they don’t agree who you are marrying then they probably shouldn’t be your MOH.  Hope that everything works out

Post # 11
Member
2523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Meh. Sounds like she’s freaking out because she’s jelly.

Post # 12
Member
255 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I don’t mean to be a pot stirrer but is there ANY possibility she knows something that you don’t? For instance, that your FI is cheating on you? Is he’s a con-man? Does he have an addiction that will harm you in the future?

Love blinds us to things and there are times those closest to us see what we can not. I find it odd that she helped him with the proposal and loved him for you just months ago but has suddenly turned on him now. That does not sound like jealousy. It sounds like she might be trying to protect you without breaking the golden rules of friendship.

I’m just saying, perhaps you should have a really down to earth, candid discussion and find out why she’s really up in arms. Hopefully she’s just proud and wounded from the fight. Good luck  

Post # 13
Member
521 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - Italiano's Humble

@MeiFrancis:  I was thinking the same, that she has feelings for him. she was all excited, until you said yes. I’dbe worried, but that’s just my opinion. she can’t just hate him overnight. unless there’s a reason behind it.

Post # 14
Member
166 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@pinkbean:  She sounds really immature IMO. It’s YOUR big day, so she should suck it up and be there for you regardless of what silly fight she might be having with your future hubby. I agree with PP that you should ask her if she can handle it, and if she can’t, I wouldn’t want her to be there. You don’t want your big day to have any awkwardness or tension. It’s a special day, and someone elses problems should make no appearance!

Post # 15
Member
6207 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

@cheetah2b:  Yeah, exactly. Sometimes girls tell their friends that they hate someone instead of that they love them, because that’s easier to fake than not having an opinion. Hate and love are both very strong emotions, and she might actually feel some hatred for him if she had feelings for him but feels rejected, etc.

Post # 16
Member
2515 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@musicalrose:  that was my first thought too. it just sounds like she knows something and maybe doesn’t know how to tell OP.

OP- i’m going to echo what musicalrose said about sitting down and having a candid discussion about what’s going on.

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