Post # 1
So, i’ve been getting the feeling that My MOH wasn’t going to be much help. She was all for it in the beginning, calling emailing. But then the bm dress try on was the first clue I should have noticed. After calling to tell me she couldn’t make it because she had to work a double, my mom caught her at the bar out with friends drinking and playing cards. Yikes, I took it lightly thought it was a long day at work, then she started ignoring my calls and not making anytime. Assuming she was stressed because of her new 2 jobs being a nurse, tryign to buy a house and planning her own wedding, I just brushed it off. A litttle annoyed, i’m sure you understand why. Then it came, the phone call last night that shes returning her BM dress for store credit towards her wedding gown and had to step out of our wedding due to stress….fine whatever. I took it in stride,
So here is my dilemma, I know who i’m going to ask to be a BM, but how do i ask after I asked her to be my Personal Attendant, and also, how do I chose a MOH that yes I’m great friends with all my BM’s but they all know me the same!!!
Post # 3
Sorry, I should have gave you a background on my BM’s, 2 are teachers with my fiance and i met them through him one year ago and we have all 3 grown really close. The other is a cousin in which, I kind of felt forced to ask to be a bm since I have no sisters or family in it except her. And last but not least, my HS friend since 4th grade, however she up and moved out of state after graduation from HS in 04 and i have only seen once since then, but have kept in touch very well over the years and i actually flew out to spend a weekend with her this past summer.
The new BM that was my personal attendant that I wished I would have asked ot be a BM to begin with knkows my fiance very well and we have became very close over hte past year with her and my fiances brother getting engaged in October.
Phew, long story, sorry!! Any advice WELCOME!!
Post # 5
I’m not really sure what a “Personal Attendant” is, but I’m sure she would like to be a BM as well… maybe say you were having a particular number of BM due to budget restraints, and since your MOH stepped out you would like her to join the WP.
As for who to be your MOH, you don’t NEED one, so personally I wouldn’t single one out (just know who is going to sign your marriage license- the only ‘real’ job of the MOH and best man).
Post # 6
So when the best man gets up to give his speech, who gives mine?
I have never been to a wedding with no speeches before? It’s so different because I had a baby at 20 so all of the so called “good friends” went a different way than me, partying and what not while i took care of my family. So all of the friends who i grew up with i lost touch with due to those issues.
But it’s nice to know i dont need one! I asked my mom if i need one she said I completely do. So I was just kind of torn!
Post # 7
You don’t really *need* a MOH… one of your BMs can give a speech for you! I’m really sorry your friend bailed on you, but it’s probably better she did it now rather than later.
Post # 8
- Wedding: March 2009 - Byodo-In Temple, Luau Reception
Yikes. Sorry to hear all that. You’d think a best friend would love to stand by your side for your wedding. It’s almost to the point where I’d question your friendship between you and her. It’s one thing if she couldn’t afford to be a bridesmaid (We all gotta admit, it is quite pricey to be in a wedding), but (depending on her reasons) bailing on friend for cards and drinks is another story.
Who says you have to have a MOH? Couldn’t all three girls be your bridesmaids without having a MOH?
Post # 9
Agreed that you don’t need a MOH. I was in a wedding where the bride didn’t want to choose between me, her other best friend, and her two sisters, so we were all “bridesmaids” and just as honored. And guess what – she’s just as “married” as someone who had a MOH! As for your marriage license, this can be signed by anyone who is a witness to your ceremony – so maybe your mom would like that honor? And anyone can give a speech too, you can ask one of your BMs or your parents or whoever. Most of our wedding party had anxiety about speaking in public so we just had our parents do the toasts.
As for asking the girl, I think the financial excuse proposed by emily is a good one. It’s expensive to have a lot of bridesmaids since you have to get bouquets, gifts, etc so I think she would understand. Another way to go about it is to say “you know, I was thinking about how I asked you to be a personal attendant. In fact I would really like you to stand with me on my day as a bridesmaid.” or whatever. (I don’t know what a personal attendant is and what is the difference between that and BM?)