My MOH tried to kill herself… what do I do?

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: What would you do?
    Be a supportive friend, let her stay the MOH : (181 votes)
    61 %
    Let her be a bridesmaid, just not MOH : (12 votes)
    4 %
    Take her out of the wedding altogether : (33 votes)
    11 %
    I have no idea. This sucks. : (70 votes)
    24 %
  • Post # 3
    9412 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    @HisQueen2Be:  I would do exactly what you’re doing. Your wedding isn’t her first concern right now (or at least it shouldn’t be) and you don’t need the added stress of having her be in your bridal party (as selfish as that may sound). It would work out for the best for both of you if she was simply a guest at the wedding. Just my 2 cents though.

    ETA: I’d also take my key back. I’d rather not open my home to something like that ever again. I’m not saying don’t be her friend, but I do think she needs help and some boundaries.

    Post # 4
    3635 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    @HisQueen2Be:  Holy hell, what a mess.

    I think you should talk to her therapist about what would be best for her in regards to the wedding. 

    Post # 5
    5460 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I would probably talk to her before making any decisions that affect her.  Maybe she feels terribly burdened and doesn’t want to be in your wedding.  Maybe being in the wedding is something that she can take hold of and focus on to get her through.  I have no idea- I think this is something she should weigh in on before you make up your mind.

    Post # 6
    1177 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    She’s sick.  You have to treat her as you would someone with cancer.  Depression is an illness. I say this as someone who has attempted suicide.  I think that taking away her MOH title would make her feel like more of a failure in life, quite honestly.  This isn’t about your wedding.  This is about your friend being ill.  Please give this some time to settle before making a decision.  

    I’m biased, of course, since I’ve been in her shoes.  

    Post # 7
    4760 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I said let her be MOH, being demoted will prob make her more depressed.  After she took the pills she obviouly panicked and cried for help.  I mean no your wedding isn’t her primary focus but it is not going to be anyone’s primary focus but your own.

    Post # 8
    2299 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    You need to talk to her about this. Ask her where she stands, be supportive, listen to her. I personally wouldn’t tell her anything – I wouldn’t say that your wedding is too much stress for her, because maybe it isn’t. I wouldn’t say that she would be better off stepping out of the bridal party, because maybe she needs something to focus on right now. Ask her, instead of telling her.

    Post # 10
    1416 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    but what if being in your wedding is something she is looking forward to? You may make her more upset by acting like she is too much to deal with or to have in your bridal party.

    Post # 11
    2527 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2011




    i think taking her MOH status away might make her feel even worse. please talk to her and ask her how she’s feeling about being in the wedding. also, she needs to stop smoking weed because that just makes mental illness worse. she’s self medicating and needs to see a psychiatrist.

    Post # 12
    2851 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I get where you are coming from, but I fear that you asking her to step down could set her down a whole other suicidal tangent. I agree with @almostmrsj: , ask a/her therapist what you should do?

    Post # 13
    1526 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    @HisQueen2Be:  I would suggest NOT kicking her out of the wedding.  Just because she attempted suicide, does not mean the people closest to her should exclude her.  It is important for her to get the help she needs, and to feel like her friends and family want her and need her in their lives.

    Ask your other bridesmaids for additional help in regards to wedding planning.  Keep your MOH involved but make sure you take the time to talk about NON wedding related things with her.

    Post # 15
    1177 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    I also want to mention, that often when people are suicidal or depressed, they cite reasons that will make sense to other people, but are often unable to really pinpoint *why* they feel how they do (as plenty of people have crappy jobs or relationships and aren’t to that point).

    Also, to echo Atalanta .. This was a cry for help or she wouldn’t have gone to YOUR house where she thought YOU would help her.  I know this was scary for you, but this is a good thing.  Not everyone attempts suicide where someone can stop them.  She obviously felt safe coming to you.  If she hadn’t, this might be a very different post.

    Post # 16
    6958 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2015

    @HisQueen2Be:  You’re right that your wedding is not what she should be focusing on right now… so don’t even bring it up. Maybe make someone co-MOH but definitely don’t expect Spice to throw showers or anything. Your wedding is still several months away- it could be that she’ll be fine by then & be able to stand up with you. If not- she can sit as a guest. Don’t worry about that part for now. Focus on being there for your friend. 

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