My MOH wants penis decor at the bachelorette party and I don't!! Help me =(

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2062 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@futureluckymrs:  I can’t help but think maybe she’s playing a mean joke? I would certainly send in your other bridesmaids to make sure this is not happening!

Post # 4
Member
1750 posts
Buzzing bee

You could make it clear to her that you don’t want and won’t tolerate penis items, strippers, or anything like that, and that you’ll leave if any of that stuff is there. You could ask another bridesmaid to see what she’s planning if you don’t want to wait till you show up at the party. 

This doesn’t need to be a difficult thing or dramatic. If any of that stuff is there, you just leave and go somewhere else with the guests who choose to join you. She’ll understand at that point that you weren’t joking. 

Post # 5
Member
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Ya I’d solicit support of the rest of your Bridal Party…

Make it clear, that if it isn’t a “tasteful” event… you won’t be attending… or just walking out on them.

The Rules of Etiquette… still apply even tho you are the Guest of Honour.

The Host gets to set all the Details of the event… but that doesn’t mean anyone HAS TO Reply YES they’ll come… you retain the Right to Refuse to attend.

And if an event isn’t to your liking when you are there… you are within your Rights to always CHOOSE to Leave.

Lets hope your MOH is kidding with you…

Otherwise the BIG D!CK in the room is going to be her !!

 

Post # 6
Member
7216 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@This Time Round:  +1 to all that. The bride does not decide the night but she is allowed to veto certain things, and is not obliged to attend if those wishes aren’t respected.

I told my MOH that my own only condition was that it had be a night that one of my best friends C would attend. I knew C would veto any rubbish. Do you have a level headed bridesmaid or friend like that. who you can insist be involved in the planning?

Failing that, a more direct approach is to simply tell MOH you’ll walk out and go home if there’s a stripper or penis decor.

Post # 8
Member
715 posts
Busy bee

@futureluckymrs:  Uah, how annoying! Yes, I think having your bridal party stand up for you and your wishes would be a good thing. I think you totally deserve to have a party you enjoy…

Post # 9
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2015

ARGHH … i know EXACTLY how you feel … however the person pushing all the exact same things isnt even a BRIDESMAID.

 

My Bridesmaids know me well, i like to go out and have a good time but i also like a bit a tact. My friend is insisting that she is involved in the planning and on numerous occasions have mentioned that she will be bringing penis related items and hiring the stripper… even getting the number of one at a pub the other weekend.

 

Each and everytime i kindly remind her that she is not a bridesmaid so she doesnt get a say and that she clearly doesnt know me too well if she thinks i would want any of that. I have told her 5+ times now that if a stripper rocks up i will kindly leave and that it would upset my bridesmaid also that are actually planning the event.

 

She still hasnt given up … and to be frank… im over it !!!!!!!!! She is one that no matter how much i say no … she will still do it so im getting worried.

Post # 10
Member
641 posts
Busy bee

Honestly, until you stop acting like a penis is the most horrifying thing in the world, they’re hot going to stop having fun at your expense about it. Hell, from your OP meltdown about the horrors of the penis (poor penis…) I kind of wanted to, Annd I don’t even know you.

If you want the parade of dongs to stop, you’re going to have to be able to talk about them like a mature adult. Tell your friend you don’t want your bachelorette party to feel sexualized. You want a nice gathering with your favorite people. You don’t want to dress sexy for people who are not your husband to be, you aren’t comfortable with a sex industry worker there, and you don’t want to attend a party that looks more like a celebration of dicks than a celebration of the relationship you have with your ladies.

You’re going to have to be firm, and say it in a mature fasion with no freaking out and calling penises disgusting or else they are going to be going in with the mentality of getting you drunk, and then busting out EVERY DONG EVER.

Post # 11
Member
1892 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@futureluckymrs:  wait! She won’t let you have a say in your Bach party bc she didn’t have a say in YOUR wedding?! That’s messed up. I would put your foot down, and be serious about it… That if it’s not classy, then YOU WILL NOT be attending! Be very clear and firm about what YOU want!! if she wants a night out to have sexy, penis, stripper fun she can do it another night without you…

Post # 13
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@futureluckymrs:  “No penises at the bachelorette!”  was actually something I discussed with my MOH when I asked her – luckily she full heartedly agreed!  Your MOH sounds like she is being a jerk – why does she think she gets to plan your wedding?  Is there something about your wedding that is especially hurtful to her?  I would definitely enlist my bridesmaids to respect my boundaries.

Post # 14
Member
1892 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I fought this hard with my MOH and in the end it really didn’t matter…. yes some penis shaped things showed up but it was quickly “lost”… the harder I fought it though the funnier everyone thought it was and sort of did it more to “get” to me (just joking not really mean but the kind of prank we pull on each other)

everyone still had fun and it wasn’t a bad time even if it wasn’t exactly what I personally would have wanted/planned.

I went out with a bunch of my girls, we were silly, we wore tiaras, I had a sash (again only for like 2 pictures and then it went into a bag with all the other crap), we drank, we made guys do stupid tricks (someone had this truth or dare “fishbowl” that you had to do silly things like sing a song or dance with a random guy – harmless stuff nothing dirty) and most of all we laughed and hung out together

 

Post # 15
Member
3598 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Where does she get off thinking she’s supposed to have a say in your wedding???  If she throws you a penis party, I’d kick her out of the bridal party because she clearly doesn’t respect your feelings.

Post # 16
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I am lucky that my MOH is my sister and she totally gets me. I am just not a get-wasted-and-wear-a-tube-dress-and-a-feather-boa-and-tiara-while carrying-an-inflatable-penis-on-an-all-night-club-crawl kind of girl. Not my thing.

I think you should loop in all your bridesmaids and just have a conversation about it where you don’t put down anyone’s ideas but you just say that a sexy penis party just isn’t appealing to you and not the direction you’d like to go in. Explain how you do want it to be and what would make it fun and comfortable for you.

Your friend might be teasing you since she’s getting an “ewwwww!!” reaction, but I would hope that if you had a heart to heart with all your bridesmaids about what would be fun for you then they would take you seriously and respect your wishes.

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