Post # 1
My boyfriend and I have known each other now for almost 10 years. Josh is 26, I am 22. We have been dating since January 19, 2011…On Friday August 3rd, 2012. He asked me to marry him. (And of course I cried my eyes out and said Yes!) Now, Like any couple we’ve had our ups and downs. But I could NOT live without this man. He is the one. Well, It was a total surprise. He did not ask my parents or anything. On Monday, I went over to my parents house and let them know…The reaction..Not too good…I just bought a house the previous year and a new car this year. Needless to say our finances are completely in check! :} We are two in love responsible adults. My Mother starts going…”Uhm, A. You’re too young..B. He just wants to marry you so you guys can get a divorce and he can take half of your things…C. He didn’t ask our permission……My response..Well Mom..We want the wedding to be in September of 2013….OH THAT’S NOT A GOOD TIME. LANCE IS GRADUATING NEXT YEAR BLAH BLAH BLAH (Lance is my little brother)…Now she stopped being over dramatic and now she’s just asking a million questions and pushing this along..But asking questions like “Are you sure, you’re only 22. Once you get married, the fun is over..You have to live..There’s lots of people out there.”
I need some opinions.
Will I be too young to be married? By September of 2014. I will be 23, 2 weeks shy of 24. Josh will be 27.
Am I moving too quickly?
And did we go about this inccorectly? Orrr…Are my parents just overreacting?
Post # 3
Only you know if it’s right. I will say I was 22 (days shy of 23) when I got married the first time, and now at 38 I see how differently things can be…how people change, etc. That being said, it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. And the entire “he didn’t ask our permission” thing REALLY steams me. Sure, it would be great for their blessing, but you are an adult and don’t need permission! This isn’t Little House on the Prairie days where Almonzo needed Pa’s permission to marry his 15 year old daughter!
And no, the fun does not end when you get married. Sure, you have more responsibilities..absolutely. And you have to work very hard. Marriage isn’t all rainbows and unicorns. But it’s not bad either! It’s fun! And it should be!
Post # 4
I don’t think you’re moving too quickly. I understand completely where your mom is coming from, but some people don’t really care for living the single life. I’m 21 and have been dating my fiance for 6 years and I want to marry him WAY more than I want to live the single life as a young woman. If you honestly want marriage more than to be “free” (i.e., not settled down), then you’re not rushing!
It may also be possible that your parents are having a hard time seeing you as a 22 year old adult. My parents definitely see me as the high schooler I was years ago. I’ve already graduated from COLLEGE. High school was a long time ago!
Post # 5
@GFerg: “Marriage isn’t all rainbows and unicorns.”
Well, damn. What am I going to do with all this unicorn food now?
Post # 6
First of all, you both probably should have been there when you told your family. I am 23 and my fiance is 32. Age is just a number. We have, however, both been married before and know exactly what we want in life and out of our relationship. I would most def recommend pre-marital counseling. It makes you think about things you never would have before and it does not need to be a religious thing. As for your mom… I would tell her “just because you stopped having fun once you got married does not mean I will.” but then again, I am kind of a smart ass. Your parents want the best for you, are very cautious – I am assuming you are the first of their kids to get married. If you have known each other so long I would think that it is love and not just for material things. Just IMO.
Post # 7
@AshleyWestfall: Wow, how rude.
It sounds like you’re living like adults so I don’t see the problem.
If you were just out of school, had no job, and barely hit real life, then I’d say maybe you’re rushing it. But in this situation I think your parents grossly overreacted. Do they like your FI?
I wouldn’t second guess yourself. You’re not rushing into anything.
If they don’t come around then whatever… it’s your life.
Some people are weird.
Post # 8
No stranger on the internet can tell you whether you are too young or not! We don’t know you and we don’t know your relationship.
However, your family does know you and they do know your relationship (hopefully) and they want the best for you. So if I were you I would consider their opinions. Which it seems you have seen as you are now questionning yourself.
There is nothing stating that you can’t have a long engagement, figure out who are in life and who you both want to be before you settle down and get married.
I met my DH when we were 20 but we didn’t get married until we were 27. We got to enjoy eachother while growing into adults (we were definitely not adults in our early 20’s) but we also had the freedom to be a little reckless and do things that may not be appropriate for a marriage.
Only you and your FI can know what is right for you, but please do not get caught up in the engagement bliss and wedding planning crazies until you figure out what is right for you, your FI and both of your futures!
Post # 9
You guys have known each other for a long time. It is clear that you are in love. I don’t think you are too young to get married, especially if you are having the wedding in 2014. Honestly, I think your mom is overreacting. What she said about your FI divorcing you and such is completely uncalled for. It’s also not true.
Post # 10
@ LR2012 HAHAHAHA! So awesome!
Post # 11
Are they old fashioned? Have they had a reason not to trust your FI? If not, I’d say they are probably just overreacting.
I don’t think you are too young. There are people that are 40 years old, get married, and get divorced. Age is just a number. It’s maturity…do you have a job? Are you financially set? Can you handle all the mature decisions that come along with being married.
Just a side note, I had a girlfriend of my cousin tell me that “once you’re thirty, the bullshits over” to my question of why she would want to get engaged after only 6 months. It was probably wrong of me to assume you can fall in love with someone after 6 months, but her comment was just very poor. She was a thirty-two year old 12 year old who wasn’t mature, withheld sex from him to get money for clothes shopping, and didn’t respect his family.
Anyway, I would have a discussion with your mom and tell her how you feel. If she’s saying things like “there are lots of people out there” I have a feeling she doesn’t like your FI for some reason, and if you guys don’t know why then sit down with your mom and figure it out. Good luck.
Post # 12
You have known each other for 10 years? That’s enough time to “know” someone… and I am surprised that Josh had to ask your parents permission to marry you… You are not underage, and this is 2012! It’s cute to ask… maybe Josh can go over and apologize for not asking first and then ask permission just for the sake of peace?
And p.s. you’re old enough!
Post # 13
Me and my fiance had only been dating for just over a year when he proposed…I was 22, and he was 29.
Most people in my family had a positive reaction to the news- except for my dad. His response was “Just keep in mind that you ONLY just met this guy, ok?”, and “I hope this is going to be a very long engagement!” Needless to say, I was not impressed. However, I quickly realized that I can’t let his opinion make me question my decision to get married, so now I just ignore his snarky comments.
IMO, you are not getting married to young if you honestly feel it is right for you. Nobody knows you and your fiance’s relationship better than you guys.
Honestly, I would personally just ignore those comments. She may come around once the actual wedding planning starts, 🙂
Post # 14
@AshleyWestfall: Just a tip. If your username is your real name and you used real names in your post, you might want to consider chaning the names while you still can (you can Edit in the first hour after you post). Some families are pretty sensitive about posting such information publically.
Post # 16
My Mom is a crazzyyy lady. She has to think of every possible outcome before making her decision on whether or not ANYTHING is a good idea…And it drives me up the wall…She has been coming around though. Now, Josh and I live together. When I purchased a home, it was a foreclosed home. Together we made this home into a masterpiece. (I’m obsessed with HGTV) But, I think she’s starting to realize that we already act like a married couple. So she’s coming around, I just hope 13 months is not stressing her out making her act this way. Might have to push the date…Uhgg.