My mom bought a black lace tight dress with a train to wear to my wedding…..

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 6
3586 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

She’s not going to be able to steal any attention from you, so I’d let her wear it and look stupid in front of everyone.  

Post # 7
901 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Oh man that would piss me off. It doesn’t sound like you are going to get her to change her mind. I agree with PP about letting her look stupid. Nobody is going to remember your mom’s dress, they are going to remember you and your husband. Which would you be more upset over in ten years, her wearing the dress or not coming to your wedding?

Post # 8
536 posts
Busy bee

Hmmm ok, not as bad as I was picturing but still inappropriate for mother of the bride.  I don’t think you’re overreacting… but I agree with @strawbabies: , she will only make herself look silly in the dress.  At most I would explain to her the theme and setting and see if she realizes how ridiculous she will look.

Post # 9
774 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - Dalhousie Castle

I’m dying to see a picture! 

I think you are 100% in the right. You specifically asked her NOT to buy that dress… and what does she go and do? It sounds totally inappropriate and yes, you should be the only one with a train. I am not sure you can force her to change it though. Is there anyone she would listen to that could talk some sense in to her?

In the end, if she did wear that dress your day will not be ruined. She’ll look a little silly and overdresses, but you’ll be marrying the love of your life so none of it will matter in the end. 

Post # 10
7920 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Oh gosh thats hilarious (from the outside anyway). Coming dressed as Elvira to an outdoor wedding. My advice: just say Mom, I just don’t want you to be embarressed when you’re the only one at the wedding in formal attire more befitting of a Tim Burton theme party than a wedding and an outdoor one at that. If you put your foot down and say you can’t, she’ll just push back equal force yes I can. You gotta wage some psychogical fashion warfare and get your dad on board too. 


I do think your mom can dress formally (full length) and let your dad wear the tux. They’re proud And they want to dress like it. People will think its sweet because it’s your parents. 


If she absolutely will not budge: don’t bar her from your wedding. At that point you cry and cry and say of course I want you there and give one last plea. Maybe you’ll get her sympathy. She wants you to be happy on your day right?


still nothing? Then just let her wear the dress with a smile and an eye roll. You only get one mom and not letting her be at your wedding is a far greater offence then dressing like the Aadams family. That will be a wound that might not ever heal and it’s not worth it. 


Post # 11
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Honestly, I think this is one thing to just give up on and let it go. Not 100% the same, but FMIL was asked to wear a black dress (of her chosing) and went ahead and bought a steel grey dress and texted me a picture after she bought it saying it’s bought and can’t be returned. She will be the ONLY person not wearing black in some form other than me. And then she went on to suggest that the groomsmen wear charcoal/grey vests and ties. She’s real special…

As much as it upset me, and believe me I was so upset I cried for almost an hour, I just decided to let it go. She’s going to do/wear what she wants and I’ve decided I’m not going to let her rain on my parade. At the end of the day, I won’t be around her much on the day of the wedding. I know it’s frustrating, but at least your mom didn’t buy a white or cream dress….

Take a deep breath, recenter, and just tell yourself you’re not going to let this upset you anymore than it already has. It will be ok – and your wedding day will certainly be all about you and your FI!

Good luck!

Post # 12
3222 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@MrsBuesleBee:  LOL, my first thought was Elvira too!

@Brittanyrio:  it sucks that your mom didn’t respect your wishes, but rest assured that she won’t steal attention from the bride. My parents try to control me with money as well and I find that the easiest way to get out from under their thumb is to just refuse their money. It gets to be a lot easier to not care about someone else’s choices when you’re not beholden to them.

Post # 13
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Brittanyrio: Sounds like what happened at my wedding!

It will pass by and you won’t even realize what happened 🙂

Post # 14
5883 posts
Bee Keeper

My SIL wore something similar to her son’s wedding, but had the train removed so the skirt was even all the way around. At first I thought it was a little too much for the MOG, but I have to say she looked wonderful in it. They had an outside wedding too, but the reception was in a ballroom.

It doesn’t sound like she’ll change her mind, so what’s the worst thing that can happen? Will you regret not having her there for such a special occasion?

Post # 15
564 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016



It seems like you know your mother, and what she can be like- and the people we love do not change just because someone is getting married.


It’s unfortunate that she wants to be poorly attired. Or it’s her attempt to “compete with you”. I was at a wedding not to long ago where the bride’s mother wore a prom-style ball-gown with a train (this was not a black tie wedding most women were in cocktail dresses). She looked ridiculous. Everyone knew she looked ridiculous- At least she didn’t wear white.


Whatever she wears will not reflect on you at all. If she looks ridiculous- let her look ridiculous. You theme and setting are completely inappropriate and it’s not a black-tie affair. If she wants that long lacy train dragging on the dirt outside- I suppose that’s her own business.




Post # 16
279 posts
Helper bee

@Brittanyrio:  Unfortunatly your mother is a guest and you cannot dictate what guests decide to wear. It sucks that it is something you don’t like, but really nothing you can do about it. 

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