my mom cancelled my babyshower

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
480 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@mrskane:  so you actually went ahead and threw a shower and now she is throwing you a second shower and wanting you to contribute? I agree with her original point that it’s not usual to have a shower for a second baby unless there was a considerable age gap between the pregnancies.

Post # 5
559 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2016 - Charleston, SC

@mrskane:  hmm…I don’t think your mom should have made you buy your own cake or cancelled just because she was upset. However, I also really don’t think you should have thrown your own baby shower. Ultimately and unfortunately there’s not much you can do about it; if your mom/relative/friend/etc. doesn’t want to throw you a shower (or decides to cancel it), you don’t have one. 

Post # 6
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Etiquette Snob here… lol

(In so much as I know all the rules)

Ok if I understand this correctly you are asking about a Baby Shower for Baby # 2

Traditionally, Showers are not given for a second baby** because one assumes that one has all the BIG items they require left over from the first baby (Stroller, Car Seat, High Chair etc)

** The only instance when a 2nd Baby Shower is in good taste is when the Mother is having Multiples (so needs MORE stuff) or there has been an extensive gap between Baby # 1 and Baby # 2… as in a HUGE surprise or second marriage (ie Babies are like 10 years apart)

And I’m not 100% sure from your post (as it was hard to read)

But it is NEVER appropriate for a girl to throw a shower for herself… just not done (be it Bridal or Baby)… comes off as being excedingly gift grabby

Hope this helps,


Post # 8
480 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@This Time Round:  +1 you said basically the same thing as me, but so muh more detailed and eloquently! Haha 

Post # 11
4043 posts
Honey bee

@mrskane:  I think bees are trying to offer good advice but your posts are a little confusing. Do you really need another shower? You could politely decline and avoid the confrontation with your mom. As other PPs have said, showers are not common for the second child and it is typically frowned upon to throw one for yourself. But what is done is done. I would suggest not having another one.

Post # 12
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

My mother had a second shower as my sister and I are 9 years apart.  I found that within good etiquitte. I don’t think that 6 years is a big enough gap, however I think it is on the higher end of the age gap line to MAYBE have another shower.


But all of that aside, lets talk about what this post is really about.  Your feelings are hurt because your mom canceled your shower that she was throwing you! My feelings would be hurt too, so I really don’t think you are being unreasonable.  I do, however, find it unreasonable that your mother is throwing you a second baby shower after you already had one for yourself.  I find it odd because at all the showers I’ve been to, ALL family and ALL friends were invited, so who is your mother planning on inviting?  Are you double inviting the people thata already went to the shower that you planned for yourself?

Post # 15
3009 posts
Sugar bee

@mrskane:  you should never ever throw your own shower. As for the cake, no you shouldn’t be paying for it bc you shouldn’t be hosting your own shower. Ever. It is very tacky. Having a baby does not equal “everyone owes me a gift.”

Post # 16
7292 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@mrskane:  I think you mother felt very strongly about you not having a shower for your second baby. Maybe she fel that it was embarrassing/shameful to her/her family for you to throw your own shower and to have one for a second baby. Maybe she told you she was going to throw you a shower so that family wouldn’t come to the one you threw yourself and then she cancelled her one becuase she doesn’t think you should be having one. 

At the end of the day what does it matter? You had a shower for your new baby. Just be happy with that.

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