- 8 years ago
Sorry to take out this public rant, but this has been eating away at me all day. A little back story… my fiance and I have been together for 8 years. We, like most couples, have had our fair share of ups and downs. Because I’m very close to my mother, I have often shared my relationship problems with her and she has shared her’s with me – she left a bad marriage after 26 years and is now married to a wonderful man. Needless to say after 8 years in my current relationship, we have had some pretty messy fights and I know my mom wants what is best for me so I’m sure there are times that she thinks I would be better without him.
Well, last September, my fiance proposed a few weeks after my sister’s current husband proposed. My sister is only 19 and her husband is 20. They’ve dated since the 6th grade and do really seem to love each other – but how many hardships have they really weathered together at this young age? And neither has ever lived any where but at their parents house (where my sister still resides). Because her husband was scheduled to leave for Japan in December (he is in the Navy) – she decided to rush the wedding in order to get married before he left (in hopes of eventually joining him in Japan). Because of the rushed and stressful nature of her wedding, I thought it best to just sort of suppress my recent engagement excitement and instead focus on her… I traveled home for each of her events, planned her bachelorette party, made food for the shower and I made the save the dates and shower invitations. I wanted it to be special for her and I think it was.
In the meantime – all the planning for her wedding, the impending holidays, and the fact that my brothers and sister all said they may not be available when I was planning to get married (even though I traveled up to 12 hours for each of their weddings, took off work and spent hundreds of dollars) all became to much – so my fiance and I decided push back the wedding to September 2011 (as opposed to our orginal date of September 2010). I thought the change would be a benefit and would allow my family to get more involved and maybe it would also be a way for me to be the center of the wedding excitement… I was wrong.
This weekend my mom came to visit and we went to several bridal stores to try on wedding dresses (actually, I’m getting a white/ivory bridesmaid dress). What I thought would be a fun way for us to get excited about my wedding – became a monologue on my sister’s recent wedding. My mom spent every second of the appointments talking to the consultants about my sister’s wedding – her dress, the flowers, the reception, the food, etc… And when I attempted to change the subject with the consultant by talking about honeymoons, my mom promptly jumped in and discussed my sister’s possible move to Japan to be with her husband… I don’t mean to be selfish, but can’t this part at least be about me?
Later – during another dress appointment – my mom asked me what color and type of dress my sister would be wearing (she is my only bridesmaid), I said my colors for the wedding would probably be eggplant/fig, pomegrante/dark pink, grey, black and probably a bright pink (we’re getting married in an art gallery and love food – hopefully that explains the crazy color choices)… Of course my mom wrinkled up her nose and said my sister would look better in midnight blue. My mom then asked me (in front of the consultant) if she could just come to wedding in her pjs and be comfortable – since she hasn’t been comfortable at either of brothers or sister’s weddings.
I feel like I’m being selfish and crazy, but I just want to feel a little bit like a bride – like my sister, my sister-in-laws and my mother… But now I’m getting to the point where I just want to elope.