My mom doesn't care

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
1028 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@anonybee29:  Please take this in the spirit that I mean it but when you wrote Now I’m worried that when i schedule appointments to shop for my dress she will be “busy with her boyfriend” I immediately thought to myself that you’re right, she probably will be. If what you’re saying is true then, to me, you have asked very little of your mother with regards to participating in your big day. Your mother sounds selfish, self-centered and in constant need of male companionship. I’m not suggesting for a minute that she needs to be a lonely old widow but as you said, you are her only daughter getting married which usually conjurs on SOME excitement but seems to have the opposite affect in your case. It sucks but you might want to realize this is how it is and lean on others for support.

Post # 4
4576 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@anonybee29:  That sucks, sister :-/ It doesnt sound like you are being demanding at all, just looking for a little support from your mom.

I dont *want* my mother heavily involved in this process, but I can relate in regards to the disinterested mother: mine is on her way out of her 5th marriage, and all she typically talks about is herself. I dread calling her back when she reaches out because I know it’s going to be 45 minutes of her ranting about her life and radio silence on my end.

My advice to you would be to keep your expectations low :-/

Post # 7
1028 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@anonybee29:  I’m really sorry to hear this. Sometimes I read about the joy some women feel about their mothers being there with them and I feel the slightest bit of saddness because I dont speak to my parents – AT ALL. And when I read stories like yoursm they sound so close to what mine would be like if I did speak to them so I say good riddance.

It might sound harsh but I have gotten to the point where I rid all people who wish to do me even the slightest bit of harm. Unfortunately they have fallen into that category for years and it was time to cut them loose! Self preservation is key!

Post # 9
1626 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Sweetie, I am so sorry you are going through this. 🙁 Things between my mom and I were strained for a very, very long time (read: she kicked me out on Christmas eve 5 years ago and I moved out of state to a friend’s because nobody in my family would help me).

I moved back to the area to finish school, and I met my FI while I was back here. I think once my mom realized that a) I am an independent human being that doesn’t need her and b) cutting off her nose to spite her face meant she was missing out on my life, she changed her tune.

Things are not better between us for a long shot, there is a lot of history there, but she has really stepped up her game when it comes to the wedding and she is trying really hard (but I think it might be because FI’s family has put in so much effort that she’s trying to keep up with the Joneses and not look cheap. But I like to think that she actually wants to be a part of it too).

I hope that your mom has an epiphany moment about what she will be missing by not participating in this.

*hugs* Good luck!!

Post # 10
12 posts
  • Wedding: June 2014

I didnt realize that there were so many other people going through the same thing. It has been eating away at me and making me so sad with how little involvement or even happiness my mother has shown in my engagement/wedding planning.


I keep thinking or expecting something to change or that shed call me up and ask a question about the wedding but it never happens. Im 8 months away from my wedding and Im currently not speaking to my younger sister who is in the bridal party, my step father who i asked to walk me down the aisle freaked out because he doesnt want to cause a stir with my real father whose been out of the picture for 17 years… and then theres my mother who feels that i shoudl be the one calling and updating her because I am the “daughter” and she is the “mother” therefore all things should be brought to her.


At this point im at a loss as to what to do other then keep my expectations at an all time low, and keep them at bay (but this usually brings on a guilt trip or how ive somehow been a horrible daughter) Not too sure how things will play out. But  you have to focus on the good people you have in your life and those who WANT to be there and want to help. Regardless of your mothers inner issues etc shell either come around or regret letting her inner emotions get in the way of her only daughters big day!  Her problem not yours.


Be happy and try to surround yourself with happy people 🙂


Hang in there!

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