- 6 years ago
- Wedding: August 2012
I am just realizing that what it all comes down to is my mom is just not the mom I want her to be. It’s really hard to accept because she does such opposite things of what you THINK is natural for a mother. My sisters are going through the same thing as well. It’s so disappointing.
So we eloped. My family was not upset; probably relieved they did not have to travel honestly. They told us up front they could not travel (mom and sisters). My mom was uninterested in the wedding from the get go, not even sure if she would travel (but ready to travel here if it were a vacation before we picked a wedding date), then she said she wanted to go (gasp!), but then backed out saying she couldn’t fly (too nervous), hangs up on me, emails me to say go on without her, she cannot make it, so sorry.
Low and behold, after we finally decide to just elope to Canada from all this emotional anguish (it was a truly amazing elopement by the way!), she asks, “Well can I still fly out for my vacation next month?” WTF? She wanted to come visit me in my state in September. I told her how bad this looks on her part – Vacation? Sure! Wedding + vacation? No, I can’t do it! Feeling like a dutiful daughter, I gave her a 4 day weekend in September explaining I don’t have many vacation days left. It was not long enough to her liking so she said, “Just forget about it.” Later I told her I cannot host a vacation for her this year now.
We got married on 8/28 but I had photos on a link and shared the link with family on 9/6. I KNOW my mom saw the photos, as she was at my sister’s house with a good internet connection. On Friday 9/7, I called her. We chat for about an hour, actually she just talks and I just listen mostly.
She does not say one WORD about the photos in that whole hour. I just freaking got married and she just looked at the photos last night!!!! I really was hoping she would say something. Heck people I see at the store mention it right off the bat! (I was not fishing for comments, but one would hope our own mother would say something nice.) I guess I was testing her or letting her talk about her day first. She goes to say good bye. Knowing I’d feel crappier about hanging up without even mentioning it, I decided to ask, “So did you get on the computer yesterday?”
She said, “OOOOh, I forgot! They were bea…. Hey, why are there hardly any photos?”
[Note: I put 48 photos in the link, I am getting 100+ total. They are not ready yet.]
I just can help but feel crushed. She couldn’t even finish a simple compliment. My wedding has just driven a wedge between us – but I already know her view on marriage (it’s a curse and no one in their right mind would get married intentionally – her words) so I shouldn’t be shocked. I saw it before, when I got married 10 years ago. She didn’t she me get married then either. Then she wonders why her daughters don’t have great relationships with her?!?!?
So this is a vent and a request: Anyone got any good self help books on how to love your mother, accept her as she is, but keep your distance? She’s not going to be any different, but I don’t want to be so hurt by her lack of motherhoodness! How on earth do you have a good relationship with someone like this?