Post # 1
Planning a wedding is more stressful that I thought with all this family drama. My mom and dad got divorced 1.5-2 years ago. My father had cheated on my mother and she is extremely hurt from this ordeal and still harbors alot of anger.
Now, my fiancee and I are planning to get married in Czech Republic next year since that is where alot of his extended family lives. He also wants me to see his home country and experience the culture. My mother has said she is refusing to attend the wedding if all my father’s relatives (brother, aunt, cousins) go because she does not have any other family that will attend. However, I feel I cannot ‘disinvite’ them because that will create even more hurt feelings and some of those extended family on my dad’s side have been helpful through my life. She feels that so many people from my dad’s family going will make her feel she is being ‘ganged up on.’ She said she may be able to deal with his better if we change the wedding destination to somewhere closer to home.
I am really at a loss of what to do. She also suggested for us to throw two receptions, one at home and one in Europe, but this is too expensive since my fiancee and I are paying for the wedding all ourselves.
Post # 3
Hey, I’m sorry to here you’re in this situation 🙁 I don’t know what the best decision in this case is but I do know what I might do if I were in your shoes, I would most likely just continue theceremony as planned, as it would just disrupt a lot more people tochange things now. I would tell your mom you’re sorry she’s uncomfortable, but that you hope she still chooses to attend. Hope it all works out!
Post # 4
If you haven’t already you should explain to her that she is causing you more stress because of this.
If I came to my mom and said those words she would completely reevaluate what she’s doing so she can be more accomodating.
It’s about you that day, she will just have to put those fears aside to support her daughter.
You can set up the seating chart so all of his family is as far away from her as possible and let her know she doesn’t have to stay so long at the reception if she feels uncomfortable. That’s just about as close as it gets for meeting in the middle with a situation like this.
Post # 5
Wouldn’t having it farther away eliminate some of your dad’s extended family from coming?
Anyway, you need to have a heart to heart with your mom and tell her how much added stress this is causing.
Also I agree with PP. Make a seating chart and set her away from anyone that may bother her.
Post # 6
- Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA
Why not do a 2nd reception? Do something closer to home so your mom feels more comfortable with it, and let her decide if she wants to go to both, or just the home event.
I can understand your feelings, and it’s definitely unfair of her to ask you not to invite 1/2 your family just because she doesn’t like them anymore; but I don’t think you’ll have much success changing her mind. :-/
Post # 7
@SaltyRamen: I would tell her that she is being unfair to you by not setting aside her issues with your father’s family on the day of your wedding. Can she bring along some close friends and make it into a vacation so that she doesn’t feel so alone? Honestly it would probably be less expensive & less stressful for you to pay for a few extra guests (or even a couple family member’s airfare) than it would be to host a second reception.
Post # 8
I would do a second reception but make the second one small and cost efficient.
Post # 9
Why not get married close to home, and honeymoon in Europe?
Post # 10
You really need to explain to your mom that HER issues are NOT your issues and the wedding is not about her. She can get over herself and come, or she can miss out. But you will not be manipulated in this manner.
Post # 11
Why does she feel like she’s going to be ganged up on? If a family member of mine cheated on their spouse, I’d think they were a jerk, not the spouse.
Post # 12
I am in a similar boat with regards to the parent situation. Both my parents are going to attend my wedding however I have had a few bombs dropped on me from my mom. For example “You should have your brother walk you down the aisle”
On top of the parent dynamic there is a very messy tangle of aunt, uncle drama which involves one of my brothers as well. I have opted to go for a seating plan so I can try to divide the masses!
I was very stressed about who I should/Want to invite and who not to invite due to drama even though I would be upset for not attend. I had heated arguments with my family about it.
I have decided to just leave it. I will invite who I want, have the wedding I want and if you don’t come well that your choice. You cannot force anyone to go to your wedding and those who love you and support you will be there for you no matter what.
I would have a chat with your mom. I would suggest planning a girl’s weekend with just you and your mom to talk about it, but also talk about your relationship. Bring up old times and how much of a loving support she has been all these years. Explain that it was your decision to have your wedding away.
I hope this helped! Good Luck!