(Closed) My mom is dating someone and we can’t understand why…

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2538 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

My Mom has dated tons of sketchy men and it’s scary. Are you close enough to talk to her? Is there anywhere else your sis can live? Has your mom gone through anything which would lower her self-esteem enough to date a guy like this?

Post # 4
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

See, when it comes to friends, there is less you can say about their choice in SOs.  But when its family, and specifically you’re mother, I feel like those rules don’t apply.  I may be a minority here, but I’d say something.  I’m very protective of my mom.  If she were in the dating world, I think I’d be over critical, which isn’t good but I admit it.  However, unless there were big red flags like you’ve all seen I would try my hardest to let stuff go.  In your case, I’d just respectfully/kindly sit with her and tell her what you think.  She might not necessarily leave him, but she may become more aware of these glaringly obvious (to you and everyone else but not to her) red flags.  Chances are she just loves the attention but she doesn’t want to harm herself or her children.  Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
2538 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

It’s only been a week, but say something before it gets worse. Get her away from him by lying (it’s for a good cause). Do what you lied about and casually mention that you’re worried. See what happens.

Post # 8
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee

I’d be careful.  Weird can easily = not what I’m used to from my mom!  And if/when that’s the case concern = how dare my mom live her life in new and interesting ways when I want her to stay stagnant for my comfort.

Your concerns are absolutely valid and it’s upsetting that your sister is so upset by this guy that is spending a lot of time in her home – I think it’s great that you can offer a place for your sister to stay.  By the way how old is she?

And certainly what you say about his conversations etc. is suspicious but it’s also not at all conclusive.

So yes I’d express concern to your mom and ask her some questions but I would be very careful not to imply to her and not to behave as if her doing something out of character is a bad thing.  Life is for the living and sometimes for the changing.  It sounds like your sister is a teenager and your mom has ‘raised’ her kids – IMO a perfect time to up the excitement in her life.

Post # 9
Member
2015 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Umm, is your mom my mom?

I’m in the EXACT same situation! Like, seriously.

Although, my mom’s been dating her BF for four years. NO ONE likes him. My mom has a history of picking bad men. Her current BF is no exception. My family is very accepting and loving. We wanted to ADORE this guy because my mom’s been through a lit and deserves to me happy with someone who loves her. We gave this guy two year’s of chances before we all pretty much formed a final opinion on him, which is that we hate him. He’s spoiled, selfish and has been nothing but disrespectful to our family. He ruined our engagement dinner that my mom flew out to throw for us by calling MR selfish and disrespectful. I cried. At our engagement dinner. He almost blew a surprise birthday party for a family member because it wasn’t exactly what HE wanted to do. But, according to my mom, he’s like, the greatest thing since God.

Point is, she’s around him all.the.time and gets so upset when he’s not invited to family gatherings. My sister still lives at home because she’s still in college, and she calls me up all the time to complain about how they ask her to leave so they can be alone. Like, hello? Are we in college? Well, my sister is, but acts more mature than those two when they’re together.

What have we done about it? We’ve spoken up, calmly and nicely said she can do better. Listed all the things he’s done to hurt all our feelings. We said our peace. She didn’t agree, and she continues to date him. What else can we do? Nothing. Because it’s my mom’s decision, and we can’t make her break up with him.

It sucks. So I completely relate. I just wanted you to know 🙂

Post # 10
Member
1066 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Wow I can relate also, I feel bad for you.  You need to tell your mom how you guys feel, but she might also feel attacked and get defensive about him, especially bc she sounds so into him.  I don’t know what to tell you, but these situations suck.  Thankfully your sister has you so she can move out and live with you if she can’t deal with it.  Would that upset your mom if your sister were to move out?  Maybe thats a wake up call that she needs?  I know you just want your mom to be happy, but this sounds so wrong for her… and she’s your mother… you guys all need to come together and say something 🙁  Sorry you’re going through this, you’re definitely not alone!!

Post # 12
Member
573 posts
Busy bee

I think that you are doing the right thing by talking to your mom. In the end you have to llok out for whats best for your family. Even if your mother doesnt see it now that you are trying to help her she will see it in the future.

Post # 13
Member
695 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

OMG, I could have written your exact post. We were in almost the same situation just as I went off to college and my poor sister was stuck at home. I’m not sure I have any advice–my tactic was to just be polite to the guy and secretly hope they’d break up. If/when he did specific things that upset me/made me uncomfortable, I did try to politely/gently raise the issues with my mom, but she just wasn’t ready to see him for the creep he was. My sister’s approach was more temper tantrum oriented (not that I blame her b/c it was a terrible situation) but that didn’t work either. Luckily, after a few years, mom figured it out and broke things off. We were SO relieved. Hang in there, keep politely expressing concern, and most of all, keep supporting your sister. I hope it gets better!

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