(Closed) My mom is insecure over her appearance for my wedding…

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

How fancy is your wedding?  She could wear a scarf around her neck with a dress, as long as it was formal enough.  

Post # 4
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Perhaps plan a mother/daughter fashion day; go to the mall for makeup consultations and then to a high-end boutique for professional dressing advice. You’re spending how much on your dress?  I bet it’s a lot. Find some more in the budget to spoil your mom with a look put together by professionals. End your day with mani/pedi and relaxation. But suggest it to her as a mother/daughter day, with relaxation and bonding being the primary goal; don’t make it be ALL about the new look or that could hurt her feelings.  She needs to feel loved and beautiful on the inside before she’ll let you help her look beautiful on the outside— and it sounds like, to you, she could show up in a turnip sack and she’d always be beautiful to you. So make sure you tell her that.

There are also several charities that help women feel more comfortable and more glamorous in the aftermath of disease; see if there’s one in your area that might be able to offer advice.

Post # 5
Member
167 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

pay for a good makeup person and hair person. Even if your Mom doesn’t need it, it will make her feel like a million bucks! =)

Post # 6
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Here in Canada, we have a “Look Good, Feel Better” Campaign (https://www.lgfb.ca/) for women with cancer.  I’m wondering if there would be something similar that you could look into through the community, hospital where your mom gets treatment, etc?  I know that there are makeup artists/hair stylists where this is the focus; making unwell people look like themselves and as healthy as possible.  I would see if you could find a program like that where you are.  They will be able to help with the yellowness and scarring…I bet there’s lots of tricks they could do to make her feel better better about her hair.  Would she be up for something like that?  

What kind of shoes/whatever does your mom normally wear? When her feet hurt, can she wear slippers?  I have seen LOTS of MOB wear slippers at the reception (including a fetching pair with Winnie-the-Pooh heads once).  There are so many kinds now, that if her dress is long enough, you could get something that would be barely noticable, if at all.

I also like the idea of a personal shopper.  I think that it might make the shopping experience much better for her.  The other options is to find a great dressmaker and design a dress for her.  That could be really fun for the both of you.

She’s a fighter and I know how you feel about her scars.  Have you told her this?  I mean, all this stuff has happened to her body, but she’s still here, you know?  

I can see how this would be devastating for her because of course she wants to look her best.  I think the thing is to set her up for success here.  Don’t leave it to the mall or a “normal” makeup artist/hair stylist.  Get someone who has experience to help your mom feel her best.

 

Post # 7
Member
287 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

How about a long skirt and a lace top with long sleeves?

Post # 8
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Ditto what cola said, airbrush makeup all the way, it’s more but for mom worth it.

Post # 9
Member
726 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think it’s important to address just how far she is willing to go. I would hate to look back on pictures and think “wow, I look like a whole other person” but she might be ok with that, especially if it brings her back to before the health issues cropped up, so it is something worth finding out. Body makeup can cover the scars, a good stylist or a good wig can help with the hair. Maybe some really fancy jewelry can help her feel nice without going overboard on the makeup? 

Post # 10
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

* Her hair is “boy short” and VERY straight and limp. Stress, medications, etc. has caused a lot of thinning in the back which she HATES. No product, hairstyle, etc has helped thicken it.


Could you find a style that would cover the bald spot? my mom has very straight short hair and she kinda spikes it up and it looks cute. Or even extensions

* her skin is a bit more “yellowed” than most people because of the kidney problems, and while I’ve seen MUCH worse, it’s sort of obvious when she’s next to healthy people. She also has some yellow spots in the whites of her eyes.

Sometimes tanning helps this if she can get tan it may cover up the “yellow” even a spray tan

* She has several scars on her neck and upper chest/shoulder area from procedures, plus a large cathetar and bandage around the same spot for the dialysis. The only time you CAN’T see the cathetar is if she’s, like, wearing a turtle neck or hoody.


I would say have a professional make up artist do her make up and hide the scars. A lot of mother of the bride dresses come with scarfs for the catheder

* She also has several scars on her arms from procedures/surgeries. She also had a really bad infection that caused a lot of bad breakouts all over her body that left bad scars.

Tanning may help this (exspecially a spray tan)  Also again they can cover them with makeup

* Her torso/chest are teeny, tiny — almost delicate. She barely has A cup breasts.


A good bra and bra inserts can fix this no problem(fake boobs to the rescue lol) My mom has this problem and the alterations ladie sewed fake boobs(pads) into her dress LOL

* Her lower half (butt, legs, feet, ankles) are much, much larger. This is partly due to the steroids they had to treat her with when the disease was first diagnosed, and partly because that’s just where she carries the fluid that her body can’t get rid of.


I would suggest a empire waisted gown that is floor length

She can’t exactly work out or “lose weight” because of her health problems. She’s actually at a relatively healthy weight, all things considered. 

* Her feet are constantly in pain because of the fluid in them so it’s extremely hard for her to find shoes. Even the ones she has, she can only wear for a short period of time. Sandals are out of the question – any kind. 99% of dress shoes are too.

I was going to suggest kitten heels but if dress shoes are out of the question I would say again get a floor length dress and bedazzle some cute flats or even keds


I hope all or some of this was helpful! I hope your mom can find something wonderful to wear! Good luck!

Post # 11
Member
726 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Also, what kind of shoes does she normally wear? Ballet flats? Support shoes? If you give us an idea we can do some hunting. Or even do a different post in the shoe section! Because no matter how good she looks above the ankles, if her shoes suck, she will be miserable haha.

Post # 13
Member
726 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

New Balance makes dress shoes, since that’s the brand she’s most comfortable with. I hope this link works. http://www.newbalance.com/women/shoes/Aravon/211000,default,sc.html Also on etsy I’ve seen some custom shoe people, she maybe could take the insole/insert thing out of her New Balances (I don’t own any NBs, and rarely wear sneakers, but the sneakers I have do have this part as a separate entity) and put them into some custom shoes for a fit she’s used to?

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