Post # 1
So my mom is crazy–like she needs to be in a home kind of crazy. She constantly screams that my dad is cheating on her (he would never do that) and all sorts of weird stuff. She thinks everyone is out to get her so she is pretty much a schizophrenic.
Anywhoo, she said that she didnt want to meet my fiance’s parents when they come down for my bridal shower next month and all she will do is say what an awful person I am and that no one should be with me. My dad and brother said I shouldn’t have her come to anything (shower,rehearsal,wedding) and she proved this the other day by calling me a “fucking bitch” and saying she wouldn’t go and didn’t want to be there for me. Keep in mind, my dad is still married to my mom and refuses to “leave” her even though she is abusive.
I DON’T want her at my wedding even if she changes her mind. She will cause a giant scene and ruin my wedding. I just know it. How do I tell people why she isn’t at anything? I don’t want to say she is crazy but I dont know what else to do 🙁
Post # 3
I would be honest, that my mother is having some health problems and will not be able to make it.
It sounds like you all recognize she has mental health issues. Have you tried to get her to see a Dr? Its possible with the right meds she will be able to manage her diagnoses and be “normal” enought to enjoy and come to your wedding.
Post # 4
Could you use some sort of euphemism that would still feel somewhat honest? E.g., “unfortunately, she’s not well and attending would be far too exhausting for her”?
BTW, has your family tried to get her into some kind of treatment or therapy? I’m not saying it would fix the problem, but hormonal/chemical imbalances can often be moderated by proper medication and treatment. I feel so bad for your poor dad!
Post # 5
We have tried everything to get her to go to a doctor and she refuses to go and threatens us–she has episodes and everything. I didnt realize how abnormal it was until I hung out with other families and saw how their moms were. She is the craziest person I have ever met in real life. It runs on her side of the family.
I bought her mother of the bride dress so I dont know if I should return it or wait. Ugh. I hate that I dont have a mom to help me. Luckily FI mom is the best thing since sliced bread. She is incredible. My dad is going to meet his parents when they come in town–without my mother being with him. Talk about awful. His parents know she is crazy but what about his extended family? Im really embarassed about everything 🙁
Post # 6
@AirForceFiance: Don’t be embarassed! Its not you and doesnt reflect on you. Especially if your father will be there.
Its a diseas of the mind. Just like alcoholism, diabetes, high blood pressure, altzheimers etc. They are all medical ailments some affect the body and some affect the mind. I am not embarassed of myself due to my medical condition of my family that has any of the above illnesses, so please don’t be embarassed about your mom if she isnt even there.
I think it would look worse if you didnt explain her lack of presence and a short, truthful explanation will work best. “She is ill and will not be able to come”. If they persist with questions I would just call her “Mentally ill or unstable” People will stop asking after that.
Post # 7
No need to be embarrassed. His family surely understands. Those who do not yet know will understand as well. What if things were switched and your FI’s mom had these issues? Would you love him any less? Would your dad turn his nose up at him or his mom? Probably not. Everyone will understand and will likely be sympathetic and helpful. Don’t look at your situation as your glass being half empty. Think of it as being half full. Be thankful for the understanding and support of those who have offered. And be especially thankful for your terrific MIL to be. As I’m sure you know, a lot of ladies don’t have that!
Post # 8
Does she usually leave the house, or is it hard to get her to go out?
If she is used to going out, your Dad and brother could just pretend to be taking her out to lunch and take her to the doctor instead. I strongly urge you to do some research about doctors in your area and call a few of them and get their advice on how to handle the situation. From what I’ve heard, people with those kinds of illnesses tend to be very resistant to being diagnosed–but it’s not fair to your mom that she should have to live that kind of life when proper treatment might make things better and easier for everyone.
I know this isn’t really answering your original question anymore, but seriously, someone needs to try to get her help. The problem isn’t going to go away on its own–in fact, it will probably get worse over time.
Post # 9
@AirForceFiance: I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through that. It’s tough when it’s your Mom. If I were you I most likely wouldn’t have her come which would be a very very hard decision. Now I’m going to suggest something that I don’t know if anyone would actually do but…if you think she is truly in need of help, why don’t you Baker Act her? It might be the only way she will get help. I’m suggesting this but honestly I don’t know if I’d be able to do it myself.