Post # 1
As soon as I got engaged a month ago I called my mom to tell her I got engaged and all she said was “Oh yeah, he called me earlier today to ask for your hand.” No “congratulations”, no “I’m happy for you”, not even a “great.”
And now that I have started planning (although my wedding is in July of next year, I have to start planning now because I’m back at school from Aug-May). My aunt who is my godmother for the wedding has purchased my wedding and reception dress. My mom didn’t show up for the dress shopping, complaining that she was sick and felt like she was dying after she seemed perfectly fine over the phone the night before as well as the day after.
She keeps saying negative things like “anything can happen in a year” and “you shouldn’t get married yet” and even “it’s bad luck to plan everything so early”.
I feel like because she’s my mother even though she’s never been very great with being supportive, she should at least show me a glimpse of care.
I don’t know if I’m expecting too much, but I keep finding myself very upset whenever I talk to her about anything with the wedding, she either criticizes it like she’s an expert(even though she is nowhere close by experience) or she ignores what I say completely.
I don’t know who to turn to really and I feel like a time that should be so joyous is turning into a time when I’m being shown that I’m an orphaned bride (my father and I do not speak).
Post # 3
I can’t commiserate on what you are going through, cuz both sides of the family were nothing but helpful. Maybe she is jealous?
You could ask her point blanh why she is being that way
Post # 4
I think you may be right, and I will ask her. I’m glad you can’t relate really = )
Thank you so much!
Post # 5
@KeenNeoGeo: Yeah, Weddingbee has given me a whole new appreciation for my family after reading some of these posts!!
((HUGS)) hopefully the talk will help things…
Post # 6
my mom isn’t into my wedding either. at all.
so I just don’t talk about it with her….sucks, but eh. its my life (and has been for a really long time), and I can’t expect her to be into something she’s not a fan of in general.
I won’t lie though, it’s been nice to have an aunt (also my godmother) to be at least halfway excited for me.
Post # 7
I guess I’ll take the support I can get and run with it lol, and leave those who won’t lend it alone.
Post # 8
OMG. Do we have the same mother? Seriously. 🙂 I’m not engaged yet but it’s getting close and I was once years ago. But my mom has behaved and is currently behaving just like yours. It’s to the point where I’m currently trying to figure out what exactly I want to say when I confront her this week. Because it’s absolutely confusing. I’m nothing but responsible, successful, mature and yet I can’t do anything right, especially when it concerns my healthy relationship. If you talk to her soon, please, update us, if you feel like it. 🙂 I’m just curious as to why she is treating you like this. Sorry you’re having a rough time. Hope things look up soon.
Post # 9
I am sorry 🙁 My mother is not supportive either. Everytime I try talking to her about wedding stuff she says “I don’t feel like talking about that right now” or she just changes the subject to her problems…
Post # 10
I’m so sorry 🙁 I don’t have any suggestions, but I sympathize and empathize. I cried for an hour this past weekend when someone said my mother must be so excited after they found out I’m engaged. She couldn’t be much less supportive if she tried and as much as I try to tell myself it doesn’t matter, it hurts 🙁
Post # 11
It’s tough to cope with. I will talk to her about it the next time she runs on with the negativity or the next time I’m ignored. I’m going to let her know that if she is not interested in being supportive and doesn’t care about how it makes me feel, than she can’t expect to be part of the planning. I suppose at that point, I’ll be able to move forward with a clear head, knowing what to expect
Is it appropriate to ask your FMIL for help planning and such?
I’m sorry that you ladies have to deal with it too. It’s really shameful that a mother wouldn’t be over the moon and back about these things = / At least we’ll know better when it’s our turn!!
Post # 12
@KeenNeoGeo: Absolutely, include your FMIL if she is into it!! It will help bring you closer, and maybe also help your mom get involved…
My MIL was all about our wedding, and since our parents are all friends, it worked out wonderfully. If only my husband’s mother wasn’t in the picture…