Post # 1
My relationship with my mother has always been a little interesting. She’s been on me about my weight since I was about 10 years old. It’s gotten even worse since my engagement, the relationship with my mom and the weight issues.
Since last week, she’s called or texted me nearly every day giving me the number of a cosmetic surgeon and telling me how I should really set up a consult with him for some “work” since I’m getting married. And she’d pay for it all. She can’t get excited or offer to help me with my wedding, but she can be excited and pay for cosmetic surgery?
My mom wants me to have liposuction or a tummy tuck.
I’m really hurt. It’s always been bad, she startes suggesting liposuction or a tummy tuck when I was 15 and she comments on my weight EVERY time I see her, but this, this is ridiculous. I don’t even know what to say.
I don’t even know why I’m posting this on here, I just haven’t told anyone else about it. I didn’t want to tell my FH and I didn’t feel like telling any of my friends. They all think my mom is really awesome, and she is, when she isn’t telling me how fat I am…
Post # 3
awwwww im so sorry youre going through this… i dont even know what to say… 🙁 no mother should make their child feel like that. 🙁 if you are comfortable with your body tell her so. and tell her to stop pressuring you to get plastic surgery if you dont want to. 🙂
Post # 4
Aww hun… I’m so sorry! No one should hear comments like that EVER, especially from your mom.
Have you told her how hurtful those comments are to you and that you request that she STOP making them immediately? Tell her that you aren’t comfortable with those comments and that she should support your choices and decisions. And if that isn’t enough, let her know that it’s not healthy for you to be around people who are critical of your body, so you’ll have to limit contact with her until she stops. Hell, if my mom was saying crap like that, my DH would set her straight so fast…
Post # 5
no wonder women have body image issues right? my mom never told me those things but i saw her struggle with her own weight which made me think about myself and ultimately make me think that i need to worry about it. which i dont. but i have, all my life.
i am so sorry she is putting you through this. you are supposed to lift your children up, not put them down. she needs to keep her opinions to herself. do you tell her that it hurts your feelings?
Post # 6
My mother is amazing. I was raised by the most wonderful loving parents…except for when I order something to eat at a restaurant and she stops the waitstaff from writing it down and says, “Honey you should make a healthier choice” while glancing at my body.
I’m 30 and she has been on me about my wieght my entire life. I have been anywhere from a size 4 to a size 30 during my life (Now a nice 12:) and regardless of how big or small I was she has always given me a hard time about it. I have learned that it’s about her insecurities (perhaps because I have big wonderful breasts) and that’s it. You have to be ok with you and start telling her to back off. She’ll eventually get the hint and you’ll feel stronger standing up for yourself.
Post # 7
aw I’m sorry that you’re mom is doing that. I would STRONGLY suggest talking to your FH about it. I am sure that he will reassure you that you are perfect the way you are (which is why he is marrying you!)
Post # 7
I’ve tried telling her that for the last 6 years, but she doesn’t seem to listen. My sophomore year, I worked out and lost 30 pounds, but she STILL thought I should have surgery. My weight’s fluctuated pretty much from the time I was 13 until now.
It just really, really sucks. I’ve never been that confident because not only did I get bullied in school about my weight but I had to go home to my mom saying the exact same things.
Post # 8
Oh SouthernGirl I’m so sorry, that is such crap that your mom thinks it is ok to say that to you. You should stand up for yourself and say you and your FI love you for who and how you are and she needs to realize your weight is none of her business. Be proud of who you are and don’t let ANYONE tell you that you are any less of a beautiful person because of your weight.
Post # 9
You should seriously sit her down and tell her that she absolutely has to stop going on about your weight otherwise you will just involve her less and less in your life
Post # 10
Be a duck, as my mom used to tell me when the mean boys picked on me in middle school. She’d make this grand swooping motion with her arm and tell me to let it roll right off my back, like water off a duck. Shake it off, smile, and walk away.
Not literally, maybe, but same idea – tell her decisively that the answer is no and end the conversation, no discussion. Then think of the things you like about yourself and things you’re excited for about the wedding. 🙂
Post # 10
I’m so sorry and wish there was something more to say. You should really tell your FI what she’s saying so he can tell her he loves you the way you are.
Post # 11
I told her that I wasn’t having the surgery. I lost 30 pounds last year and I’m still working on losing some more. I know I can lose the weight without surgery. I don’t always feel great about my body, but what woman feels sexy every single day?
I was just kind of shocked that she said it to me.
Post # 12
@SouthernGirl: most people who are going to pick on you is due to their own insecurities. i agree with the pp about talking to you FH – you should be able to tell him anything and maybe he can help you overcome your body image issues.
i feel terrible because no one should have to deal with this kind of abuse, if you dont like me for the way i am then screw you, seriously…i would hope my mother would love me if i was 100 pounds or 300 pounds because its not about how you look, but what kind of person you are. Plastic surgery isnt going to make you any happier.
as long as you are comfortable in your own skin that is all that matters, and women all over the world struggle with body image everyday, the last thing we need is a family memeber to tell us what is right and wrong when it comes to how we look.
your mom is making me angry haha, im stewing in my cubicle.
Post # 13
Hmm when your home… or with your family (mom) that is when you should feel the most comfortable. Im so sorry your going through this!! I would tell your mom how much she is hurting your feelings when she says things like that. She probably just thinks of it like tough love, and doesnt realize how much she is hurting you!! I would let her know for sure and then go ahead and let her know that you are comfortable in your body, and nor you or your FI have an issue with your body so she shouldnt either. Dont feel so down, Im sorry that you are going through this!!!
Post # 14
@totheislnds: I haven’t told FH because he’s not here and I don’t want to have this conversation over the phone. He’ll be here tomorrow, so I suppose we’ll have the conversation then.
Yeah, I’ve got a migraine coming on from dealing with this on top of everything else that was going on.