- 7 years ago
- Wedding: October 2011
So the title line of this post pretty much sums it up. I went wedding dress shopping for the first time yesterday with my mom and FMIL. This was an uplanned trip- we were coming back from talking to our venue coordinator and were on our way to dinner and next to the restaurant there happened to be a bridal shop so my mom suggested popping in to take a look.
My mom is not a girly girl and is kind of shy and opinionless (she’ll put her two cents in every so often) but its like I have to badger it out of her. Even when we were at the venue discussing seating, florals, decor plans she was pretty much opinionless, while FMIL was excited running around commenting and offering suggestions. I pretty much expected as much. What made me the most mad was dress shopping.
MY mom was just lurking in the background with my FMIL worrying more about keeping her entertained so she doesn’t feel like a third wheel while I was looking through the racks of dresses by myself and paying no attention to me whatsoever! (I think even FMIL was thinking go help your daughter you idiot!) I had to actually call her over to be like come look at these wedding dresses with me!
It makes me so mad because when I’m at fiance’s house his mom dotes over him hand and foot and always puts him first and me second (she treats me very nicely, don’t get me wrong, but still I can tell her “baby” as she puts it, will always be her baby and number one choice). I just wish my mom had an ounce of “child pride” or whatever you want to call it. My mom has always been a people pleaser…meaning treat your family like crap in order to make a “guest” feel comfortable/welcome and placed first. Where as fiance’s family always looks out for their own first and then looks after their guests. Its like no matter where I am, I ALWAYS get the short end of the stick!
I tried talking to my mom about it when we got back and she said that she doesn’t know how to be girly or have that “child pride” with me, she was never a mom to brag so I guess I just thought that’s how all moms were but as I got older I realized there are a lot of moms who do take pride in their children and have come to resent my parents for it (my dad is much of the same or worse) You know how some moms brag even when their child does the most trivial thing like get them a glass of water?? If fiance brought his mom a glass of water her response would go something like… ” oh what an amazing son I have, he takes care of his mom so well. I am so lucky to have such a good boy”. My mom would either say nothing or maybe a thank you (probably not even that as she would think its normal behaviour).
Ladies do any of you have this same experience with your mom’s? I am otherwise very close with her and I know she loves me very much, she just doesn’t know how to express it! I think what makes matter worse is that I’m an only child and always thought me and my mom has this close mother/daughter/friend relationship but with a mix of my mom being traditional (from the old country) and her people pleasing attitude, I always manage to come in second!