(Closed) My mom isn’t invited to our wedding…long. And weird.

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

(((HUGS))) times one million.

I think you are absolutely doing the right thing in setting these boundaries and taking care of yourself first and foremost.

If it makes you feel safer, absolutely pursue a restraining order.  Can you afford to hire security for your venue?

Post # 4
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I know she is your mother, but sometimes blood doesn’t matter and this is one of those times. Addiction can make even the most loving people, crazy, selfish, and abusive.  It’s time for you to take a stand. You need to get a restraining order. If she violates it, you have her arrested. Perhaps, this is the only way for her to make a life change. Huge gigantic (((hugs))).  I must say that I have similar style family members(brother) who I allowed to do similar things.  It wasn’t until after I put myself first, realized that by offering money and a home I was actually contributing, and new that I wanted “my” family to not have to experience any part of him, that I was able to heal and move on.

Post # 5
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@MrsDulce: damn. so sorry you got such a rotten mother for a mother.

First off, legal recourse.  I know, it sounds horrible, but she’s being horrible.  Change your number and make it known to anyone who talks to her that if the new one is given to her, no one else will get the next new number.  Period.  

She’s stalking and harrassing you.  Talk to the police.  Get a restraining order in place if possible or find out how best to get legal action in place.  

Make sure your family knows that she is NOT welcome and you do NOT want her invited or anywhere near your wedding.  Hopefully your family will understand.

Have some sort of security at your venue(s) and give them a photo (as recent as possible) with a list of names of guests.  Make sure they know to NOT let her in.

 

I’m soooo soooo sorry you’re going through this!!!  good luck!!!

Post # 6
Member
981 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Wow, I am so sorry you have to be dealing with this. It sounds like she has some serious mental health issues (and maybe substance abuse?) that she is not trying to fix. For the sake of your own sanity and relationships, I think you are doing the right thing. If it comes up, I suggest you make it clear to the rest of your family that she is NOT welcome at the wedding. It sounds very likely that she would cause a scene and ruin it. So sorry 🙁 

Post # 8
Member
994 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Oh God I am sorry. Do you think she’s schizophrenic or has some other mental disorder? Even so though, I know many wont’ take their meds… and you do not need this in your life, mom or not (and I say that as a mother myself). HUGS to you. Wish I had useful advice.

Post # 9
Member
390 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Your mom tops my mom on the crazy scale. But I totally empathize with you on the wishing you ill and telling you what a piece of shit you are part of the post–my mother is eerily similar. I wish you all the luck and happiness in the world.  

Post # 10
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Restraining order for sure.

Post # 11
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Wow! I dont even know where to start. Just put your foot down and dont let her come to the wedding and hopefully no one will tell her where the wedding is taking place so she cant just crash.

Post # 12
Member
5786 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

Ugh, I am so sorry you have been put through this. My mother and I cut off my grandmother (my mom’s mom) almost a year ago. I had such guilt because shes my GRANDMOTHER you know? But in the end its just genetics, she’s a toxic person and you deserve better. One of the bees posted a link about toxic relationships a few months ago and it was really helpful to read (going to look for it now). Do whatever you need to protect yourself.

Post # 14
Member
6025 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

((hugs)) …first im so sorry you are dealing with this type of situation. Especially from someone who is supposed to play such a different role in your life let alone your wedding. What a good guy you have to be so supportive through all of this. And what a strong and good hearted person you are to repeatedly try and see some good in your mother and still care so much for her. I understand that as her daughter you obviously did not want to see your mother on the street or without a place to stay but coming from a household where we have had extended family stay with us, someone with a bad addiction actually, I can say that all it does is enable them to live the life that they do. It was a hard step to take but these family members are no longer in my life. At some point you have to realize that things will not get better nor will they change until she decides to change them. You can love her all you want and do as much as you want but in the end it will mostly be impossible to have her in your life given her circumstances. I think the idea of a restraining order sounds good, just for your own safety.

someone said something to me years ago in regards to dealing with someone who has an addiction and it stuck with me. Someone who has an addiction is incapable of being in a functional relationship (familial or romantic) with anyone because they already have a relationship that they are dedicated to and that is their relationship with that addiction. I may be assuming she has an addiction because you never actually said it but you did mention her being high and the excessive asking for money and lack of stability, the strange people coming to your house while she was there all leads me to believe it is addiction she is dealing with. Please forgive me if I am wrong. I do hope things turn around for both you and your mom. Good luck.

Post # 15
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

@MrsDulce:  I think it would be a really good idea.  It’s bad enough that you have to think about this now, you shouldn’t have to spend your wedding day worried that her toxic behavior will ruin it.

To your point about “family problems” – I would say that keeping you safe is local law enforcement’s job.  It doesn’t matter from whom you need to be protected (mother, brother, uncle, neighbor, etc.) it’s their duty to help.

Post # 16
Member
1306 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Wow, is she on PCP or cocaine or something?

This is awful (HUGS)

The topic ‘My mom isn’t invited to our wedding…long. And weird.’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors