Post # 1
So, today while discussing some things with my mother, she told me she’s not exactly thrilled about me getting married. She’s been supportive so far, but I didn’t know she didn’t like the idea until today. She thinks I settled for my FH… Which is absurd. She also took the time to tell me that he should cut his hair and shave his beard, and that “MIGHT” make him more visually appealing. Then there was the issue of college. She wanted me to be done with my master’s before I got married, and, way back when I was still a freshman in college, I had planned for that too, but we all know things change, and we want to get married next year.
Just when I thought I was done dealing with family issues, this has to come up. She’s still willing to go dress shopping with me, and has still offered her full support, but to tell me that I’ve settled and my FH isn’t all that attractive? Part of me thinks she’s still crazy about my ex fiance (I was engaged at 18, SO glad that didn’t work…). But, my mom really liked my ex, despite the fact that he was never on time, often disappeared, ruined my credit, blew money etc…
I just don’t know what to do Bees. I want to pull my hair out. I had enough on my plate with a nutty FSIL, an irritating bridesmaid and a grandmother telling me how hideous I will look in my wedding dress with my tattoos showing (I only have one on my back, it’s Alice and Wonderland themed… it’s the only one that will be visible during the wedding)… And now this.
How are you all dealing with difficult family members without going nuts?
Post # 3
Funny how weddings bring out the crazy in people. Sometimes we don’t need to hear what people think is the truth. I’m sorry that those words had to come from your mother. Hang in there, you know what you want!
Post # 4
I totally sympathsize, but to just throw in looking at it from your mother’s perspective, do realize that it must be hard to feel that your daughter might be settling and NOT saying anything about it. Not saying that you ARE or that it’s appropriate she feel that way, but I can understand the need to speak up if I were a mother and felt that way about my daughter. And at the very least she’s supportive in the sense she’s NOT acting out in ways that I read about so often on the bee!
Since it IS your mother and you want to find harmony in all this, I might try and schedule more time for you and FI and mom to do stuff together (or things during which you can leave strategically to give FI and mom more one-on-one time) that way, she can get to know him (and love him) better.
Post # 5
I’m still trying to figure out how to deal with family with out going nuts. My FMIL jumped on my last nerves this weekend and my FI is calling her this week to tell her she is no longer invited to our wedding. Weddings always bring out the crazy in everyone and there doesn’t seem to be any way around it. I’m sorry your mother’s words hurt you and I want to think that she didnt mean anything facetious by it. Sometimes moms can’t help but to tell us exactly how they feel but if she still wants to support you and your decision then that’s, to me, a sign that she really does support you. Her opinion about your FI is just that, her opinion. Just try to take for what its worth and enjoy planning the rest of your wedding.
Post # 6
I’m sorry that your mother is feeling that way. It can definitely add some stress to the mix. Maybe you guys just need to talk about it more, understand why she feels that way exactly, and then explain why you may disagree, or how wonderful FI is.
FMIL is driving me a little crazy, being pushy about some things she envisions having in our wedding, and it just totally isn’t us, it’s always hard when they are paying for things too.
I guess even if she may feel that way, or is having trouble getting over your ex, you will have plenty of time to show her why you are not settling, and why this is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with!