Post # 1
My mom is not being supportive. I have talked to her a couple times about this. Tell her how thankful I am everything she does and the money my parents have given for the wedding but that I would like it if she didn’t put down everything I say I like. It creates a ‘cried’ wolf situation… I don’t know when something is a bad idea or when she’s just being difficult. I have been thinking about not involving her in things lately… after telling her that I’m going to go to the florist appointment on my own, she left a ‘why are daughters so mean’ article on the bathroom counter.
I would love to hear about your moms! The good and the bad.
Post # 3
@FutureMrsD2013: My mom wasn’t invovled in my wedding planning. It’s been wonderful that way.
Post # 4
My mom has been awesome! Originally I was worried because I’m younger (23) and thought she wouldn’t like that, but she loves Fi and has been the only one of both our families to really come through for us. She is paying for everything, helping with everything, and just being awesome. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with her. 🙁 We personally had bad situations with other family members, so I get it. It seems like weddings really just bring out the petty side in everyone.
Post # 5
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
My mom has been great. She really wants me to have whatever I want, which in the beginning I misunderstood as disinterest. Turns out, she doesn’t even want her opinion to sway mine.
Post # 6
My mother is very sporadically involved, but our relationship has always been like that. Sometimes she cares, sometimes she doesn’t. I’ve learned over the years not to get my hopes up. I’ve had a few times during the planning process that I forgot that and have gotten my heart broken all over again. I wish I had a mother I could talk to, go to with problems, hell just go get our nails done together without there being some kind of problem. It makes me really sad when I go to her with something wedding related and she shuts me down cold. Like ‘I don’t care go away’ cold. It sucks 🙁
Post # 7
No money, no problems. The wedding planning and paying is all up to FI and I. So while my mom is supportive of my decisions (except my shoes, she’s having a hard time wrapping her head around non-white/ivory shoes), she doesn’t have a lick of say since she’s not spending a dime on it.
Post # 8
- Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016
Sorry you’re having a rough time with her 🙁
My mom has been very supportive and involved. She’s actually my MOH and she’s been very helpful and so far it’s been a great exprience. She’s never negative and she’s always behind me 1000% That’s how both of my parents have always been though.
Post # 9
My mom drug her heels and kept insisting that there was no point in talking about the wedding because it was nearly two years away. So we looked at venues and booked and anytime I’d bring up an idea, she’d shoot it down and say it was silly to plan ahead so far.
Then, suddenly when the date was just shy of the year mark, she suddenly wanted to be involved, discussed ideas reasonably. I think the most frustrating thing was her suddenly suggesting things I’d tried to talk to her about last year and gotten a negative response to.
The time she wasn’t helping was frustrating, but I learned to let it go. Now that she’s helping, I’m grateful, but I’m mentally prepared for if she shuts down again.
Have you tried asking your mom to share her ideas since she’s reacting negatively to yours? Maybe if she told you what she thought you should do, you could possibly include some or come up with a compromise on a couple things to bring her more on board?
Post # 10
My mom is supportive and wants me to have what I want, but she also does not hesitate to tell me if she doesn’t like something. Sometimes she’ll bluntly say it and other times her response to something will be, “…hmm… Thats…nice.” Hah! My parents are paying for almost the entire wedding, but at the end of the day all of the decisions are mine (and FI’s of course 🙂 ).
Post # 11
My mom is VERY opinionated. She is a very blunt NYer though so I pay her no mind and do everything my way (well, 90%).
Post # 12
My mother is very supportive. I bounce my ideas off of her all the time. There are a few she doesn’t like, but then she just rolls her eyes and that’s the end of it. She’s never made me feel like I can’t do something because she dislikes it. The ideas that she loves, she LOVES!
Dress shopping with her was great because she was honest about the dresses, but didn’t make me feel like I needed to pick a dress she loved if I didn’t. I actually ended up not picking her favorite dress, but she still likes my dress.
I should note that my parents are contributing about 10% of our budget, and my mother is paying for a few extras (ceremony sound system, a dessert bar of some sort and my dress/alterations). So, my FI and I are contributing the most financially to our wedding, so we get the most say. Not that either of our parents are “those” parents that need to have what they want at OUR wedding. Thank goodness.
Post # 13
My mom wasn’t involved at all. Our relationship is quite tense.
Post # 14
My mama has a LOT of opinions too. After getting my feelings hurt a few times early on, I finally told her that I didn’t really want her opinions on stuff I’d already decided on (like, for example, the engagement gift I got my FI–why on earth would she think she needed to criticize that?!) but that there was lots of stuff I hadn’t decided on that I DID want her opinion on. Honestly, that helped so much. I just have to remember to preface stuff with either “Seriously, what do you think? I haven’t decided,” or “Please just be nice, because this is definitely what I’m doing,” lol.
Also, she’s a lot happier too, because she feels like I am taking her advice on a lot of things now.
Post # 15
if i were to pick adjectives to describe my mother “critical” would top the list. 23 years of life and 1 of therapy have given me peace with this fact, but it does add an extra special level of hellishness when wedding planning occurs.
Post # 16
Both my mom AND his mom have been so helpful. They ask me constantly what they can do for me and have been so great with idea/errands. His mom especially. Since I’m planning the wedding in Texas and my mom lives in Missouri, she’s been helpful in going to my appointments and such.
Sorry to hear about your mom OP, hopefully she calms down soon!