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Eeep! I hope that it isn't as similar to a wedding dress and it sounds.
Why can't people realize to stay away from that colour and all relations? Man life would be so much easier...
Sorry to hear that!
Shes supposed to email a picture of either something similar in color or go take a picture of the sample dress (she apparently already ordered it.... got it from a bridal store - you would think the bridal lady would TELL HER NOT TO ORDER SOMETHING THAT LOOKS LIKE A BRIDAL GOWN).
im impatiently waiting for my mom's call or email to find out if i should freak out further.
Um.... I would be FREAKING OUT too!
I think all you can do is talk to her and tell her that is not appropriate because it will be too similar to your dress. Or better yet, get your FI to talk to her and explain. Because SERIOUSLY... what is THAT?! Do you get along with your FMIL? It seems SO bizarre to me that someone who you get along with would do this.
All I can suggest is to make it known to her (in one way or another... hopefully on the civilized side of things as opposed to the crazy freakout side haha...) that this is NOT OK and she must find an alternative.
BREATHE! It will work out for you! Your mom seems like a good person to help with this as well... in case you need someone else to deal with it so you don't go crazy on your FMIL.
Best of luck to you! (BREATHE!)
Breathe. Her attire can be changed or maybe you can give her a gift of a dress that you thought she would love and look good in on your wedding day? Maybe you can give her a ribbon or strap in a color to distinguish it from a wedding dress? Maybe you, your FMIL and your mom could go dress shopping and tell her that you wanted them to have similar styles and fabrics?
Hmmmm . . . perhaps a convo between your FI and your mom is necessary.
I would be upset too! If it is what it sounds like, freak out for 10 minutes and then hatch a plan to get FMIL to wear something else. Maybe your mom or FI can convince her that it's too similar to yours/bridal.
im hoping its closer to champagne.... thats too close to white but at least its better than ivory.... *crossing fingers*
@dance: we have a weird relationship. she thinks im "sensitive" because i cry alot around her husband (FFIL) because hes often inappropriate. i'd rather cry than cuss him out so....
Oh gracious! Why are these sales ladies selling our FMILs white/cream/ivory/off white/ bridal color MOG dresses?!
I hope a) she's color blind and b) it doesn't look bridal in real life.
Good call on the corsage. Do you know what type of clothing she usually wears? (personally, I can't imagine my FMIL in a strapless dress...) maybe that would give you some clue? what stores she frequents? give us an update!
@spaganya: Do you think she is clueless or just trying to be a pain in the butt? I think it is better for her to think you are sensitive than an angry, yelling crazy person...even if what your FFIL says is inappropriate and offensive. Here's to hoping the dress is not in fact bridal looking! Since she got the dress from a bridal shop (assuming it is a MOB type gown), you would think it would not look wedding dress-like. Maybe it has some kind of jacket with it...most MOB dresses I have seen that are strapless or thin-strapped have one. Geez....people are so ridiculous (and clueless!) sometimes...
I have to say, when I started looking at MOB dresses, I was startled how many of them are in cream or ivory colors. Needless to say, I am waiting to get my MOG dress until my son and his fiancee come up with guidelines.
I don't get why so many dresses for MOGs are white or ivory or cream. It just doesn't make sense. My FMIL asked me what color I wanted her to wear and I said anything but ivory. I'm crossing m fingers for ya!
@fitzly: shes very small and fit for her age, so she can definately pull off a cute strapless number which is what has me worried. if she looked like a huge old hag, i wouldnt care if she wore stark white because nothing in that size would look that bridal (you know what i mean those suits with a dress underneath? very MOG/MOB-ey).... but since shes so small and petite.... *sigh*
@dance: im hoping for a jacket as well. apparently she told my mom she almost got something purple (WHY DIDNT SHE GET THE PURPLE DRESS!?!?) but went with this instead. its not like shes trying to match her husband either, because then she really would have went with a gold or brown... *head hitting forehead*
im seriously hoping and praying that it looks ok. i probably wont be able to sleep until i know. it would have almost been better not knowing at all and just being surprised the day of!
My mum made the fopar that I cringed about and wore white to my brothers wedding.. Boy when I found out and I wasnt even the bride I freaked. Luckily my sister in law was cool with it. I even told her she shouldnt wear white and her response was.. "the times are so modern these days, who cares.. its a silly old tradition.. not like anyone obeys any tradition these days" and told me not to worry.
So that just happens to be some peoples view point. It affects everyone differantly. My advice is to buy her an amazingly looking colorful hat or jewellry or shawl as a present and tell her you bought it for her to wear on the wedding day.. haha... problem solved :P
@ccranetobe: LOL i like the shawl/pashmina idea..... *hemming and hawwing*
and normally i wouldnt care if it was just a white-ish suit (you know what i mean that are like brocade-y very mom like?) but its a possible ivory strapless dress... which is way way too close to me. shes CUTE. she will look good in it if she wears it. its MY DAY.
so its less about etiquette for me but more about me not wanting to get upstaged on MY DAY. *sigh*
don't freak out until you see the dress...it might not be as light as you think....sorry you are stressing so much...I freaked out too a bit when i realized that my moms dress might be too bridal...I got over it though when I saw our dresses side by side again...her's is much darker than mine and def not too wow to be confused as a wedding dress..have you talked to your FMIL? Did you let her know this is a big concern?
@locket: no im gonna wait until i have a picture to see if i truly need to freak out in public - thank GOD for the bee or i might have called her by now ... freaking out.
just breath and take it easy and remember that no matter what you are the bride and you are going to stand out!! Is your dress very detailed or simple...if it were simple I might be worried, but if it's fancy then forget about it (unless you FMIL got something OTT)
@locket: its very simple - i was going for a simple elegant kinda feel (the site is historic) so even a simple strapless gown can look fairly similar *pout* but youre right. im gonna just breathe for a bit and let it go at least until i get more details...
Spangaya, there will be no doubt that you are the bride. I've seen your beautiful dress, don't worry about her.
You can always take solace in the fact that nearly everyone will go *eyes wide* and talk about the fact that she's in a very bride-y gown. I have been at a few weddings where guests wore white dresses and nearly everyone else was scandalized!
Not to be totally snarky, but if it ends up looking kind of bridal, your guests will probably be as upset as you! ;)
If she does have a white-ish dress on, don't worry about it. People will know that it was *her* that was inappropriate and look down on her, not you
WHY do FMIL's Do this? really?!!! have they no decency or common sense!!!
I was told one reason there are so many MOB dresses are in ivory is apparently they are popular for mature brudes, Don't know if it's true but I was looking at them as possibilities at one time. Ny friend wore champagne to her daughter's wedding but it was a dark champagne color...
Oh thats terrible! I would be freaking out too.. You gotta look at it this way tho.. unfortunately ppl are going to be idiots haha. There is going to be someone that shows up in white, whispers during the ceremony, gets too drunk... this is all stuff that you just have to shrug off. Its your day and believe me you will be gleaming with bridal beauty the day of your wedding. No one will be able to outshine you!! Just enjoy your day and all the other stuff that happens just gives ppl something to talk about later :)
If it really does bother you or if you see it and it really does resemble a wedding dress, ask her to return it. Simple as that. I mean this is a cultural faux pas. I dont think thats out of line at all. She had the gumption to buy it, just have the same.
Months ago, when I asked my then FMIL (who is a size 0/2) what she was wearing, she said beige... then it became a very light beige... And when I saw the fabric, it was ivory!!!!!!!! Even lighter than my reception dress.
I told her to change it.
She insisted she doesn't look good in "dull" champagne.
I insisted even more.
The person who was gonna make her dress (she had it custom made), insisted that she will never be mistaken for a bride and reassured me that I would have the bridal glow.
I never backed down.
She changed the fabric to champagne! :)
hey i just saw this - didnt realize folks had responded since i forgot to subscribe to this one, but yeah it ended up ok - the dress didnt look bridal at all and actually looked more light brown than anything else, was short and chiffony, and had a jacket - she looked stunning actually very NOT bridal!!!! i gotta see if i have any pics of it (we dont have our pro pics back yet) but it turned out ok...
so good news for those who had the same freak out as i did!!! :)
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i have been DYING to know what my FMIL has picked for her dress. DYING. I asked her once and she gave me this vague answer "oh its champagne i think - strapless...."
wth? pictures? real description... ANYTHING....
Finally i couldnt take it anymore. so talking to mom today, i brought it up since my mom hasnt found her dress yet. I asked if she knew what FMIL was wearing.
She offered to call her and ask....
and im freaking out over her answer...
"Oh its a creamy ivory.... strapless..."
MY DRESS IS CREAMY IVORY STRAPLESS....
my mom is asking for a photo or fabric swatch under the roose that she needs to get her corsage to match....
im FREAKING OUT. i swear to all that is holy if her dress looks like a wedding dress i am gonna lose it.
SOMEONE please talk me down from the ledge...
****EDIT - i meant to put this in emotional - but as you can tell im emotional....feel free to move it...****