(Closed) my mom just got engaged :-/

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
3420 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@crosscountry09:  *Hugs* I am sorry about that. It is hard but you will find a way.

If you want to talk to your SO about it, you should be able to. I don’t see a reason why it would effect the proposal. Maybe, once you, yourself become engaged then you could have fun planning together. Let her pick her wedding date first (as per decorum) and do your own thing. She will want to do her own thing too. you aren’t going to have a double wedding and you are seperatly paying for your own weddings so there really SHOULDN’T be any conflicts.

I hope you guys work it out. I know how it can be when your greatest friend can become your greatest advisary.

Post # 5
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I don’t think that you should automatically assume that your passing the news on to your SO will have any impact on his decision to propose to you or the timing of that. They are two unrelated events; even though you’re basically going to be going through the same things your mom is, and you’re in the same family, there’s nothing at all tying the two events together nor is there anything preventing the two from happening at around the same time.

As for your fears that your mother may be too involved in her own planning to help with your wedding, that’s a legitimate concern but is probably not the end of the world, and does have some hidden upsides: first and foremost, you two can share research and information. Even if your two weddings turn out to be radically different in every way, shape and form, you now have two people who will be calling vendors, and that means half as much work for each of you.  Once you are officially engaged, talk to your mom and see which of those redundant tasks you can split up and lighten each other’s loads; even if you end up making totally different decisions on caterers, for example, if she already knows which ones don’t take Visa or which ones have a minimum head count (just examples– could be any thing that is important to you), you can cross them off your list without even calling them.

Also try to keep in mind that many encore brides do not choose to have an elaborate affair and your mom’s wedding may end up being quite a bit more casual than yours— hence a little less to worry about in terms of keeping the “spotlight” all to yourself (which tbh always makes me a little sad to hear, really there is plenty of spotlight to go around and no one needs to make a fuss over getting their fair share).

Post # 6
Member
5065 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2014

Aww that sucks but nothing can take away from the love you and your SO share and when you are engaged it will still be about you two and your celebration of love you share together.

Post # 8
Member
1064 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I wouldn’t like it at all..

Post # 9
Member
1719 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@crosscountry09:  I would just casually bring it up to the SO.  I wouldn’t want to put pressure on him to change his plans. // I would completely be bummed if my mom did something like this, too.  And, I know my mom..it would be all about her. 

Post # 11
Member
2026 posts
Buzzing bee

@crosscountry09:  *hugs* I’m sorry! I know how this feels. My mother and her ex husband were separated for just over a year when BOTH she and her ex-husband got engaged. At this time, my SO and I had been together over 4 years. I was furious! I practically shunned her engagement and for awhile refused to even attend her wedding. It’s not a time period I am proud of, but she and I talked through it, and I talked through my anger with my SO. Most of my anger was directed at the fact that I wasn’t engaged yet, and luckily my mom knew this and was able to help rein in her crazy daughter.

I’m really sorry that you feel this way. I know how upset I was and I really don’t wish that on anyone. ๐Ÿ™

 

Edited to include more information: There’s a bigger backstory to my outburst as it was a culmination of events, but the event of them both getting engaged was what sent me over the edge.

Post # 12
Member
4465 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I just wanted to give you *hugs* My mom has been divorced twice – once from my father and once from the con man she married when I was in high school – and it’s not easy to go through, especially when you don’t think the man she is with treats her with the way she deserves to be treated. I have been through so many men with her that I just don’t feel are the right ones. Thankfully now she is dating a man that gives her the world and treats her like a queen, but I know how difficult this can be!

Post # 13
Member
1659 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

My mom got engaged about three months ago.  It’s kind of weird, but honestly I don’t really acknowledge her engagement.  She and my dad divorced 13 years ago, she’s since remarried and been divorced, and this is actually her fourth engagement in 11 years (she had 3 in 2 before she re-married).  Sometimes it’s annoying when we’re in a social situation because her ring is big and blingy (2ct center stone, 3.5 ct TW; I have a 1ct solitaire) and people rarely congratulate/notice my engagement because her ring is so much more noticeable.

It’s a weird feeling…I know.  Just focus on your life and your relationship, and acknolwedge her as necessary but don’t feel like you need to go out of your way.  I also don’t think it should have any bearing on your own relationship – just keep living your life and working at your own pace.

Post # 14
Member
2026 posts
Buzzing bee

@star_dust:  Are you sure we’re not related? Secret Love child? Long lost sister? My mom’s third husband gives her the world, but her last one was a piece of shiz. Partly why I couldn’t be happy for her right away when she got engaged, I was skeptical for her – and the other part is because I’m a brat.

Post # 15
Member
4465 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

@sleepingbeauty88:  LOL yeah.. my mom has dated many guys since she got divorced when I was 8. Some I really liked and some I really disliked and most I knew I didn’t want living in my house! When she got engaged I remember thinking that I didn’t know what to think. My sister and I went through hell for about 3 years of my high school career until they finally separated in my senior year. Then we went through a second hell when they tried to salvage the relationship during the rest of the year. And then finally, when the summer rolled around, they got divorced and all was right with the world again. I am so thankful that she has met who I hope will be my future stepfather once and for all!

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