Post # 1
So my mom’s first love was this guy, we’ll call him Jack. They had a very intense, happy relationship and everyone thought they were great together. This was in highschool. He broke up with her though, because he said he wasn’t ready to get married/settle down and wanted to experience the world first. She was crushed but moved on eventually.
So my mom married my dad a couple of years later (they’re now divorced, and have been for years.) Jack eventually married someone else too. Last year, Jack got back in touch with my mom. He was going through a divorce of his own. He said he had never stopped thinking about her, was still in love with her, had kept the engagement ring from when they were kids, that now they were going to take their second chance and create a beautiful life together and be together til they die. So they started talking, then visiting each other on weekends, (lived hours apart) and last month my mom finds a dream job in his same city and moves down, they get an apartment together, the works.
When she moves down she notices a change in his demeanor but chalks it up to going from weekend visits to “real life.” Well this week Jack suddenly breaks up with her, moves out, and has turned into a crazy person. Or, more accurately revealed his crazy. He is making all kinds of claims, like that my mom is still in love with her ex-boyfriend (not at all) and completely changing his story, basically denying that he ever thought they were soulmates, telling her she’s crazy, etc. Even his parents are shocked and devastated. It seems like he was just a manipulative, selfish person playing out his little fantasy and didn’t care how it affected my mom at all.
So now my mom is in a brand new city all alone, and of course reeling. I have been talking to her for hours every day and she is starting to realize that he was a manipulative, selfish asshole and doesn’t deserve a minute of her time.
I of course can’t stand that my mom’s life has been ripped apart and she is suffering so much. I also feel really bad for her because my wedding is quite soon and my dad will be there with his girlfriend and she doesn’t even have a date now. I wish I could do more to help her ….
Anyone else help their parent through a break-up?
Post # 3
Awe! Well your mom definitely deserves better than Jack!
Can you encourage her to join a gym, or a class in the gym? That’s always an awesome way to meet new people. Or join a book club maybe?
I think the gym idea is a good one, because not only will she meet new people, but also enhance her figure while she’s at it. Win win situation for all single ladies.
You could also make her an E-Harmony account or something. Not being sarcastic. I met Fiance on the internet and it was the best decision ever! E-Harmony is sooo specific, so she could filter out a lot of nutty men beforehand.
Post # 4
How heartwrenching for your mom.
For now I think just be a support and encourage her to join different groups in her new home, join a gym, any “new to the city” groups/meetups, clubs that fit her hobbies (walking/running groups, cooking, traveling, hiking, book clubs, scrapbooking, whatever!), take some art classes, dance lessons, or amateur photography (great to meet others and get to know new home!).
I think getting to know her new home, building a life there and making some connections will really help.
When she is ready eHarmony is a great idea as mentioned above. That is how my husband and I met as well!
Post # 5
We made her an e-harmony account already, she’s not ready to go on dates yet but I think it’s encouraging just to have prospects. I’m also encouraging her to go out and join clubs and any kind of events she can find, not just to date but to make friends as well.
She does really enjoy fitness, so I’m hoping she can get back to that hobby, her past couple of boyfriends have not been healthy types.
Post # 6
I’m so sorry your mommy is going through this! I’ve watched my mom go through a very hard break up. Its so hard to not cross boundaries and not get all up in her buisness but i HATED seeing her like this.
Just continue being there for her and being an amazing daughter.. she will get through this soon.
Post # 7
I’m so sorry!! My mom got remarried when I was in high school and I was so happy that all here dreams were coming true and in the end.. He was a total con artist! He represented himself as one person and it was like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. 2 1/2 years later they were divorced. I feel so sorry for her that she had to go through that twice and now she’s dating someone that treats her like she’s never been treated before and I’m hoping and praying that she gets her fairy tale for once. I know how it feels to see your mother suffering from asshole men. I was just always there for her listening and keeping her company. I was younger when she went through this, so for me one of the most important things was just trying not to add stress onto her stress. I’m so sorry that your mom is going through this. Hugs to you both.
Post # 8
Oh my god, what a sad situation for your mommy! All the best to her, and you’re being a great daughter for taking care of her!
Post # 9
My mom’s best friend just had almost the exact same thing happen in January. The guy literally moved out after she left for work one day then called to tell her he never loved her their entire 4 year (3 engaged) relationship!
She was convinced that she would never find love ever again and that she’d be alone the rest of her life. -we INSISTED that she wouldn’t because she is just a bright bubbly person (she’s always the one guys come up to at the grocery store, when we’re out to eat, etc).
Well, last night she went on a date with an AWESOME guy. He’s a friend of a friend and they met because his company is contracted at the school she works at. She was reluctant and denied him twice before they actually went out. Now I can totally see them growing old together…
Just encourage her to never give up. She’ll find love when she least expects it. It will be a rough few months, just be there for her and encourage her to keep her head held high and know that SHE is not the crazy one, HE is. His loss.
Post # 10
Ouch. I’m sorry your mom was hurt like that. I wonder if Jack was hit with the reality that reuniting with an old flame doesn’t mean it’s going to be all wonderful and whimsical like it was in high school. When you’re older you have problems, and bills, and baggage. And, boy, does it sound like he’s got a lot of baggage.
Post # 11
That’s an awful situation for your mom! I would suggest possibly she go to therapy. and don’t date for a long time. tell her to date herself first, for a good six months. 🙂
All the best and take care of her 🙂
Post # 12
There’s nothing worse than watching someone you care about hurting and feeling you can’t do anything. I can’t offer advice but I can offer hugs…:)