Post # 1
My mom makes me feel super self conscious about myself when ever I am with her. I even feel uncomfortable about eating infront of her. She has always made comments about my weight. Even growning up in high school, even though I dance at least 18 hours a week was in sports on top of that. My mom also has never really known that in high school I eatting disorder. I didn’t have the best eatting habits because frankly i could eat anything and it didn’t matter. I just burned it off. When I got into college my eatting habits didn’t really change but I was dancing only about 9ish hours. So I gained some weight. Since then my mom would make comments, Some things like , “oh we will go dress shopping when you have gone down a fedw sizes”. I’m not huge, but I am not small. It has alwys been about how I look.. Be it; hair; clothes; or weight- whatever She has done the same with my older sister.
My question to you hive, is what do I do about this. What can I say to her? she doesn’t even know that she does it. i swear. It makes me not even want to go dress shopping. or even clothes shopping. How do I tell her that what she said to me over the years has really affected the way I think about myself.
thanks for reading bees. I try to talk to my FI about this but he just goes into, ” oh honey you are so pretty”.
Post # 3
I would just be blunt with her. Tell her that when she makes comments about how you need to lose weight it hurts your feelings and makes you feel ugly.
I’m sure that you are beautiful no matter what size!
Post # 4
I think the next time she makes a comment like that say something like “You know mom you’ve been making comments like that for awhile now and it actually really offends me and hurts my feelings. I would prefer if you would keep your weight comments to yourself.” Put her in her place gently for once and see what she does.
It might help her realize she is hurting your feelings and cause her to zip her lips. If she keeps saying things after that take her out of the situation. Maybe take her to lunch or something and let her know that it is causing you anxiety to hear her say those things. If she can’t stop making those comments you will no longer be shopping with her because you feel that you look good and you don’t need the negativity.
So sorry she has to say these things to you.
Post # 5
I am sorry your mom makes you feel this way, no mother should ever make their daughter feel that way. that said if you are happy with yourself nothing els should matter and tell her that. i would definitely tell her that she is making you feel bad about yourself, if she doesn’t realize she is doing it maybe that will help. good luck =)
Post # 6
thanks ladies. I know I need to be blunt with her. I have tried. She will listen then go back to her old ways. The sad thing is she did the same thing with my older sister when she was growing up. I don ‘t think she realizes what she has done to both mine and my sisters self images.
I know I have to talk to her again. But it’s nice to hear what hive thinks. Sometimes it’s easier to ask for help on things from people that you don’t know than people you do. 🙂
Post # 7
that is how my mom is but it was always with the grades… i skipped a grade but it was never enough for her… i got A’s and B’s but they could have all been A+’s. I just ignored her after a while, easier said than done though =(
Post # 8
I am so sorry to hear that someone else is going through this. I too have this relationship with my mom i have polycystic ovarian syndrome and so does my aunt my grandmother had it also… But still my mother thinks that i sit around and eat ice cream and pasta until i am going to explode and all these years i have been trying to explain to her that a huge reason i am overweight is from the disease i suffer from. She has also never been overweight so she doesnt realize the damage this does. Everytime i see her she says ” Nicole Hunny next time i see you i want you to be thin not just thin, i want you to be Healthy. If you can do this i will buy you a whole new wardrobe .” like bribing me to get skinny will work or she will try reverse psychology ” Nicole. You need to want it too it cant just be that i want this for you and you dont put any effort towards it… ” sometimes mothers words can hurt the worst. Mine has been telling me i cannot go dress shopping until i lose weight… but i hate to tell her its 9 months before my wedding and i will probably get married the same weight as i am today. Good Luck
Post # 9
My Mother makes me feel that way sometimes when we start talking about the wedding. I just cut her off because I know I am trying. Just change the subject but you really do need to sit down with her and talk about it. That will stress you out more.
Post # 10
Say what MsBrooklynA said. EVERY TIME. I have a mother the same, always comparing me to my siblings and their weight. Comparing us to our cousins “well, X may have gotten better grades than any of my kids, but at least AB is skinny, none of X’s family are skinny”. Really malicious things like that. And if we ever lose any weight it’s like “OMG you’re so beautiful when you’re thin, I never realised”.
You have to put her in her place, again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again…. get my drift? You’re trying to break a habit here and re-train her, once won’t do it.
Post # 11
My mom does it too. Even when I was a size 8 in high school she was like “you really need to lose a few…” Ironically, she’s like 5,2 and 220lbs.
Post # 12
My mom and I go through the same thing…she’s a size 4 on her heavy, bloated days and I’m a 12…so I’m by no means morbidly obese…and she continues to nag me. I just tell her as bluntly as possible, you know mom, I’m sorry the entire world can’t all be as skinny as you. I don’t even think that my mom means to be “mean”, she just nit-picks. We went dress shopping a couple weeks ago, and don’t you know that the samples of course didn’t fit me like a glove, and she was poking and prodding because things weren’t fitting properly, and she was concerned that they wouldn’t fit properly on the wedding day. Well, I’m certainly not wearing a sample gown down the aisle?! And I can’t help it if all the samples weren’t custom fitted for me! Eventually I just tune her out…to make matters worse, my wedding dress is a Mori Lee and they run SO small…it’s a size 18, I didn’t even look up to see the look on her face when I signed on the line to order that size…LOL =)
Post # 13
Go shopping by yourself. Truly. No pressure. Take your time. You’ll find something. Who said you have to take your mother shopping with you?
Post # 14
Send your Mom to the hive, we’ll let her know what she’s doing is completely inappropriate! You know, I think in general people that vocally critize other people are the ones that have low self worth. There is some insecurity in life for them at some point of time or another. I agree with the PP, you should confront her every time and make it short but stearn. Then move on. Almost like the reverse of Parent/Child. You need to be the parent in this situation.
Also, last words of advice… stop listening to your Mom’s nonsense so much and start listening more to your FI… he’s right : ) : ) : )
Post # 15
My mom does the same thing. Funny this is she has done this whether I’m a size 0 or a size 16 and yet she’s like a 24. I have told her over and over that it bothers me when she says stuff, then she’ll get upset and cry saying she didn’t mean to but a couple days later she starts again. So I stopped shopping with her, giving her pictures or spending so much time with her. Now she complains about that but I don’t care because even though she is my mom if she isn’t going to be positive then I don’t need to have her so involved in my life. Instead I surround myself with people who realize that unless it effects my health that my weight is my own business. Those who are supportive in general. I wish I could give you some good advice but sadly I haven’t had much luck myself. It’s hard when someone who is supposed to be there makes you feel so bad.
Post # 16
To be honest, It sounds like some of these moms are projecting their own weight issues onto you guys. The problem isn’t you, it’s them. I know my mother does that to me too, I’m one of 5 girls and i’ve never felt like she loved me as much as my thin sisters. Whenever I lose weight she will go on and on about how proud she is and how i need to keep it up and will tell everyone in our family how i’m losing weight. But when i’ve gained she just gives me this look and isn’t happy with me. I only feel accepted by my family when i’m thinner. It’s a horrible feeling and another reason i’m so in love with my fiance, he loves me just as I am so I relish in that and try not to think of what my family thinks of me. (but yes i’m still trying to lose weight lol I joined weight watchers last week) : )