Post # 1
So I’m getting super, super irritated with my mother! She is SO worried what others are going to think about my wedding! Im lucky enough to have them pay for the entire thing but shes really going over board. We are inviting pretty much our entire church, my parents are not “bible thumpers” but they do view themselves as commited Christians. Which is wonderful! I considar myself the same. Along with the chuch we obviously are having my family there too. My family is mostly people who like to have a good time. Yes throw in quite a few drunks in there too. They all mean well though and every single one of them is a nice person.
First thing: Alchohol, first my parents wanted dry reception because of the price of it and they were so worried how the family would act towards the “church”. Then they opted to have a cash bar. Thats fine with me, but they are still worried about the “drunks”. WHATEVER! Its a wedding! It happens!
Second thing: First dance song, Ok last I knew this was between the BRIDE AND GROOM! My parents asked if we had one picked out yet and we said yes, that we wanted “Cant help falling in love with you” by Elvis. After them making fun of that for a half hour they said. “I think you should do “Christian Love song” by Martina Mcbride. UMMMM NO! But thanks for the humiliation of laughing at me and then throwing a song ive never heard out there!
Third thing: My 21st birthday is the day before my wedding. I wanted to not drink anything on my 21st birthday and wait till the wedding reception to announce during a toast that his is “My first legal drink” me and my Fiance already have a son and I wanted to have him next to me at the time just for added kicks. Nothing personal, just something to get a laugh out of. OMG my mother couldnt even imagine! I quote she called it a “Trailer park trashy thing to do”. UMMM EXCUSE ME?!?!?! And the best part is, we dont come from alot of money. So its not like shes got any reason to be stuck up. Its all about our dang church being there! And honestly most of them I know wouldnt care!
Post # 3
Ugh that sucks! It’s tricky cause they are paying AND they are involving a lot of members of their church community so I can see where your mom is coming from when she thinks everything is going to be a reflection on her. At the same time, though, it’s very unfair of her to call things you want to do trailer park trashy and judge/try to choose your first dance song. I think maybe you need to have a little chat with her and say that you appreciate how much they are doing for you and you understand how she feels about the wedding being a reflection on her but at the end of the day it is your and your FI’s wedding and she needs to respect some of your choices and not pass judgment on them. You could maybe frame it in a way where it’s like sje’s worried about guests passing judgment on her, so why would she pass judgment on you and your Fiance for your choices? That’s kind of hypocritical, no?
Post # 4
Wow, that’s brutal! I would let your mother know that if she’s going to keep demeaning your choices, that you’ll stop sharing them with her. I really like your “first legal drink” idea! It’s cute! So just do it, you don’t need her permission. She’s not going to stop the reception at that point if you do it anyway. And your first dance song is VERY sweet. It’s one of my all time favorite love songs, and I’d be tearing up if I saw a couple dance to it. Just do it. Again, what can she do? As for the alcohol, well at least she accepted the cash bar. The only person who got completely trashed at my wedding was me, and that was because I underestimated the champagne and didn’t really eat anything. LOL. If your mother can’t respect your choices, simply tell her you won’t bother to run them by her anymore. You are right, there are certain choices that she has no input on, even if she is paying for the entire wedding.
Post # 5
Is she upset about you having your son up there since you had him before you were married? That would be the kicker for me. Some things are more important than appearances, and your son is definitely one. I think you need to sit down with your mom and talk about some of these things. Is it an option to NOT invite the whole church (just so she’ll stop stressing)? It doesn’t sound like you’re that close with them all anyway. Just some thoughts.
Post # 6
Talk about a downer! I agree you should talk to your Mom about calming down some. I think the idea of your first legal drink is cute! I’d do it for sure! As for your first dance, that is between you and your Fiance. They shouldn’t have said anything about it, regardless of who is paying for the wedding.