My mom refuses for our baby shower to be co-ed.

posted 3 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 3
716 posts
Busy bee

@moniquaa:  He is already worried that my mom is going to try and parent our baby and exclude him and this is not helping her case!


If you don’t set boundaries now, this will happen.  There’s no reason your husband can’t be there.  It’s not a lingerie or sex toy party lol.  If you want him there and he wants to be there, don’t reward your mother’s sulking.


Actually, even the bridal shower is traditional bride-centric, even though seeing as how she’s getting married to him, the groom is not involved at all.


Post # 4
3237 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I would just tell her that he is invited and that’s that.

Post # 5
2690 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

That is so odd.  dh was at all my showers, but especially involved with the first sitting right next to me as we opened the gifts together.  I cannot imagine it any other way, especially for the 1st baby/pregnancy.

Post # 6
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

*Ring ring*


“Hi, Mom. I’ve been thinking about what you said and I still don’t believe it’s fair to exclude Joe from his child’s baby shower. But, I know how strongly you feel about it, and I appreciate everything you’ve done for the shower so far, but I really want Joe to be there.” (Pause, see how she answers; if in the negative…)

“I understand. But I don’t want to have a shower unless Joe and his friends can be there.”

Then the ball is in her court. Sulking children who don’t get what they want, at least in my experience, usually give in at some point. Let her hold it over your head forever. Her request is absolutely ridiculous.

Find a friend or another relative who can throw you a shower.

Post # 7
3570 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think you can have your DH there without it being a co-ed shower. 

Post # 8
1050 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I agree with previous posters, you need to set boundaries now with your mom. Your baby will have two parents, you and your husband, your mother is not a co-parent and you need to make that clear before the baby gets here. Since he’s already upset about it, she has probably done something to interfere in your marriage in the past. You need to make sure you put a stop to this now, your loyalties are to your husband and his to you, and she needs that spelled out for her.

Further, I would definitely Not be attending any event where my husband was excluded, especially when it’s a celebration of our baby. I would be making it crystal clear to your mother that you will not be attending any shower where the baby’s father is unwelcome. This is a shower for you and your husband, if she can’t control her desire to exclude your husband, you do not attend. If she can’t set aside her own selfishness to throw a shower for you, decline her offer and find someone else to throw you a shower. 

Post # 10
2291 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: Central Park

Have someone else throw the baby shower. You need to set boundaries now, otherwise she’ll always overstep her boundaries.

Post # 11
2102 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@moniquaa:  I’m throwing a co-ed baby shower for my brother and SIL this saturday and I’m crazy excited about the idea (as is everyone else!)


Maybe you should tell her that there wouldn’t be a shower without him in the first place so there shouldn’t be one without him in August… teeheeeheeeee

Post # 12
8677 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

“Hi mom. Joe is going to be at the baby shower. Oh, I understand that you’re upset about that, but this is how our family works. He is just as much entitled to be at his daughter’s baby shower as you or I am. If you don’t like that, I can find someone else to throw the shower.”

Do not apologize.
Do not back down.
Do not seem sad about the potential of her not throwing the shower or the shower not happening at all.

You need to set boundaries with your mother — Mine is very invasive just like your own and I had to be very clear and very specific with her on what she was or was not allowed to know/do with my family.

Post # 13
1996 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@CookieCreamCakes:  this!!!

I get no coed but excluding that dad is ridiculous even if you’re not suppose to be involved in planning. 

Post # 14
42135 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I guess I’ll be the one taking the opposite position. Your Mom is the hostess. She decides the guest list. The hostess does ask for input from you, but the final call is hers.

You may very well have valid concerns about your Mom vis a vis her role in parenting, but that has little or nothing to do with this shower. If she wants to host a traditional shower for women only, it  is her perogative. Your husband come come at the end of the shower, have some refreshments , see the gifts and help take you and the gifts home.

If you don’t want the shower she wants to host, decline-plain and simple. Hope that someone else offers to throw you a shower.


Post # 15
7039 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@moniquaa:  Mom’s the host so mom chooses. If you don’t like it, have the baby shower somewhere else.

Post # 16
6969 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Ehhh..I think if she’s hosting it’s her decision. Perhaps you could convince her to just let your DH come but not have it co-ed.

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