- 6 years ago
- Wedding: June 2012
Sorry this is a bit of a rant. I was engaged about a year ago to someone that my mom adored. She completely approved and was in fact helping me plan the wedding. I was closer with me mom than I had been in years during that time.
Long story short…I found out that my fiance had molested a child and I called off the 7 year relationship. If you want to to read the whole emotional story I think you can find it under “One brokenhearted bee” on my threads. Regardless I am in a much better place now. I went through a lot of therapy and I am as healed as I may ever be from the incident.
My mother has not been supportive of my break up to say the least. She urged me to get back together with my ex even though I told her he had molested a two year old boy. So as you can imagine, she is not happy that I recently got engaged to my longtime friend. We became romantic to both of our surprise shortly after my breakup and I owe a lot of my healing from the support I received from him. He was my rock and I realize that the breakup allowed me to find true love with the guy who was meant for me.
Regardless, I still had all this leftover wedding stuff that I had never gotten to use for my wedding to my ex. I asked my new fiance if he thought it would be a bad idea to use it for our upcoming wedding. He insisted that he was not bothered by using stuff I already had. It is really just candle holders, place settings and decorations but also my dress. We both agreed that just because I picked that stuff out with a different groom in mind, it doesn’t mean that my tastes have changed or that I don’t iike those things any more. I loved that dress the moment I put it on and I can’t imagine having to find a different one just because my ex turned out to be a total creep.
The problem is I was keeping all this stuff at my mom’s place when the breakup occured since we were quite chummy then. It is almost a year since the breakup and I have called my mom at least once a month since then requesting that I can come over and get my wedding things out of her house. Looking back, she would never quite give me an answer about when I could get it from her. Or she would just blow me off saying that she wasn’t going to be home at that time or something. On a few occasions she actually told me to just not worry about it and that I could keep the stuff right where it was at. Finally last month I demanded she let me in and let me get my wedding stuff because whether she liked it or not I was engaged and regardless of whether or not she approved I was getting married and I needed my things. That is when she admitted that she had given all the items to the good will months ago!
WHAT?! When was she planning on mentioning it to me? Luckily the one thing she didn’t have the audacity to toss was my gorgeous Maggie Sottero Milana wedding dress which cost me about a grand after shipping and taxes. Thank goodness for that but still she donated almost $350 worth of decorations I planned to use. She played innocent, claiming that she didn’t think it would matter since I clearly wasn’t getting married anymore when she got rid of it. I am not entirely sure I believe that she got rid of the stuff before my engagement to my new fiance. Upon questioning her I sort of caught her admitting that she may have gotten rid of it more recently as a response to my new engagement that she does not approve of. In any case, I called off my first wedding at age 22….what does she mean I wasn’t going to need it because I was no longer getting married? Did she think I had screwed up my life so bad by not marrying a pedophile that no one would ever take me again and I had sealed my fate as a spinster? I was pissed. I said things that no daughter should say to their mother.
She claimed that the stuff was just in her way and she didn’t want it cluttering her attic any more. That’s all fine, but then call me and I will come and take it as I have been offering to do for months. What kind of mother throws out her daughter’s wedding stuff? I told her that I was coming to get my one remaining item (my dress) immediately. When I got there I was more calm. My screaming at her had turned to tears. I told her exactly how hurt and disappointed I was in her. She insisted that the dress would be safe there if I didn’t have a place for it and I could keep it at her house still. I grabbed it from the closet it was hanging in and and told her as I walked out that she had a lot of trust to earn back and that she wouldn’t be allowed within 50 feet of my dress. I told her that what she did was a deliberate act of sabotage towards my wedding and that she is not invited to the event. She tried to backpedal saying that even though she doesn’t like who I am marrying she still wants to be there. I am sorry but I am paying for this wedding on my own entirely and I would rather die than spend 80 something dollars to feed someone there who doesn’t even support our union.
The last thing she said was “well as usual Lex, all you have done is make me feel like a piece of S**t mother. Is that what you want?”
To which I replied “No mom, I don’t even have to. You should feel like a piece of s**t.”
I told her that I expected money for the items she got rid of and help locating similar products again. I told her that it was her responsibility to replace everything but even if she tracked down all the things again it still wouldn’t be enough to get her invited again at this point. I told her it is her job as my mother to get as excited about this wedding as the last one and that if she wasn’t excited she has to pretend to be excited for me.
I have thought it through and I really cannot see regretting not having her there. She is not the kind of person I want around me on my special day. She is not even the kind of person I want my future children to be around. She is a very proud womam but if she wants to have anything to do with me anymore she will grovel at my feet for forgiveness.