Post # 1
I’m so hurt over this comment bees. My FIs family has taken me in and loves me like I’m their own. His mom and I have been extremely close since FI and I had our first date. His dad, who isn’t the best with expressing emotion, always has a smile on his face when he sees me. FI and I went to a family party last weekend, and multiple relatives of his came up to me and told me how excited they are that in 2 months I’ll officially be a part of the family.
The other day, I was telling my mom how much I love FIs family and how warm & welcoming they are, and how much I love them. She replied with “hmm, that’s nice” and rolled her eyes. ugh. Then I said sarcastically, “yeah, sorry they don’t hate me”, and she replied with “I wish they would”. How horrible! I mean, seriously, what the hell? I thought she would be happy that I have a wonderful FI with a great family. Does she feel that threatened by my relationship with his family? I’ve told her multiple times that she’s my mother and she can never be replaced. I guess misery loves company.
Post # 3
@MrsSweetT: Buh??? Wow, that is such a strange comment 🙁
I’m so sorry you’re going through that. Have you asked her why she said such a thing?
Post # 4
@MrsSweetT: It sounds like she is very jealous of your relationship with them.
Post # 5
It’s so wonderful to have an in law family that likes you. I have that too! I would keep focused on that.
Post # 6
@MrsSweetT: Ah, I’ve noticed that a bit with my mom as well. She’s a little jealous that I get along with FI’s mom and stepmom so well. 🙁 It makes certain conversations awkward but I’m certainly grateful that I’ve ended with these particular FILs!! When my sister got married, her inlaws were horrible and have since disowned my BIL so my mom has never had to deal with my sister spending time with another mother figure or alternating holidays and all that so I think that may be part of the problem this time around.
Post # 7
I think she may feel threatened by the relationship you have with his mom. Do you and your mom have a good relationship? I’m assuming that is probably why she said something like that.
Post # 8
@MrsSweetT: Not everyone gets to have a sweet, loving mother. When my mom says something terrible, I usually respond with an overly sweet tone. In this case, I’d probably respond with, “Aww, I wish they hated you too.”
Post # 9
I sometimes feel closer to MIL than to my mom, and though I’m sure my mother is jealous of or threatened by my relationship with MIL, she has never said anything about it. I went to a wine festival with MIL and asked my mom to join us for some bonding, and she just shrugged and made a comment about how she doesn’t like wine and couldn’t afford to go anyway. Meh, whatever, just let it roll off ya know?
Post # 10
@MrsSweetT: she is probably jealous of your relationship with your FI’s parents. My mom is a awful person but I still love her SO much but I do get along better with my MIL. I think my mom is often upset that she couldn’t have been the person MIL is to me and that is kind of sweet…Your mom is who she is and you can only accept her and remind her that she is loved.
Post # 11
I definitely think she’s threatened by the relationship I have with FIs mom. She lives 2000 miles away, so I dont see her much, but when she came in for the shower last month, she and her cousin spent days baking 10 different types of cookies. She bought us a lot of gifts from our registry (my mom didn’t buy us any). Also his family is just so chill, where my family (especially my mom and brother), will get me all worked up and aggravated over stupid things. We are spending Christmas with my parents and I’m almost dreading it.
Post # 12
@housebee: haha that’s good! I think I’ll use that next time 🙂
@Payless: My parents were never close with their inlaws. Also, my mom has a ton on her plate with working FT, taking care of my grandma, and my dad (he had a stroke back in May), and brother (who has epilepsy). She’s just turned so bitter about everything in the last 2 years. My MIL is just a joy to talk to and be around.
Post # 13
@MrsSweetT: that really just validates my point of letting her know that you love her! 🙂
Post # 14
@MrsSweetT: Aw, I totally feel you though because my mom hates that I like my in laws. She likes them too so I don’t get it, but she’s just jealous I think because we live near them and not near her. I wish she would be a normal mother and just be happy that I am happy and have in laws that i love and that love me back! Oh well.
Post # 15
@MrsSweetT: My Mom made the SAME EXACT COMMENT when I was with my ex!
Later, she clarified it as she felt that I “liked them more than her”, and I “was critial of her, but never of them”, and that I “never wanted to spend time with my (extended) family, but I was always ready to do it for them”
It was about insecurity with our relationship, not about her wishing bad things on me at ALL!