(Closed) My mom says she’ll be our DOC. Opinions?

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee

I think it all depends, on your venue, your guest count, the amount of DIY you’ve got, etc. You will more than likely need *someone* to make sure *stuff* happens – that the flowers are delivered, the cake’s arrived, the centrepieces are in place, etc. Whether your venue has a person who can do that will probably dictate whether you need a DOC. We didn’t have one (not very common in Australia) but I had a few wonderful girlfriends who set up the reception tables, brought the cake, delivered the flowers to the rooms, etc. Other people were in charge of setting up the music, getting after ceremony drinks ready, putting the chair covers on. I had timelines written up, I delegated to the right people and everything went perfectly. I would never have asked my mother to do those things though – I wanted her relaxed and available to help me!

Post # 4
Member
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Where I’m from we always just have a family friend or relative act as the DOC and it is an honor, kinda like being asked to do a reading.  I asked the wife of FI’s GM to be our DOC.  Your mom will be busy helping you get reading and keeping you calm before the ceremony.  Is there a close cousin or aunt or friend that you can ask to help you out. 

Post # 5
Member
3872 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

My DOC did behind the scenes stuff.  Like talk to the caterer if there were any issues.  She actually was the one who was there setting up my centerpieces  and anything else that needed to be done the day of at the reception while I got dressed the day of.  I didn’t want to ask a close friend or relative because I know I would rather have them enjoy the day instead of planning it.  When I was looking for a DOC, someone here on wb suggested getting a friend of a friend or a cousin.  I got a sister of one of my bridesmaids to do it.  She got everyone in line for the introductions so I wasn’t the one running around in my wedding dress trying to get everyone in line.  Also, I like my DOC because she was my bad cop for me.  Not that I needed it but I didn’t want someone taking a picture of me yelling at someone (like the caterer or the dj or anyone else.)  I liked having that person available. Luckily I didn’t have to yell at anyone.

Also, if you are getting pictures of you getting into your dress, will your mom be more worried about what was going on at the reception or the church?  I wouldn’t want my mom to be consumed with that task.  I would want my mom to enjoy the day that her daughter was getting married. 

I mean i think it’s great that she offered but would rather prefer to find someone else.  If you are worried about money, you don’t have to hire a professional DOC.  I didn’t have it in the budget to hire one, which is while I asked my bm’s sister.  I gave her $125 to help out put together my centerpieces and do the little things while I was at the church getting married.  She stayed a few hours into the reception and I offered that she stay and eat but she didn’t want to take up a plated meal.

Well, this is just my opinion, I’m sure there are plenty of brides out there who had their mother be their DOC.

good luck!

I don’t know if this helps but I had a thread about whether or not I should hire a DOC.

Post # 6
Member
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I wouldn’t do this.  I think on the day of your wedding, your mom should be relaxed and joyful, not running around taking care of last-minute tasks, or setting up the reception area, dealing with vendors’ arrivals, etc.  Now, I’m certainly not saying you need to blow your budget on this — if you have a very organized and reliable friend (who ISN’T a BM) that’s willing to do it, that could be a viable option as long as you provide them with detailed lists of what needs to get done/what could go wrong that they’d need to handle.  And then you could get them a nice gift, it would still be way less than hiring a professional.  But I wouldn’t want my mom occupied and working on the day of my wedding, I want her hanging out with me while I get ready.  Just my two cents!

Post # 7
Member
433 posts
Helper bee

If your mom is the party hosting type she will probably have a big hand in making sure everything is going smoothly and set up right, but to put all of the responsibilities of the day on her shoulders is asking a lot. Like the others have suggested I would probably look for a friend or aunt or someone a bit more detached from the whole thing who can keep a level head and an eye on the clock during the set up and pre-ceremony. And if you have a decent DJ and a detailed timeline for him to follow to do the right intros/dances/cake cutting announcement etc. I wouldn’t worry about not having a DOC during the reception.

 

Post # 8
Member
541 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I don’t think your mom will be able to put out fires and be there with you at the same time. If you can not afford to hire a professional coordinator, I would ask a friend who has been INVOLVED with weddings before.  I think your mom should enjoy being mother of the bride.

Post # 9
Member
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think you should try to find someone else.  It’s sweet of your mom to want to do it, but like other ladies have said, there will be so much other stuff for her to be doing as mother of the bride.  I wouldn’t want her to miss all the fun wedding day stuff while she fixes little problems that come up throughout the day.

My DOC was a woman my mom works with who had just gotten married and had her reception at our venue.  I was really glad we had someone at our reception site getting everything finalized while we were still at the ceremony getting married!

Do you think there is a friend of a friend you could find who wouldn’t be offended they weren’t invited but would be able to help you out?

Post # 10
Member
2821 posts
Sugar bee

Bad idea.  Your mom should be completely enjoying the day.  Get a friend to do it on your tiny budget.  Or one of your mom’s friends, even better. 

Post # 11
Member
2066 posts
Buzzing bee

I think you should find someone else or hire a DOC.  My DOC will be at the venue long before the festivities start – managing vendor set up, placing escort cards, putting favors on the table, putting out the table numbers, etc, etc.  She’s also the one making sure we stick to our timeline during the day.  You don’t want your Mom looking at her watch every 2 minutes to make sure you are on schedule.  You don’t want your Mom managing set up at the venue.  You want your Mom with you on your wedding day.

Post # 12
Member
3176 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

My friend basically had her mom be the coordinator. The day of though for set up she asked a close friend not in the bridal party to do things. She was on a super tight budget and this worked out great for her. If you think you can manage w/o one then go for it, especially if you know people who can help.

Post # 13
Member
406 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2009 - Small church ceremony with mountain-view log cabin reception

don’t do it! For both your sake and your mom’s sake, hire or ask someone else to help you. the day of the wedding, your mom will probably want to celebrate with you and enjoy family and friends. If something goes wrong, it would be a bummer if she were stressed and not enjoying the ceremony or reception. Our wedding coordinator had to leave our ceremony early to make sure the reception was all set up, and that’s something I’m sure your mom won’t be able to or want to do. If it’s a budget thing, you can always ask another family member to help you or even a family friend. Good luck:)

Post # 14
Member
3126 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

1. I wouldn’t trust the DJ to do anything but spin records, personally. Ours blew out the power to our venue, and then got fired on the spot by the band manager, and she replaced him. It was actually quite dramatic, but our DOC and the band manager handled it. That leads me to my next point..

2. unless you want your mother tending to other stuff and not staying with you all day, get a different DOC! If something wonky happens YOU don’t want to know about it. And unless your mom is the most calm, cool, and collected woman on the planet, this will not work out. Maybe if she has her OWN assistant, haha.

3. Did i mention that you should have someone else be DOC? Even if it’s a trustworthy aunt or cousin or childhood best friend, if you don’t have the funds. Just not your mom.

Post # 15
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think your mom could help coordinate delieveries prior to your wedding and what not.

Does she know exactly what all needs to be done prior to the service/ceremony? It seems like she would want to enjoy the day rather than “working”.

I think it could work only if you have minimal set up or can do it the day before. Otherwise it seems like it would be stressful to everyone involved. She may not do things the way you expect or would be calling you to ask about things and then you have to deal with them rather than focusing on getting ready, etc.

Post # 16
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I feel like your mom should be able to just relax and enjoy the day. It’s nice of her to offer but I think she’ll regret it on the actual day if you decide to go that route.

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