My mom tricked me into dancing with my dad

posted 3 years ago in Family
  • poll: Should I tell her I'm angry?
    Good idea : (29 votes)
    52 %
    Bad idea : (27 votes)
    48 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1706 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I think, she thought she was doing something good for you, something she thought you’d regret not doing. Don’t get hung up on your attempt to honor her, as obviously she shared that moment all on her own. bringing it up,if her reasonings were from the heart, will only make her feel horrible and will not make you feel better.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1662 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Tell her.

    I would probably rant and rave, but perhaps a gentler conversation would be better. It wasn’t cool of her to put you on the spot like that.

    Post # 5
    Member
    2162 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @lia22:  +1

    She may have thought she was doing you a favor. It’s hard when you are the hurt one and you can’t see past what’s happened; but she is your mother and at one point her and your father were together and they created you, and she may truly believe that she was saving you from regretting dancing with the man that created you. He may be the worst person alive but she gave you the gift of a chance to dance with your father, and any anger or irritation or anything of that sort should not be directed at her. It’s also easier to hate a parent when they are alive, but when they are dead and there is no changing anything ever, there is often regret. I’m not ragging on you because I totally feel you, but I thought I could give you another perspective.

    Post # 6
    Member
    424 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Yikes.  Once you’ve cooled down a little (and I don’t blame you!!), is there a non-threatening, gentle way you can communicate your feelings to your mom?  I mean, you definitely were the bigger person just to invite your dad to your wedding…why on earth was it okay of her to make you go through a surprise dance, too?

    Maybe this was just a one time thing, but if you talk to your mother about how you feel, you might nip future awkward situations in the bud.

    Post # 8
    Member
    2630 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    @likewoah:  Normally, I am a big advocate of communicating about situations like this with the person(s) in the wrong (to you). However, realistically speaking, how often is something like this going to come up again? If she was constantly surprising you by bringing your dad along to functions, then okay talking about it would be productive. As the situation stands, the most salient moral of the story for your mom is to not to force you to dance with him at your next wedding, lol. 

    I can’t even imagine how pissed off you must be and rightfully so. When you calm down, you’ll be able to better judge whether to talk to your mom or not. How about writing a letter but not sending it? That often helps me to deal with pent up anger and resentment. Hell, let it loose here in WB and write out the riot act you’d like to read her in person!

    Post # 10
    Member
    4698 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I would be pissed and I would not stay quiet about it. I’m not sure if it’s the best course of action but I’d not be shy about how angry I was…

    Post # 11
    Member
    809 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2014 - Catal Restaurant

    I know you’re mad but maybe it was a closure thing.  Maybe she needed to see it and thought you needed to feel it. I mean, if she raised you all on her own I would think she would hold something against your dad for it. 

    Maybe as a mom, when you were born she dreamed about your wedding day and she pictured you dancing with your dad and just really needed that moment for herself. IDK. Just a thought.

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