My mom wants both my dad AND my stepdad to walk me down the aisle

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
224 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

She needs to realize this is YOUR wedding, not hers. My sister had her bio dad and my dad both walk her down the aisle and it really hurt my dads feelings. My father completeLu raised her as his own, and her bio dad was horrible to her (won’t go into the story) but definitely contributed to her being depressed/suicidal growing up and is recently back in her life as of a few years ago so he would help her pay for college. I say go with your heart because this is your day, and you don’t want to regret anything 

Post # 4
7630 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

You should choose who you want to walk you. If she continues to badger you about it, let her know that you won’t discuss it anymore. 

Post # 5
1531 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

IMHO, I think you should look at who helped raise you, but just my opinion.  In any event, I hope you are not expecting mom/SD to help pay for wedding.  If you are presently living with them, you might want to think about that too.  Good luck.

Post # 6
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m not able to answer who should walk you down the aisle the same way your mom isn’t able to answer that.

Since you want one person doing the honors and not a double escort the whole way or a hand off midway AND assuming you like your step dad you could always include in him in other ways. When the officiant asks who gives you away have all of your parents stand up and say they do. Or have your step dad lead the blessing before dinner begins. Or allow both your step dad and your dad say a few words in the FOB speech.

Post # 7
541 posts
Busy bee

I totally understand if you aren’t open to compromise, but I just wanted to share what I saw at a wedding that I really liked. Obviously every situation is unique and in this situation her stepdad raised her and her bio dad was not super involved, but I still liked how she handled it. Her bio dad walked her into the room and about a third down the aisle. After that they met her stepdad, shook hands and she finished with him.

Post # 8
330 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Honestly, I think this is one of the very few parts of the wedding that isn’t subject to he who pays gets a say. 

Explain to your mom, calmly, that you only get this moment once, and you love and appreciate your stepdad, but your dad is your dad and nothing in the world changes that.  If she flies off the handle, that’s her problem, not yours.  Tell her you will talk about this one time and one time only, and then walk away if she brings it up again.

Have you talked directly to your stepdad about this? What are his feelings? I feel like a lot of times with this stuff, mom gets more upset than stepdad does because mom doesn’t get to feel very included in the wedding, and having stepdad be included as a dad makes her feel like she “got” a part of the wedding.  Stepdads usually have some level of clarity about this is an honor that belongs typically to the father, not the stepfather, unless bio dad was a turd in a big way.  My stepdad was like that; my mom went nuts, but my stepdad was like yeah I get it, I’m sad but I’m not angry.

Can you find a way to include your mom in your wedding? Would/could she walk you with your dad? We added a unity candle ceremony where the mothers lit each of our candles as part of the ceremony; that made my mom feel like she had a formal place in our wedding.

Post # 9
294 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

Hard to respond.   I was raised by my grandparents and I would love for both my father and grandfather to walk me down the aisle.   

My grandfather has been through most of my life events.   My father has been in the wings for the events of my life.  I honestly don’t know what to say.  

If your step-dad has helped raise  you why don’t you compromise have both men walk you down.  Or have dad walk you down but have your stepdad for father daughter dance?

Post # 10
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I`m having both my step father and bio-dad walk me down the aisle they are both my parents and equally raised me.

Post # 11
534 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@emoticon1234:  You want your dad to walk you.  That’s all you need to say.  Let your mom fly off the handle.  You can’t control how she acts; you can only control your own actions.  You’ve made a choice, to stick to it.

Post # 12
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@emoticon1234:  It’s not her choice, it’s yours. Tell her you’re sorry she’s disappointed, but this is your decision and the subject is closed 

Post # 13
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

My step-dad is a huge part of my life, and has been around since I was five. However, my dad is also a huge part of my life and he’s my dad. 

I had just my dad walk me down the aisle. My step-dad was more than understanding, and if for some reason my dad wasn’t available it would have been my step-dad. It’s a very personal choice and I think you should stand firm if you only want your dad. 

You just have to put your foot down. Make it clear to your mom it’s not a slight, and that you love your step-dad too. Have your step-dad walk your mom down the aisle if you are having parents walk in before the bridal party. 

Post # 14
1793 posts
Buzzing bee

I am a MOB and a SMOB and you need to tell your mother that this is YOUR decision, not hers and close the discussion with her.  Tell her you won’t discuss it anymore and if she does, leave the room or end the call, every time.  She will get the message.

Post # 15
193 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@emoticon1234:  Could you have your dad walk you down the isle, but then do a father daughter dance with both men?  Like they each get half a song or something so your step dad feels included?  I do not think your mother gets a say as to who walks you down the isle.

Post # 16
1878 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Valparaiso, IN

It’s your wedding. So, I’m pretty sure that would be your decision.

Leave a comment

Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors