- 4 years ago
- Wedding: November 2013
So my mom came over for my makeup trial this evening, and while we were waiting she asked me if I had any backups to invite if people declined, to which I replied no. FI and I really want to keep the wedding small and intimate and only want to share it with people we are close to.
When I said no, she said that her co-workers wanted to come, even if only to the ceremony, if people declined the invite. I told her I wasn’t really comfortable with that because we really wanted it to just be people we knew and were close to, but she said “But you have to remember, they’re my work family, and they’ve known you since you were a little girl.” Which is true, I met them when I was younger during Take Your Daughter (now Youth) to Work Day, I think I started going when I was about 6 or 7 and stopped when I was 11. I now work for the agency my mom works for, however in another area. She has been working with these people for at least ten years. She said that she told them that they would at least absolutely be able to come to our ceremony (without asking me!!), there’s no reason they shouldn’t be able to!
I reiterated that we really just wanted people that we were very close to there, and though I have known them a long time, it isn’t like I ever got super close to those co-workers. I saw them one day a year for a few years, and now I occasionally see them in the hallway and say hello. That is not really the small, intimate affair I want. But she looked really hurt and disappointed, and I feel like a jerk. I want to say no and be firm but I want to be nice about it too. But part of me would feel guilty after seeing her face.
I ran it by FI and he contorted his face and was like “What? But we don’t even know them, really.” My mom also invited someone else (without me knowing) who was at my shower this past weekend and apologized profusely for not being able to attend the wedding due to another commitment (I politely said, “I’m sorry you won’t be able to be there” and gave her a hug and called it that). I have also let my mom invite another of her close friends to come along as well.
I like my mom’s co-workers and I don’t want to insult them or hurt my mom’s feelings, but I don’t feel like I’m close enough to those people to let them come. Should I just let them come to the cermony? I am uncomfortable with that because we’re writing our own vows and it’s very intimate and special to me (our officiant is someone who has known me since I was 15 and was very influential in my life). I don’t really like the idea of sharing that kind of moment with people I don’t really know that well. At the same time, it’s important to my mom and she has really tried to be helpful throughout the process. I am also the only kid to get married in my family, so I think she has that kind of emotion. I felt so bad, she looked so disappointed. I think it’s really important to her and she wants to share that with people SHE’S close to…but I’m not and it’s not really about her (I hope that’s not mean to think).
= Ugh. What do I do, bees??