Post # 1
My mom will be paying for a lot of the wedding, so I understand I need to be grateful and happy she’s helping out and give her a say.
The only thing is, she is trying to control certain aspects of the planning and I don’t feel like it should only be what she wants, especially because me, my fiance, and his family are all going to help with the budget as well.
Anyone else have a similar experience?
Post # 3
@LovinChrist18: Can you pay for the wedding yourself by chance? Maybe take a loan from the bank?
You are going to encourter a lot of Bees who will say since Mom pays she gets a say. I do not agree at all. She needs to respect your wishes on everything as this is day belongs to you and your FI, not your mother.
Have you spoken to her and given her your ideas? Have you let her know that your taking over the wedding is hurting your feelings?
I hate to say it, but the best remedy for pushy mothers is to pay for the wedding on your own
Post # 4
@LuvMySailor: I can’t pay for the whole thing, no. :/ Me and my fiance want a simple, VERY small wedding, so our budget isn’t really that high. We’re both extremely young (which I know, I know, consider what I’m doing and think it through) and it’s not that we don’t have money, but it will be hard for us to pay for the entire thing.
We’re still in the early processes of planning, but she doesn’t like a lot of what I had in mind. My sister is getting married either this summer or next summer, and I feel like she is willing to do anything for her and not much for me. My sister is the opposite of me-huge summer wedding, and I want a small winter wedding (which is off-season).
I guess it’s not too bad yet, but so far, she’s against nearly everything we’ve brought up. I feel like it might get worse from here.
Post # 5
If mom is paying for more than 50% of the wedding, than she gets the majority control. I’m sorry, but that’s the disadvantage of having parents pay.
I would sit down with her, show her what you are thinking of, and ask her to make suggestions. Go through every detail. Voice your concerns. But most of all, express how grateful you are at all points. This could be a drama pit if you’re not careful.
Post # 6
@LovinChrist18: I would have a talk for your mom and voice your concerns. Tell her you feel like she is favoring your sister’s wedidng over yours! She might not know what she is doing. That being said, make a list of everything you want for your wedding.
It is possible to do it it. Check for payment plans at vendors or check for Bed and Breakfasts. I know the ones here will host a wedding for 30 people or less. Also, I used silk flowers and made all the bouquets for our wedding.
The bottom line is your wedding is the most important day of your life. You and your FI have the most emotional investement in it. If someone else takes it over, you will regret it. My friend let her mother take over her wedding and seven years later she is still miffed about it. DON’T BE HER.
Post # 7
My mother and I had a huge discussion about this the other day. I’m very lucky and my parents are paying for the wedding. So mom does get a say but its still yours and your FI’s wedding. Maybe talk it out with her get everything out in the open.
Post # 8
maybe because i dont like to put strings to money gifts but im not a believer that the person paying for the wedding gets to be in control.
yes they should be given allowances that includes a say on the guest list and some of the touches (example a DJ instead of a lady ga ga impersonator) but someone else shouldnt have “control” because what if she wanted you to wear something hideous or feed your guest horrible food while hosting an event at chucky cheese – a line has to be drawn somewhere
i think you are both adults and you should talk to her, explain your vision and that you hope she supports you and try to find a compromise from there. goodluck
Post # 9
Thank you all! I truly appreciate her taking part-I couldn’t do it without her. She isn’t horrible about getting her way, but she’s objecting to some of the most important parts of the wedding, and those I definitely believe are my say.