(Closed) My mom won't discuss my wedding

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3206 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. That was one of the initial reasons I joined the Bee. The ladies here are so supportive and stood in the gap when I felt I couldn’t talk with my family about our big news. HUGS!!

Post # 4
Member
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Don’t talk to her about it. Plan your wedding. You know where you want to get married, you know what you want it to look like. Go start making your vision a reality. You’re a big girl about to get married. If she doesn’t want to pay for it, she doesn’t have to. You and your FI go make your day the best day you can afford. At the point where you’ve decided it’s time to get married is the exact moment your parents feelings shouldn’t matter this much.

Post # 5
Member
4687 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

First of all.. I’m sorry! People react very differently to weddings and engagement. It sounds like maybe Mom is sad her litle girl is growing up? Maybe she had hopes you’d get married locally? Go out to lunch or go shopping and ask her.You do need to start making decisions and it’s only fair she’s forthcoming about what’s going on.

You could also marry quietly and have a big party when you’re back? Sounds like that’s what she wants…

By the way…$2000 all inclusive wedding sounds amazing!!! Dang, that’s less than my photographer. It’s probably not the price she’s upset about. Something else is going on.

Post # 6
Member
732 posts
Busy bee

I’m so sorry this is happening to you, and I can relate! I was engaged in October 2011 and my mom didn’t know how to handle it at first, partially because I was young (22) when I got engaged. She has had over a year to warm up to it and it definitely took her (almost) that long… Now that we have set a date and the wedding is less than a year away she is finally opening up to talking about it and looking up ideas.

The point – Just give her some time. Don’t talk about it for a while until you have really started to make headway with your wedding. Maybe she will come around then!

Post # 7
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

@dmk90716:  All this. It sounds like you know what both you and your mom want, you just feel bad because those two things are different. Go ahead and do what you wantand don’t talk to her about it OR bend to her will all have the wedding in state. IMO, it’s much better to do what you want, but that’s a choice you have to make for yourself. 

Post # 9
Member
1562 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I’m sorry she doesn’t seem excited for you.  One question though – is she paying for the wedding, or are you?  The price you quoted, not including transportation, is fairly inexpensive, which is great.  But are you paying it?  If not, it might be an issue of money for her?  Just a thought…..

Post # 10
Member
3092 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Overjoyed:  Yeah same.  I doubt I’d be on the bee as much if I had a mom to talk to about this stuff. 

 

Post # 11
Member
4606 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I’m sorry that you are going through this. My mom was not happy about my engagement either and for the longest time she completely avoided the subject all together. I’ve been engaged for two years now and only within the last few months has my mother gotten involved in anything wedding related. 

Like lealorali said, people react differently to engagements, and all the reasons she listed are all things to consider. 

The Bee is wonderful and is full of ladies who will give you advice and support. Honestly, this was the ONLY place I recieved any support of any kind for most of my engagement. 

I wish you the best of luck and I hope that your mother comes around soon. 

Post # 12
Member
7796 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999
Post # 14
Member
7796 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Obviously I can’t read your mother’s mind, but I’m wondering is she’s concerned that it will look bad because it is expensive for the guests? Every guest would need to spend several hundred dollars and probably take a day or two off work as well.

I do tend to agree with her that you can probably find something similar closer to home which is easier for the guests, if that is her concern. And you can have the same size guest list closer to home. Anyway, perhaps ask her if that is the issue.

Post # 15
Member
862 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Is it possible that certain important guests will not be able to make it if you have the destination wedding?  A destination wedding was just not an option for me because I just got married in September and my 88 year old grandmother refuses to travel anymore this late in her life.  If I didn’t get married here, she would not have come.  However, we had about 140 people at our wedding (out of over 200 who were invited), but if we had a destination wedding, the majority of those people definitely would not have come either due to finances, getting the time off of work, family obligations, etc.  Does your mother have a big family and/or lots of friends?  Parents (especially the mother-of-the-bride) get into this mindset where they tend to think that their children’s weddings are all about THEM and what THEY want rather than about the bride and groom and the couple’s wishes.  Perhaps your mother is upset that she doesn’t get to have the big celebration of HER dreams, but it’s YOUR dreams that are important here!  Do what YOU want.  If your mother doesn’t want to pay for any of it because it’s not what she wants, that’s unfortunate but it’s her prerogative–don’t let yourself be controlled by it.  Be prepared to pay for it all if you must, but have it the way YOU want it!

Post # 16
Member
11234 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

If she’s not paying for it (or you’re not planning on her paying for it), just plan your wedding without her. 

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