(Closed) My Mother & her new boyfriend…

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
5423 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2012

This is tricky.  My mother has a bf ( though they have been together several years).  I worked it into the conversation that he could get a tux if he chose to but I thought he’d prefer to save the money and just wear a suit he already has.  I expect to get a picture of the 3 of us for her but by no means a whole family photo.  


I don’t think your being selfish.  I think its more the shock of her mentioning something like that as if he is her next husband.  I wouldn’t get him a flower.  If he wants to waste money on a tux let him because your sure as hell not buying it for him.  And I sure wouldn’t put him a family shot but if your mother wants a photo of the 3 of you (or with siblings if you have any) I see no issue with that.  I don’t think throwing him in the same lineup as your father is appropiate especially since he hasn’t been around a while.  You may hurt your mother’s feelings but at the end of the day, he’s her plus 1, not her husband, not another father figure, etc..

Post # 4
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@kimmyray: :-/ I have no advice. I don’t know what I would do. My father passed away about 10 years ago. If my mother started to date someone new, I don’t think I would get them a flower. The people with flowers or whatever else a bride chooses to mark them are for family members that are important to you. I could see if he was your stepdad and had been there for years, but he’s a boyfriend that you’ve only met a couple of times. He may not be around next year. I would sit down with your mother and figure something out.

Post # 5
7 posts

You’re definitely not being selfish. I also don’t think it’s necessary to provide C with a flower either. Your mother has developed a relationship with C, not you, at least not a very close relationship yet. If C and your mom were husband and wife rather than just ‘friends,’ you would have had much more time to have developed a closer realtionship with him as your new stepdad, and that would make all the difference in the world.  Not knowing just how close their relationship is, it would be very difficult were it me to include him in the more intimate aspects of my wedding (e.g., pictures, and other activities normally involving family).  If he is allowed to be in the pictures and some time down the road their relationship doesn’t work out, you have pictures of your wedding with him included and he is no longer around.  I wouldn’t be able to help but have a bit of an empty feeling every time I looked at the pictures after that, the ones with him in them.

Post # 6
14344 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think if he wants to get a tux and a flower, then its not a big deal and to just go along with it.  As for pictures, sure, if your mom wants one with him in it, I think that’s fine too if your mom wants to have him in it and if it works out in the future, I’ll be nice for him to be in it.  But for myself, I’d be sure to get those same pics with out him in it also. 

Post # 7
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

My mother has a new boyfriend fairly often (like every other year or sooner lol)  she’s just not finding “the one”.  I’m not going to stop her from doing whatever it is she wants to do but I am not going to have the newest boyfriend in my wedding pictures and he’s wouldn’t be getting a flower.  I agree if it was a step dad that has been in your life for years than that would be different.  So personally I would nicely let your mother know that he’s not part of the wedding party and he is as the other posters say her +1.

Post # 8
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

You should just be honest with your mom and ask what her expectations are and why she thinks he needs a tux and boutonniere. Then set her straight and tell her how you feel and that he isnt in the wedding party. Ofcourse he can be in some of the photos but only the ones you choose

Post # 9
1489 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@kimmyray: Thats a catch 22 in some way. For me , My Future Mother-In-Law has a boyfriend (of 2 years) and since my Fiance has no contact with his father and little to no contact with his grandfather, I thought it would be a nice gesture to have a flower for him.



Post # 10
300 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013 - Colonial Country Club, Ft. Myers, FL

My mom passed away 8 years ago. My dad re-married about 3 years ago, but it fell apart. Now he has a live-in girlfriend. She’s not getting a corsage. I don’t want her in the pictures either. Come to think of it, I really don’t even want her at the wedding….decisions decisions

Post # 11
7420 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

In this instance I do think its selfish at all. Try to speak to you mom about it rationally. But be prepared for some resistance to standyour ground.

Post # 12
189 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

It’s time to sit down with mom and have a heart to heart.  Perhaps C is much more important to her, and more a part of your family, than you were thinking.  Or perhaps mom doesn’t want it to be obvious to one and all that she doesn’t have a significant other.  It may come down to she just feels too conspicous in a formal gown with a corsage if her escort is dressed causually.  A tux and a flower are sometimes just a tux and a flower. 

Post # 13
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

DH’s parents are divorced. His father is remarried and his mother was dating a guy for 4 years.  We got his StepMom flowers but not the bf. I figured I would acknowledge the marriage only.

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