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As I brose the bee, I get an email JUST NOW from dear ol mom.
The e ring my FI propsed to me with, my grandmother's ring, was going back to her so she could take it to the origonal jewler grandma bought it from all those years ago to resize it. They're still in bussness after 144 years!!
And my mother gave it to my cousin.
I'm beyond livid right now. I guess that my grandmother has promised it to her, and neglected to tell my mother, me, or anyone else. My cousin found out and threw a fit and my mom just...sent it to her!
My grandmother gave it to my mom, and she gave it to FI. I think she should have ASKED FIRST. AND IT"S BEEN 5 MONTHS!!! No one could have sent something?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
My grandmother is old and sick, and I don't want to blame her. I also don't want to blame my cousin, as she does love my grandmother and is the oldest of us grandchildren. I just don't know what to think...do...anything.
How do I tell FI?
Wow.... that is terrible. So your Grandmother "gave" it to your Mom but had "promised" it to your older cousin??? Just curious ... if your FI already proposed with it, why wasn't it on your finger?
@blingybride: I think she said her mom was taking it to get resized.
@Luckygal5571: Ok I would be pretty unhappy. To have that be your engagement ring and have it for 5 months and then have your mom send it to your cousin without you knowing? Maybe you can call your cousin and explain what happened? I know if someone had gotten engaged and had the ring for 5 months I wouldn't be like well it was promised to me, too bad for you. I can't believe your mom did that without talking to you!
@blingybride: I wanted to get it resized by the Jewler that she bought it from. I don't live in Washington, so I set it to mom for her to take for me. I guess Grandma promised it to my cousin to use when her and her FI get married. They've been together for a while (8 years, engaged for 4) and don't have a set date. When my grandmother heard from my mother that she gave FI her ring, I'm not sure why she didn't say anything. I also have no idea how they were planning getting the ring form my mother, who is equally upset. Now neither of us have rings and both of us are heartbroken.
I don't know if I can blame my cousin either-if I was promised something very sentiemental and then saw it given away to someone else, I'd be a bit mad too.
Ths sucks.
Ouch! My heart hurts for you my friend. I would try talking to your cousin and ask if you couldn't please wear it until you and FI can afford a new one. The ring no matter how sentimental isn't work the rift it will cause in your family. But this does bite big time.
@secondchances: exactly. I'm more hurt for my mom. She's worn that ring for 30 years! She mailed it to her witha kind of "here then, take it" kind of additude. I think my dad was planning on buying her a new ring soon, but I don't know. I don't want to fight for a ring, but it hurts.
I guess I read it wrong, thanks for clarification. Again, so sorry for both of you.
Gosh! That sounds absolutely awful! Has your grandma made any kind of apology for her behaviour? Your cousin must be pretty heartless to be happy taking your engagement ring!
@SpecialSundae: I just found out like...20 minutes ago. I'm trying to call my mom but she's not picking up.
This is a mess.
That is... insane. I'm sorry, but HOW did you end up with the ring if it was meant for someone else??? Especially when your cousin has been engaged for YEARS longer than you have??? If your cousin wanted it, she should've brought it up WHEN SHE GOT ENGAGED, not after the ring was given to someone else. I'm sure your fiance will understand at least your side of this... But good grief!
ETA: That was your mom's ring for 30 years? Then it's your mom's ring!!! NOT your cousin's. When your grandma gave your mom the ring, she gave up the right to pass it on to people.
Just read your update... so YOUR mother has worn it as HER wedding ring?????? This is complex and I understand why your Mom would assume it was HERS to do whatever she wanted.
Grandmother gave ring to mom, mom gave to me, grandmother apperently feels that it is "her ring to give" and promised it to cousin. Mother mails away ring, most likely becasue of feelings of hurt at my grandmother and cousin.
My mom had the ring to get it sized at the jewler it was purchased from all those years ago, which is in another state.
Me- left ringless
wow! what an experience. I would recommend your mom buy a ring herself, then "pass it on to you", so you still get a ring from her (if that's important to you). you don't want a ring from grandma anyway, if she's going to go promising it to other people and always feel 'ownership' over it. :\ geez.
Holy cow. I would FLIP OUT. Honestly, I am not much of a help and I am sorry for that, but I would be freaking out on that cousin right now!
Oh, I am so sorry. I know that when my mom passed on, she had a list of things that each of us were supposed to receive, and some smaller slips of paper with names and things listed, and there were a few discrepancies, (she had forgotten and listed a couple of things twice) so sorry this happened. But since your mom had worn it for so long I feel like it really belonged to her. But she probably didn't want to make things bad between family-so just gave it up. But that is definitely so sad for her and you. :(
Holy Snap that's super crazy and I feel so bad for you. Have you talked to FH yet? What does he think?
Omg! If your grandmother gave your mom that ring, it is your mom's ring!! Especially after 30 years! How could your cousin take it away from her? Wow...I'm so sorry OP :(
Wow!! I would be livid if my mother did that without consulting you first. It was offically your ring at that point.
If it was prior to that your grandmothers & she knew you had it, while obviously it went were she ultimately wanted it to go.
& the cousin!!! How selfish!!! It's just a ring which now has way more significance to you than her! Seriously she should have brought it up in a loving way.. It is family & maybe see if she could be left something else. I am horrified she took your engagement ring when you used unknowing she was to have, now we assuming this is the ring she thinks she was supposed to get right??? Did grandma verify that??
Seriously, family heirlooms are giving as memory out if love. Not so sure she seems entitled to anything now. If your grandmother knew the nonsense going on right now I am sure this would upset her dearly!!
Good luck with it!! Your FI loves you & I am sure only cares that he gets a lifetime of you!! Everything else will work itself out!! : )
Wow, this is awful! If your grandma gave it to your mom to use as her wedding ring and she has had it for decades, it is your mom's property. I understand why your mom mailed it away (she was probably so upset over the whole situation that she did it out of anger and hurt), but she really shouldn't have. Your cousin is being unreasonable, and your grandma even more so. I'm so sorry this happened!
This sucks! Really, really sucks! Really, really, REALLY SUCKS! I think you are taking the whole situation in a very graceful manner though. If it was me I think I would get sick everytime I saw or thought of my cousin! Did she have a ring if they have been engaged after 4 years...? Do you know if they were counting on getting the ring? Why did she not say anything before? Did she not know? I think the worst part is that you got attached to it, then it was 'snatched' away!
@mckernae: +1
Seriously. This was your MOTHER'S ring. If your grandma gave it to her to wear as her ring-- it is hers. I don't understand giving it to your mom then promising it to your cousin, that makes no sense. And why would your cousin EVER think it was reasonable to inherit a ring that her AUNT had worn for decades when she had a daughter of her own. Crazy.
I'm sure your mom did only what she tought was best for everyone. Your mom probably knows how understanind you -obviously- are and knew that it would hurt, but this is something you can share with your mother... if it was me, i would allow the cousin to have the ring and go out with my mother to find the perfect ring for you...I know the charm of an antique ring- mine was made in the 50's- and many jewelers have a safe where they keep disguarded and vintage pieces. shop around and ask..maybe even share your story and see what people will do for the bride with a big heart :) good luck sweetie
Im so sorry, but if its any consolation it will be known as your engagement ring :) what does seem strange is that is still your mothers ring, what if your mom still wants it? If it became your moms ring then your grandma couldnt promise it, your mom would be the one promising it...
Yikes this is crazy! I completely agree with the pp that said you are better off without it and all the drama that would likely come in the future as your family members would continue to claim title to it even if it was on your finger. Shame on your grandmother for giving one ring to 2 different people, shame on your cousin for ever thinking its ok to take a ring her aunt was given, and shame on your mother for telling you she was sending your ring to be sized and then giving it to your cousin rather than standing her/your ground... This must be some ring :)
@Luckygal5571: why the heck wasn't she wearing the ring 4 years ago!?!?! If it was her ring she would have been wearing it.
That makes no sense! Call your grandmother!
This is insane... your cousin seems jealous because you are recently engaged and will probably be married by the time she sets a date... ha
That's insane! If it were me, I don't care how old my grandmother is, she has no right to act like that! I would also tell my cousin that it's tough biscuts because if dear old gradma wanted the ring to go to her, it would have gone to her mother and not mine.
Maybe that's just me... 
Wow that is crazy! I am so sorry this happened. Why would your gma not tell anyone of this promise could your cousin be making that up bc she is jealous?
I would be extremely pissed at cousin, and grandmother! She already gave it to your mom, if she didn't want her to have it, or pass it on, then she should have never given it to her. You don't promise a ring to someone when you give it someone else. And cousin, man would I be livid! If i was promised a ring, and it was given to the daughter of the lady who had it, I wouldn't ask for it. You have every right to be pissed!
@callirome: I agree with you!
That's insane, I'm soooo sorry for you, your mom, and your FH to be in this situation! I would be very hurt and angry aswell. I agree with PPs, this was not your grandmas ring to give to someone else. I mean, it was given to your mom, and very gracious of her given to your FH, to be YOUR ring. If your grandma would've wanted your cousin to have it, she should've given it to your aunt!
I completely have no clue on how your cousin could even claim this ring. I think it's incredibly rude of her, especially since she's not even newly engaged. Did she just wait 'til your mom would give up the ring, or does she have another one? It looks like it was never brought up before that she was supposed to get it. I would freak out on her and get that dammit ring back. I wouldn't let anyone else wear my moms ring.
How is your FH handling the situation? I'd be furious and embaressed (not rightfully so, but I'm sure he feels kind of bad about it). Try to make sure that he's ok and none of the drama is his fault :)
@Rosie Girl: Oh yea, I don't walk on eggshells and I don't care if my family doesn't like me, this kind of behavior is unacceptable. That ring was the one her fiance chose to give to her as a symbol of his love and commitment. Tarnishing that is just deplorable.
Jesus Christ. After 30 years on your mom's finger it wasn't your grandmother's to give anymore. Also, if it was already your engagement ring for five months and your cousin just wants it as an extra ring and not her engagement or wedding ring (assuming she has one of her own) , she's being selfish. When was she planning on asking your mom for it? It seems like she forgot about it, heard you have it, and now suddenly wants it again. You poor thing. And your poor fiancé who thought this ring business was behind him.
Oh my gosh! I would be distraught if I were in your situation. I don't know what I would do if someone took my engagment ring away from me after five months, and I do think it was YOUR ring, because you were proposed to with it, and you had it for months. I don't know how your cousin with a clear conscience can wear your ring and be okay with it!! Everytime I saw her with that ring on her finger at every family function or whatever would just make me so upset! Oh my...I really hope you get this straightened out and keep up posted. Good luck!
Wow I echo other bees.. if your grandma gave it to your mom, it was your mom's ring! Not on loan to your mom! How ridiculous! I'm so sorry.. why didn't your cousin want it sooner if she's been engaged so long?
Ugh.. I'd be angry as your cousin and grandma.. if your grandma gave it to your mom she needs to let go.. and your cousin should understand your mom's ring would mean a lot to you....
wow. Just wow. I'm so so sorry.
Wow!! Crazy awful (and slightly confusing) situation! I don't have much to say, but I'm impatiently waiting to hear what happens next!!
Wow, this souunds like yor cousin is hating on you big time. This story sound fishy, why would your GMA give this ring to your mother and not your aunt. Does, your cousin have her own ring, why did she wait so long to ask for it...I got it because your FI proposed to you with it and she probably was ringless or just mad she didn't have anything passed on to her. Seriously, I would embrass her at every family function...Saying how does she like YOUR engagment ring...I don't care it is yours and you were proposed with that ring not your cousin. Your cousin is sick to want to wear a ring that somebody else was proposed to with, and family at that..Just sickening.
Wow, wish the mom would have not mailed it. I know grandma and cousin would be mad, but sometimes you have to put your feeling first. Especially given the history of the ring for the last 30 years. Hope you guys work this out!
Would your mom ask to get it back from cousin? This is crazy, I would be so mad!! It's your mom's ring, she's had it for 30 years! It's not your grandma's to give anymore.
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