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Your mom sounds EXACTLY like my FMIL! Lol - we went from planning a 125 person or so wedding, to having her say, "I'd rather pay some and have my friends there!"
I'm sorry, I know it's a pain! I can commiserate.
I think my FFIL explained it a bit more succinctly - he said, "we're proud of you two, and would love our friends to be able to see your wedding."
Soooo... we caved. Some days I wish we hadn't, though. Good luck, and keep us updated!
Um, don't send them an invitation. Done.
Obviously arguing with your mother isn't getting you anywhere. But be happy! She's happy you're getting married and wants to show you off to all her friends! This is a good thing! (If totally frustrating and inappropriate :-))
Wait a minute! You and your partner are paying for everything, and your mother DOUBLED your guest list?! Um, no. My fiance and I are funding our whole extravaganza, and his mother got to *suggest* a few invites, but not actually invite anyone. (My parents are deceased, but if they were alive, they wouldn't get to invite a bunch of people, either!) Your mother either needs to uninvite these people or pony up the money for them. While it's great that she's trying to be supportive, she needs to realize that there's good attention and bad attention.
I talked to my mother today. As nice as can be and she won't relent. She is now insisting that I just don't understand how a "proper" wedding should be, because of my ADHD. How rediculous is that???!!! By the way, she's invited her friends and co-workers in person and doesn't want to waste any invitations. According to her, "It's all been taken care of, not to worry." Now she tells me that she's asked my cousin, whom is my 3rd cousin and someone I don't get along with to be my maid of honor. She says that, "She looks more wedding pretty than my best friend." My cousin agreed to do this, which surprised me. I must be getting a little rusty in the premonition department, because I never invisioned this. Yes, wether you believe in this kinda thing or not, I do have premonitions.
Oh, goodness. That is so, so unfair on you!
Can you have a quiet chat with your cousin, say that you're really sorry but that your mother seems to have got a bit ahead of herself and that you already have a MOH?
Then I'd think about stopping being nice to your mother about this, it doesn't seem to be getting you anywhere. I'd tell her that she can invite all the people she wants, but those people aren't going to have anywhere to sit or anything to eat because they're not in your budget and not on your guest list.
Then throw a few wedding magazines featuring more intimate weddings at her. If Martha says it's ok...
I'd tell her to step off or me and my partner would be hopping a plane to Vegas and she'd get to have a daughter who eloped and left her at home rather than a daughter who is having a wedding with not enough people.
Unacceptable. Me and my DF are having a small wedding as well, around 80, and we are fighting with my mother about it too. I feel your pain.
omg, i seriously would be pissed! other people are already giving you advise that i cant beat but i really hope you get the wedding you want - your mother is out of control so wishign you the best!
I want to know what kind of person considers a verbal invite from the MOTHER to be an actual wedding invitation? That sounds just as odd to me! I have no advice unfortunately because this boggles my mind, particularly on your mother's part but also for these so-called guests. Do you need a security guard to ask to see invitations at the door or would that be mean :)
PS I think I would elope.
She needs to understand that her "proper" wedding isn't yours. I am managing in my family to set the rather cold distinction that influence must be bought - if she wants changes, she must pay for them herself. That's only because I know my family won't do it. Blaming your ADHD for poor decision-making is sickening.
And you cousin "looks" more wedding party? Talk to your cousin directly, definitely. If your cousin was already invited, you can tell her how much you want her to be there, but that you already chose your maid of honor.
Zippilef is right, it's time to threaten mom with elopment!
whoa! so i was reading this fully prepared to be like, well, if your mom is paying.... BUT YOU'RE PAYING FOR IT?!?! No way. Shut it down. If she's not paying, you invite exactly and only exactly who you want there! I know she's proud, but SHEESH!
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My mother is driving me nuts with all of her "inviting"! My partner and I have chosen to have a small wedding. Just 50 people (that includes our maid of honors, mothers, grandparents). Well, my mother calls me up daily to let me know that she's invited people of her own to the wedding. Ceremony and reception. I've explained to her that we want to keep it small, no more than 50. She insists that it's not correct to have less than 100 or more guests. She also says, and I quote, "I needn't worry as all of my friends and co-workers are gay-friendly." That's not the point. I've tried and tried to explain to her our wishes, but she won't let up. She's already invited everyone on her list and has told me to make sure to make arrangements and additions in order to accomodate them all. So far she's invited 50 of her friends, co-workers, neighbors and even her hair dresser! I'm at my wits end. I don't know what I can do to get through to her. She tells me time and time again, that it's too late to un-invite them and, another quote, "I invited them, so they're coming and that's just the way it is. I will not have a daughter who has some tiny wedding with hardly any people!". They all RSVP'd "Yes" to the invite. What are the odds? My partner and I are paying for the whole wedding and my mother refuses to pay for "her" guests.
Sorry, I just needed to vent.