- 7 years ago
- Wedding: October 2011
Attention: Major rant coming on.
I went to a friend’s shower today and it was really lovely. It was held at someone’s house and about forty women were there (needless to say, she got loads of amazing gifts). It was kind of your typical shower – with some nice touches (they rented a mini champagne and chocolate fountain – probably not very expensive though), yummy food, cute little favors and decorations. Very cute.
I was talking to my mom about it today and made some comments about some of the touches I want in my own shower, etc. My mom got really weird about it. First of all, I should mention that I think my mother has only been to one bridal shower in her life – the one for my brother’s wife, and she was in no way involed in hosting or planning it. She doesn’t have a lot of friends and is kind of antisocial, so needless to say, she has never been invited to friend’s daughters showers or anything like that. I tried to explain that most likely my maid of honor and bridesmaids will take the lead and just want to coordinate with her on some things. I said maybe we could either do it at my sister-in-law’s house if it was a big crowd or if not I suggested the possibility of hosting a small champagne brunch at a local restaurant. First of all, my mom was acting like she was going to have to foot the bill and was getting upset. Then she was saying she didn’t understand that people give gifts at a shower AND a wedding and felt like that is too much to ask people. She said she didn’t have any friends to invite or who would come. I should also mention my FMIL lives in a different country, so there won’t be any input from my fiance’s side of the family on the shower.
I’m a little sad thinking I’m not going to get any shower at all, the way my mom was talking down on it. She mentioned how my MOH is as of right now unemployed and my other bridesmaid is my 17 year old cousin, so only my 3rd bridesmaid (I am only having 3) is going to be able to financially support it plus my mom and she already gave me money for the wedding and is super upset.
My mom sent me the following e-mail after we talked – here is an excerpt. All of a sudden she is talking about my dad footing the bill (they are divorced and have a messy relationship):
“I was reading up on the bridal shower. It looks like it is the responsibility of the maid of honor. However, since your maid of honor lives two hours away, and is unemployed, that doesn’t make sense. I am retired and am not planning to spend a lot of money. The money I gave you for your wedding was supposed to cover everything except a wedding gift but I guess I didn’t make that clear.
It sounds very expensive to have champagne and chocolate fountains etc or to go to a restaurant and host a shower for 20-25. We need to be more low key unless your dad is willing to also contribute 50% of the expenses..”
My mom says if she hosts it it should be at her house – but she lives over an hour away from the city I live in and it would be a hassle for people to go out there. How much do showers cost? Like a couple hundred? She is acting like it is going to be this big off putting thing and is really stressing me out. What should I say to her?
I feel depressed like the only girl in the world who’s mom is not excited about throwing her a shower. The money she contributed for our wedding, she says should go to pay for the shower, too. I didn’t know that? Am I being spoiled?