- 5 years ago
- Wedding: December 2012
I need some advice.
I have a very hard time organizing my ideas. I have been through so much. I dont mean to exagerate and pretend that I have bad cancer or something horrible has happened to me. But it isnt easy.
My Mother in Law Hates me.
I really dont want to go over the whole list of why I trully dislike her. But here is a quick catch up:
- Hubby and I met two years ago, we got enganged at 6 months and we married this december.
- He is French I am Mexican-American and we met in Canada, I study here he was doing a 6 month internship.
- He was supposed to be my roomate ( I was feeling lonely back then and wanted company of a roomie ) we fell madly in Love from day one. It was mean to be. It was magic. He went back to France got his affairs in order and moved back in with me.
- His parents came to Montreal to meet me, his Dad was amazing if he hated me he never let me know it. But his MOM ohhhhh boy. Was she controling and MEAN.
Here is when the plot thikens.
My parents are rich. They arent. My parents spoil me. I have a fancy two bedroom condo and I drive a BMW. I dont rub it in their face it is who I am.My future mother in law……. Made me feel like a parasite.
I have a fancy Law degree from an ivy league and I was back then doing a Masters degree. I dont work. I live of my trust fund. I am not lazy. I am actually an Honor Student. I am a member of many charities. I participate in many Daily activities. Including Probono cases, sports. I do a hundred times more than somebody that works a 9 to 5 Job. I just dont have a paycheck. My income though is good from investments etc.
My hubby is a smart overachiever and has come a long way far away from what his mom ever imagined he could be.
Aparently I am stupid for not working, it is terribly wrong to leave all work to only one spouse.
Being from different cultures…she Is french men dont open the door for you there they are all for equiality they dont get Married they just…move in together.. I am from Mexico I serve guys in my family when we have family gatherings but I never lift a heavy bag or open my own car door. I dont know If you understand what I mean.
Clearly my mother in law and I are different. I am thankful for this. I have no judgement of her lifestyle and lifechoices but she has ENOURMOUS JUDGEMENT over mine.
Here are some examples of what really bothers me:
- When she arrived to my House in Montreal the first thing she told me while sitting at my table is “we are annoyed by your engagement” you barely know each other.
- For the entire time she stayed she ruled my house. Grocery shopping menus. Everything.
- Before our wedding I organized daily activities for out out town guests ( we got married in Mexico). She was pasive aggresive for the entire time.
- On our wedding rehearsal dinner, my mom told her she was very Happy that I was marrying her son , she replied “ok good”
- On my wedding day she yelled at me for not wanting to take a 1008 pictures at the church with her 4 friends while my other 300 guests were waiting. So bad that she made me cry.
- Then she didnt say goodbye to me before leaving. Altough she swears it was me. She actually turned her face away from mine. This is all on video. She still insists it was me.
- we have been married for 3 months: and every day she sends emails with something mean regarding how to live our lives and how to do things.
and my very personal favorite that deserves to be put in Bold, this weekend:
I asked my husband to call his mom and tell her this: “My wife really wants to put the past behind forgive and forget and really get along with you in the future. She hopes you can do it to and me nice to her. She will be super nice to you. “
My dear mother In law…replied with a 3 page letter with all that she didnt like about me, and what I should apologize for and Justify myself. Not only was I horrible to her but also my parents…..my brother…..my sister in law, my aunts my uncles my cousins. We are all awful people. My mom is the nicest woman you will ever meet! She spends her days reading bible to blind ederly and running a free daycare for elderly people and underpriviledged children. But aparently my mommy was COLD and MEAN.But my mom NEVER. And my Dad my Dad….lets get to my dad.
I dont mean to sound like a snob, but my Dad was a Diplomat for most of his life and Polititian for the rest of it. He knows how to behave himself and he is great at not showing he dislikes people. Not that this was nesesary he loved my IN laws. He opened a 1200 bottle of wine to celebrate with my Father in law and spent 24 hrs in the kitchen cooking their favorite meals for the dinner.
This isnt a communication problem my parents and I speak perfect French.
I just dont get it. Why does she dislike us so much. I understand that she dislikes me. But I cant get over all the mean things she said about my family when they were so welcoming.
SO here it comes: my husband told me to call her on the phone because she wanted to talk to me. I said Ok Hon but if it is for more insults and critics I honestly pass. He said it wasnt that. So I put her on speaker and she started blabbing on and on and on so my HUbby took the phone and said ok MOM……forget it I see this wont work out.
She started crying yelling and ended with her telling my poor husband ” If I am ruinning your life I just wont speak to you anymore. Ever” She hung up.
My husband was on the couch speechless with his hands around his head and started crying with frustration.
This could have been my greatest victory I would never have to speak to that awful woman again and she would stop being in the way of my otherwise Happy perfect Marriage.
Then why do I feel so Bad. LOGIC I love my Husband and If my husband is Hurting I am hurting.
I knew it would come to this. You see my mother in law does this to a lot of people. Her father remarried she stopped talking to him until he died. She has no brothers or sisters….so no problem there but my Father in law is not in speaking terms with anyone in his family Because she doesnt want to speak to them. So dont you dare wrong her….
I on the other hand Come from a very big family and no matter what happens. ” Appologize and be friends again or…….forget about it and be friends again.
I did what I had to do I took the higher road. And called my mother in law and told her I was sooooooo sorry about everything about being such a horrible person and ruining her relationship with her son. I told her I was going to behave from now on and she had nothing to worry about.
To what she replied that I wasnt evil ( no kidding…) that she doesnt know me and doesnt know how to act around me. That she is an honest direct person. And I have to learn to listen to her and do things her way because she is Older and knows better. ( Yeah…still she is the one acting like a Highschool girl). So I took it like…Like a man!!!!!
She spoke to her son and they made ammends. She said she was sorry bla bla. Me….I was happy for him but inside my head was boiling. I had accepted defeat and that I would have to deal with this PSYCHO forever if I wanted to be with her son and that this PSYCHO would be my children-s Grandmother so lets just call her ” Mother in law” from now on and forget this whole thing. She will be nice from now on….
First thing in the morning I wake up feeling refreshed and happy that this whole thing is over. And I go over my emails and see an email adressed to my Husband with a copy for me.
I hope you enjoyed the rest of the weekend. I am now sure that you wont be in the middle of your Wife and I. I hope the two of you went over my list. And the two of you are fine after she justified herself to you for her awful behavior. I am glad this wont be between the two of you anymore. I love you MOM”
Seriously?????????????????????????? Do I honestly deserve this? Should I tell this woman to go…F herself? This will never be over and the worst part is that my husband is sorry but doesnt actually do anything to stop her.
I personally feel that if he told her, wrote her in whatever way he finds nicer and easier.
“Mom she is my wife and you need to respect her end of discussion” things would be better why is this so hard for him?
What do I do???????
I feel I really need some advice from someone outside my family. This is ruinning my mariage and my self confidence
- it is clear to me she is surprised that her son married me so quick
- it is clear to me that she is from a different culture and she and I will clash.
the question is what do I do about it.
I am sorry about my poor writting schools I am writting this from an Ipad while I hide it from my hubby and I relive my emotions while I write. Thanks for reading and sorry for the super long post.