- 4 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013
I am sorry if this is long, i just need advice. We were married at a courthouse already, at first we wanted some kind of celebration. His family were pushing for a wedding, we were thinking maybe just a backyard thing, it would be nice to invite friends. But throughout the months his mom has turned everything into a full scale wedding.
She is absolutely driving me insane. Probably because her daughter’s marriage ended, so she is putting everything into making this wedding about her daughter and the grandkids. I should mention that my in laws are paying for this wedding, i insisted because in my culture groom family pays, plus in laws pushed us to have this wedding therefore they pay, also because 70% of the guests are theirs. Even dh only got 20% spot. I know my place because they are paying and i did not care that much about a wedding anyway, so i only invited my main family. Honestly my family travel cost alone is already double their wedding budget. They have also been paying other smaller cost such as the dress, dj, photographer, make up artist, invitations, etc.
When i said that this wedding is about Sil, i meant it. There are more of her friends than dh’s friends invited. Mil kept giving excuses that they will babysit kids yada yada. What drove me insane was every single time during the planning, mil just had to mention sil’s beautiful, elegant, exquisite, out of this world sil’s past wedding that costed them $55000. You heard that right. For us, their initial budget was $6000. Yep. I was fine with it (big bbq party everyone?) until Mil starts injecting everything ‘elegant’ she wanted at the wedding. After trying unsucessfully to make the wedding of her dream with that budget, (she wanted valet and $2000 french door for christ sake!) mil finally increased it to $12000. No more. DH had to pay for the rest of it, until my family starts to help. I predict the total would be $18000 for something i didnt want.
What drove me crazy was the comparison, every time we discuss any details of the wedding, she just had, had to bring up sil’s past wedding. Her venue alone is $24000. I bought a $800 dress, she made a face that it’s too expensive, yet she has to bring up sil’s dress was $2500. Her florist is double my florist, her chair is the metal chair, not the cheap fabric covered chair that we are having, her ring is $6000, Yet she helped picked my ring which was $499 (lol) yada yada. You get the gist. Yet mil’s skirt alone is $500, oh did i mention she is going to wear all black? I asked sil to find a color, she wanted to wear a color that no one wears. In the end i gave up trying to have some kind of color theme, but get this, mil hisses at me when she found out my family isn’t going to match. She said my family has to follow what i want because im the bride, no, you’re the bride.
Every freaking day, i opened my email with at least 5 emails from her, talking about her dresses, accessories, oh her earrings alone is $100. She hisses too when we said the tuxedo rental was $190 for the GROOM. It’s like how dare we spend something so expensive?? Yet the rule doesn’t even apply to her.
It took me a week to find a wedding dress, it took her six months to find flower girl dresses, just because they are going to be sil’s kids. I asked her to find a specific color for the flower girl dresses, she showed me something online which was expensive, but I thought she was okay with it, after all she picked it. When the dress came, she loved it. A month after, she hated it. Calling it ugly and expensive at every given mention. In one of her at least 5 emails daily, she kept calling the dress ugly. Especially she acted like i was the one who picked the dress. Then she said she wanted to returned it, for 4 months! She couldn’t even get her money back at this point. Then she bought an ivory dress for them which i specifically told not to. I asked for pictures, and suddenly she couldn’t show me. To this day i have not seen any pictures of this new lovely elegant most beautiful flower girl dresses in the world that she picked. Honestly i don’t even care anymore at this point, after two hours of listening to her whining about the ugly flower girl dresses, those toddlers cannot even last an hour without throwing a crazy screaming tantrum, they are not even going to remember anything. I never even picked them as flower girls, they were just already THE flower girls.
I was busy taking care of the florist, all mil cares about is where to put his sister on the walking. She wanted me to come with her, drive all the way to pick her shoes. And a lot of some other unimportant little things that don’t even matter. She can get married too, everyone can get married at this my so called ‘wedding’. I would not even call this my wedding.
Don’t get me started on the makeup artist and photographer drama. She wanted to hire relatives or sil’s friends who’s portfolio are horrible and charges insanity. I rejected them, she called me bridezilla. In fact every time i reject anything, she called me bridezilla when she has been the gestapo for the whole wedding planning.
I am about one plane ticket away to just runaway. Dh cannot help as much because he is also powerless against his mother’s stubbornness. Although we are already married. My family actually offered to pay, i just didn’t want them too. I think thats kind of the goal of my mil in the end. She has repeatedly sarcastically said the bride parents should pay, seeing how crazy she is in controlling this wedding, that would be even worst: my parents pay and she controls. The wedding is coming up and i think there is going to be a headbutt.
I about to snap.