Post # 1
The long and short of it is that my hubby to be comes from a strong catholic background (although he isn’t religious himself and neither am I for that matter) and his parents are insisting that we have a traditional church wedding, something that has never appealed to me. it all started when his parents invited us over for dinner to ‘celebrate’ and half way through dinner his mum was like ‘oh and we’ll have to go see the priest at some point’ and when I politely explained that I was thinking more along the lines of a destination wedding her face dropped and was like ‘No end of’ His mum isn’t my biggest fan, not because of my personality because a) fiance is 6 years older than me and b) she blames me for the break up of his first marriage (I honestly have no idea why as I only new him very briefly whilst I was an intern and he broke up with his ex 1 1/2 years after that). I honestly don’t care if she wants to be involved in the planning of the wedding intact i’d quite like it Because I dont really talk to my mum (trust me that is going to need a whole other thread) and my dad and stepmum live over seas .She just isn’t listning though, my dream has always been for a small (not tiny maybe 15-30 people at the most) beach wedding preferably In Mexico (my auntie and uncle got married there and it was the most buetifull weddingever). But she is insisting on this big fancy church wedding, she even rang my office (and considering I am a second year lawyer and really busy I have far more important things to do than have an argument with her) trying to arrange dress shopping, which I know was a really nice thought and I thanked her for it but then I told her very nicy that I was actually planning on making my own dress (a dress I have been designing since I was about 14) she seemed ok with it. But then I started getting loads of emails with what she deemed ‘suitable’ dress’ that were totally unsuitable for our wedding plans I tried explaining this to her last night but she is being so stupid about it she even threatened to not come to the wedding if we didn’t have it the way she wanted it, even my fiance said something then, and he never stands up to his mum. I wouldn’t mind so much if she was putting any money towards it but my parents are putting a bit of money towards it that they had saved for my wedding and then myself and fiancé are paying for the rest! Sorry for the long rant but really needed to let if some steam!!!!!!!
Post # 3
It is you and your fiance’s wedding. Decide between you what you both would like. Everyone else should support you in this – and be grateful that they are invited to the wedding.
Your mother-in-law has already had her own wedding I assume. It isn’t fair that she should have a second wedding – i.e. yours.
It may be that she wants to help and if this is the case and you can find her something useful/helpful to do then it might be a good thing. But don’t let her take over.
If she is threatening not to come to the wedding you both are going to have to stand firm and not give in to such blackmail.
Post # 4
@weddinglol22: Your MIL is trying to be persistant to get her way. There is nothing wrong with avoiding her phone calls and if she calls at work saying “I have a client in office, I will call you later”
When she sends you stuff, you can say something like “this is nice but not for a Mexican beach wedding.”
Post # 5
@weddinglol22: She isn’t paying, she doesn’t get a say. Your FI should be the one putting her in her place.
Post # 6
as others have said, its not her day, let her try to help wherever you want her to, but kindly as soneone else said, tell her what is and isnt suitable for what youve planned already i.e a smallish mexico beach wedding
Post # 7
Every mother has dreams of her childrens wedding- however, that does not mean you should abide by these dreams. You have dreams of your own for your wedding! Believe me, anyone and everyone will have opinions on every last detail of your big day. As far as I’m concerned, every detail about my wedding is on a need to know basis. If you follow what everyone else wants for your wedding, you will regret it in the future. Do what you want on your big day- although it might cause some feuds right now, at the end of the day, people will put aside their differences and come to celebrate the day with you and your FI. No matter what you choose, you know that your future MOH would not miss that day for the world. Try not to stress (easier said than done)… This is the best time of your life! 🙂
Post # 8
Agree with everyone above. My mother was fairly insistent on a church wedding when I could take it or leave it, and my fiance flat out didn’t want it. It didn’t come free (or even cheap!) but she is fronting the money, and it turned out we really came to love our pastor and the church is beautiful…getting off topic…
You HAVE to do whatever you want. What does your fiance say about all of this? Does she have any daughters?
You should message ‘groomsfather’. We chatted yesterday and he gave me an interesting perspective as family of the groom.
Post # 9
She can’t hijack your wedding plans just because she’s the mother of the groom. You and your fiance are adults and can make your own decisions. Even if she was paying, I don’t think that gives her the right to decide everything.
I’d tell her you appreciate her thoughts and ideas, but your mind is made up. End of story.