Post # 1
So my fiance and I are working on the major planing of the wedding…photographers, entertainment, rehersal dinner (ceremony and reception are set) and my mom means well, and wants to help with everything, which I have no problem with, but she is starting to act so controlling!! She gets mad at me if my fiance and I have a different idea about something than she does, and for example….we are going to a bridal show in a few weeks and my soon-to-be MIL got us free tickets, and while I wasnt planning on inviting her, I feel obliged to at this point! And when I told my mom this, she was mad at me…instead of understanding that while I dont even want to, its the right thing to do! She threw a fit about our choice to have the rehersal somewhere that she didnt pick! SHe and my father are paying for the wedding along with my fiance’s parents, so I feel obliged to let her help, plus i really do respect and want her help, but not when SHE is going to be a drama queen!! I want to nip this in the bud, but dont know how without causing a huge fight or making her mad!
Post # 3
Wow, are you sure your not dealing with my mom??
My mom has even made the comment “who cares about mr.3m” uhh, what??
My mom has helped with a lot and she is paying for alot of it but you have to remind your mom that this is your wedding and this is what YOU like.
Tell her that you will consider her opinions but ultimately this is your decision. You may have to be blunt about it and it may hurt her feelings for a minute but she will come around and realize it.
Post # 4
I unfortunately have no advice for you, but it is kind of nice to read that someone else is having problems with their mother!
My mom has really been crazy about everything recently. She freaks out anytime my MIL wants to help with something wedding related, which is ridiculous, but also doubly ridiculous because my mom takes no interest in helping me plan! I am sick of my mother’s negative attitude about it all and no talking with her directly has not helped.
Most recently she is freaking out about my bridal shower saying she is not going to pay a lot of money for it, but in the same breath saying that she is no Betty Crocker and we have to get this event catered. At least my MOH is doing the majority of the shower planning, but my Mom keeps intruding. I have felt like telling her that she is just sucking the fun and joy out of my wedding:(
Post # 5
Ha, I did tell my mom she was being a ruiner. She didnt let me be engaged for 20 mins before calling me all day everyday to plan stuff and get it taken care of in advance.
What sucks now is that i made decisions because she wants to get it all planned and paid for things while she can make payments but now I am changing my mind about certain things and she gets mad because its something we already did.
Post # 6
Is she always like this? Or is this her way of coping with the fact that you are getting married and moving on?
Maybe there is a way that you can tell her that while you value her input/help/etc. that you really need her to support your decisions about your wedding.
Post # 7
Thanks so much, bees. This is supposed to be one of the happiest times in a girls life and I feel like my mom is just making it so miserable sometimes, and I just cant figure out why. What I’m even more afraid of is that she will make it so stressful and crazy when it gets really close and the day of, etc. I know I need to talk to her, but I’m afraid of pushing her away. I have also notiiced that she is really grumpy about stuff a lot lately, so I dont know if its because shes worried that I dont want her help, so shes trying more, so I’m going to try to tell her that I want her help more than anything, but just in the right portions and in the proper way…..oh mothers!!! To top it off my FMIL is crazy!! Just wacko, but at least I just laugh about that!
Post # 8
You know, when my mom starts driving me crazy I ask her questions about her wedding. Like what did you like about it? What was the most frustrating part of planning, etc.
I’ve found that by remindering her that she’s already had a wedding and that she didn’t like the feeling of pressure put on her by her parents, we have a better communication pattern.
Just something you might want to try.
Post # 9
I’d have a nice talk with her and kindly tell her to back off. Yes, she is partially paying for the wedding, but that doesn’t give her the right to dictate every decision that is made. My FMIL is kind of similar to your mother, but in a different sense. She likes to tell my fiance what to do and when to do it. If he doesn’t agree or do it her way, she’ll be disappointed and try to persuade him to do things her way.
She stopped when he got fed up and said, “mom, you need to back off a little bit. It’s my life, I’m an adult, I pay my own bills and am getting married. You can’t try to control me.”Now, things are fine and dandy between everyone.
Maybe all your mother needs is a firm talk. Don’t try and spare her feelings, if she tries to “cry wolf” tell her to wait until you’re done explaining your views on the situation. It may be awkward for a week or two, but it’ll likely be the reality check she needs to step off out of her controlling ways and let you be the bride.
Post # 10
Paisley, you need to change your name…
Post # 11
LOL i cant help but laugh but this is like the second or third time i have seen KMSull say this…
Anyway on another note Miss Paisley I am sorry you are going through this… this is why I chose to just have my fiance and myself pay for the wedding. I love to hear what my mother says but I dont feel obligated to do anything anyone else says… beside being my day its my money… Good luck with all the planning!